I must start this off with a disclaimer. This is my opinion and thoughts on issues I have observed over the years. I only speak for myself. Before you get all triggered and upset read the entire article, not just the title.
The most disrespected person in America is the Black Woman. When I googled that statement to find the exact quote, Malcolm X said in his speech, to my surprise, the statement in the search block produced 194,000,000 hits. Honestly, I wasn’t surprised at all by those results. Let me preface by saying this is not a Bash Black Women article. This is no Auntie Coon dialog I am not pulling a Candace Owens. I am speaking from first-hand experience. So before you get triggered. Take a breath finish reading the whole article then tear it apart. I welcome discourse and disagreement. Now let’s get this discussion started.
I swear being a black woman in America is fucking exhausting. Being a socially conscious Black Woman in America borders on either going insane or becoming a sociopath. We have to save everyone. And I mean everyone. We give and give and give, we give when we have nothing to give. I am not even going to go into a spiel of the centuries-long deep-rooted trauma that Black women have endured. When was the last time someone genuinely asked how you were doing? Think long and hard. No one sincerely asks how we are really doing. They only ask in order to take more. We are told we are strong and can take on everything. If I had a dollar for every time, I heard how strong and resilient I am, I swear, I could buy my dream car, the Audi R8. Sometimes I just want to scream. No, I am not strong all the time. I just want to collapse into a ball and cry. I do get stressed and overwhelmed. I am no different from anyone else. Being strong and resilient sometimes feels like a curse. This is a nuance for lack of external care and concern from others. It’s an unrealistic and dangerous expectation.
Let’s talk about the Black Woman’s Body. Do you know how frustrating it is to be born with features only to be told you’re not attractive? Then “Becky” pays a plastic surgeon to implant, and affix the same exact features to her body. Now the very people who said you weren’t attractive are pining over “Becky” singing praises of her beauty and her exotic looks? Seriously, this is like an episode of the Twilight Zone. My issue isn’t with Plastic Surgeries, it’s your body, you do you boo. My problem with this is being bashed and told I am not beautiful or attractive for the very features I was born with. Hey, I get it, manufactured bodies are deemed more attractive than natural.
The biggest offenders of this insane and retarded view of beauty…Black Men. Why do you think “Becky” is going under the knife for the Instagram body. You know the super narrow Barbie waist, the double D grapefruit breasts, and the saggy diaper ass that disproportioned to her thighs and hips. It’s not just Becky going under the knife to achieve this unrealistic standard.
I have heard throughout my adult life some disrespectful things Black Men have said about Black women, like “I prefer Latina Women because they are shaped like Black Women, but prettier.” (I am not making this up). The stereotype Hollywood portrays is the down and out Black Man struggling to make it. His partner/spouse is a Black Woman until he becomes successful, and then he dumps the Sister and marries “Becky”. This was really heavy in the 90s. Successful and Rich Black Men will only marry a non-Black woman unless she was his day one (I can only name 3 off the top of my head). I am not sure how true this is, but I have seen it a lot. Those experiences and perceptions can definitely be anyone’s reality.
For the record, I am pro-love. Interracial love, Gay Love, Non-Binary Love. As long as it is legal and consenting on U.S. Federal Statutes, you like it, I love it. I don’t care if a Tyrone prefers Becky over Kiesha. It’s none of my business. Where it becomes problematic is when Tyrone wants to talk shit about Black Women in favor of “Becky”. When he disguises his hate for Black Women as preference. Guess what Tyrone your mother and sisters are Black. How are you going to talk shit, and treat Black Women like shit when you were birthed by a Black Woman? I think this is unequivocally fucked up. Now if this doesn’t apply to you if you don’t do that, please don’t diminish the woman’s experience by saying something ignorant like “those are the men you deal with.” Or “that’s what you deal with” personally, it is so annoying when men do that shit. It’s undeniable, the man saying this is the very man doing it. Yep, I said it.
Whenever I see Black Men doing this, there is a deeper underlying issue. He hates himself, he hates his identity and the fact he is a Black Man. He thinks being with Becky will make him less Black. It’s not all Men, but it’s a significant amount. I tend to call Black people who hate the very idea of Blackness or acknowledging that they are actually Black, a Coon. What’s heartbreaking is when he has a biracial child and forces that child to be “Passe Blanc,” which is French for passing white. Self-hatred is real, and it’s not just Black Men.
For some ungodly reason, there is this fantasy and mysticism surrounding “Black Girl Magic.” Shit, there’s an annual television campaign that celebrates Black Girls Rock. Yes, I am probably going to trigger some folks with this. Once per year Celebrities celebrate Black Women in the industry for their accomplishments, recognize Black girls and Women for their epic superhero contributions. I get it. We get shit on by everyone, so we have to celebrate our Blackness somehow. We need too. No one else is doing it.
With all this celebration of the successes and achievements of Black Women, why are Black women still overworked, underpaid, disrespected, and treated like society’s Whore? Damn, that is a very harsh word to use. Flip on any television show, book, magazine, and see for yourself. I do appreciate that the traditional tropes black women are displayed are changing. More variety in complex roles, this gives me hope. Unfortunately, it’s not conveyed in other aspects of media.
What’s worse than being society’s doormat that’s stepped on, abused, and thrown away? Being attacked by the very women who are treated the same exact way. Other Black Women. If you think I’m lying, go to The Shade Room on Instagram or any Post on Twitter where a Black Woman is portrayed negatively, and the comments are flooding in. The most common comparison, “Beyonce would never do X.” That has to be exhausting to be constantly compared to Beyonce. Or Beyonce held to this unrealistic code of conduct and standard. Instead of accepting said celebrity as simply who they are, they are always pitted against, compared to, chastised, belittled, and torn apart. Take the beef between Cardi B and Nicki Minaj last year. Even Beyonce is subjected to the same microscopic examination. It boggles me when I see other black women argue with each other on whether her hair is real or not. Despite the fact that people in her inner circle post her real hair.
Even her eldest daughter Blue Ivy Carter has been on the receiving end of other black women’s criticisms surrounding her hair, and appearance. I was utterly disgusted when someone had the audacity to create a petition demanding her parents comb her hair. She’s a seven-year-old little girl, who is criticized for some dumb shit she has no control over. The very women who go online to talk shit about this child are the same women who will catch a charge if it was done to their child. The same women who in the same breath get offended when their appearance is criticized.
Damned if she does, Damned if she doesn’t. How can Black women ride on their high horse proclaiming “Black Girl Magic” and in the same breath tear down a little black girl because of hair? The hypocrisy is serious. Yet when Chris Brown posts about wanting a woman with “Good Hair” then it’s a whole nother outrage.
In 2009 Chris Rock filmed a documentary on the industry and culture of Black Hair. I believe this triggered the Natural Hair Movement. I will be honest, I resisted it. I was conditioned since I was a little girl Kinky, coily, “nappy” hair was ugly. That was the standard growing up.
I lived for my relaxers. It was socially acceptable. Straight was great. Nappy was unhappy. I admit I said some pretty fucked up things to women online regarding going natural. Women who transitioned to natural but struggled with maintaining a professional appearance, I bashed. Those who were trying to figure out their natural texture, I bashed too. I remember saying to a woman online she looked like a slave, her hair looked like a bird’s nest, her hair was nappy and ugly. Oh, My Gawd I was beyond rude online around 2010/2011. I thought it was just another phase like the Jheri Curl. The natural hair movement years ago looks very different compared to 2019. It doesn’t excuse the fact that I was a nasty shit. My attitude regarding natural hair changed around 2013 when I learned about stretching the time between relaxers.
I went from relaxing my hair every 8 weeks to 24 weeks. It was a slow and gradual process. Eventually, I stopped relaxing my hair all together and just gradually trimmed my relaxed hair until I was completely natural. When I cut the last remaining relaxed ends, I felt so guilty and genuinely understood what other Naturalistas were facing. I felt terrible about how I treated women who went natural. It was wrong for me to tell them to conform instead of embracing their identity in their Blackness.
The first time I saw my natural curls and ringlets, it was a strange realization. Several years since I discovered my natural curls, I still couldn’t tell you what my hair type is. It doesn’t fit what the charts on Pinterest show. One day I was getting ready for work and instead of blow-drying my hair straight and putting it in a bun. I decided to do a wash and go. Instead of going about my day, I was met with a variety of reactions. From wow to being told by my boss that my hair was out of regulation and that I needed to fix it. Even though it was above my collar, he couldn’t handle my afro. It was the last time I came to work with my natural hair out.
A few of my coworkers would ask why I never wore my own hair. I would reply with a snarky comment, I’m Black, and the profession thinks my natural hair is out of regulation. It was then it truly bothered me to know what grew out of my scalp made the people at my job uncomfortable. When my hair grew long enough, I would pull my hair back in a very tight bun. Many times I am asked if I returned to relaxers, I would decline. My response was always nope. I just used a boar brush, a pound of hair gel, and a satin scarf.
On occasions, I hear people make little comments towards me, saying I have “good hair.” I typically dismiss it because I have learned Good Hair is healthy hair, not the texture or type. I grew up knowing the term and using it myself. Now that I have embraced my curly texture, I have since removed it from my vocabulary.
Remember when I said earlier, I didn’t know my hair texture. The natural community apparently came with an evolved state of colorism. When I was relaxed, my ethnicity was a question. Now that my natural texture is in its full glory, my race has come into question. Apparently looser curls that of certain biracial people are deemed ideal and beautiful.
I have never been confused about who and what I am. Lately, I have been asked if I am biracial. Here we go with this bullshit. I don’t even look biracial, I am not racially ambiguous, I also don’t have a beige complexion. I have a golden caramel/peanut butter complexion. Milk Chocolate if I’m tanned. I sit smack in the middle of the colorism drama.
In the makeup community, I am the darkest shade for some major brands. I am not light enough to benefit from privilege, and I am not dark enough to be shunned or deemed unattractive. I have never considered myself dark or light-skinned, but depending on what part of the world I am located in, society does it for me. What’s sad is I am subjected to the universal discrimination associated with racism. It’s Other Black people who determine my place on the colorism scale and the decade surprisingly. It’s Other Black people who have kept colorism alive and thriving. Instead of rejecting it, it’s embraced unconsciously. I find it disgusting when I hear or see Black People chant Team Light Skin or Team Dark Skin. Other tropes were Dark Skin is in, like it’s a fashion trend. Shit, this is so annoying and degrading.
The 2019 colorism drama, biracial people. Sigh, why can’t folks just chill? Look Black is Black to say one is less or not black enough because their hair is less kinky and skin is fairer is insane. It doesn’t matter if you are half or whole, we are all subjected to racism and discrimination. From the very people who created this divide. The same demographic who see being Black is Inferior, or whatever their justification is. It’s bad enough the Culture has to deal with ignorant racists, why attack from the inside. It’s precisely what these bigots want.
The Black community is psychologically scarred, and it’s going to take multiple generations to correct the sins of the past. Progress is happening, laws are finally recognizing the discrimination people experience regarding their hair.
The Culture still has a long way to go in addressing issues that revolved around colorism, self-hatred, and self-sabotage. You can’t be Pro Black but hate certain things that make you Black. We are all struggling to find our voice…don’t diminish and take away the voice of a fellow Sista
Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life