“Sexual pleasure is a legitimate right of the human being.”
~Samael Aun Weor
Shan Boody is one of my favorite YouTubers. Her content is like therapy for my soul. I love her candid and authentic commentaries on Love, Sex, and Relationships. I discovered her channel two years ago. I was drawn to how knowledgable, funny, and open she was when it came to sharing her personal experiences on her sexual history.
If I had to describe who Shan Boody is, the best analogy is she is the 2019 upgrade to the renowned Sex Expert Dr. Ruth. I use to watch Dr. Ruth when I was younger. Both women are experts and bring a different perspective on Human Sexuality. Shan brings a fresh, updated, and relevant perspective on sex and relationship in the digital era. The fact that we are close in age adds an additional layer of relatability on top of her credentials. I respect her unbiased approach to dealing with the complications of 21st Century interactions with people, whether sexual, professional or friendships.
Shan’s Youtube videos are still relevant to how I dealt with my marriage. I have been out of the dating and casual scene for a few years. She offered a comprehensive variety of tips and advice regarding owning your sexuality, owning your sexual health, and knowing when to walk away from a toxic and abusive relationship. I love how personable and open she is on her social media platforms. What makes her so different from other YouTubers and Social Media Influencers is how she shares not so proud and embarrassing moments of her life. Like the time she had her Yoni Balls stuck and the drama, she went through to get them out. (It’s on her Youtube Channel) Watching that episode helped me several months later when I found myself in a similar predicament. Thank you for making that video.
I like to describe myself has sexually free. Unconfined to the social norms and the status quo of society. I know what works and doesn’t work for me. I know what turns me on. What are the best sexual positions to achieve a single orgasm or multiple orgasms? I read so many books on sex, sex positions, seduction, and anything on improving my sexual health. I thought I wanted to be a sex expert. Before I got married, I was open to any sexual adventure. As long as it didn’t get me thrown in jail, was super painful, or put me at risk of contracting an incurable sexually transmitted disease. I was game for just about anything. My sexual history was mine and mine alone. I never kept a list of past sexual partners, nor a count of how many previous partners I had. I never associated my overall value as a person with the number of past sexual partners. My vagina did not determine my total value as a person. When the relationship ended, I never gave that person the attention of holding them in my memories or heart. Once it was over, it was over.
Reading Shan Boody’s new book “The Game of Desire,” I can tell you, it validated everything. It justified my control for complete autonomy of my heart and body. Without giving away too much the book is one part self-help, with a mix of commentary, and throw in a technical “how-to” manual. It’s unique in the sense her tips are actually implemented while coaching the ladies she writes about.
I have always been keen on my emotional self-awareness regarding my sexuality. It allowed me to be openly rebellious. Since society was clearly uncomfortable with the notion of a woman enjoying sex outside of procreation and male satisfaction, I learned how to separate my emotions from sex. Seeing the discomfort across a man’s face when I disclose a small fraction of my experience stroked my ego. Yes, I like sex, I have sex for pleasure because I want to. I don’t want a relationship with so and so. Or I want a relationship. No, I will not have sex with you again, because you are trash in bed. Or yes I want to have sex with you again because the sex was great. If my basic needs weren’t being met I walked away and chalked it up as a one night stand, or a bad date. When it came to my sexual needs and desires I will admit I am very selfish.
I already knew what my love language and my seduction style are since I previously read the Art of Seduction and The Five Love Languages. Yet I never really applied the two together. Not only does the book offer insight into your style, but holds a mirror to your flaws. I came face to face with my personality traits in how I deal with relationships, and it was eye-opening.
The Game of Desire made me think about the annoyances associated with dating. Like being ghosted for no reason, or the other person is extremely insecure about themselves. When I got married, I felt free and safe to explore whatever fantasies that came to mind. It was like trying a new recipe I found online. I was able to let my emotions flow and be more vulnerable. There was a time where I loved being married. The passion, great sex, and emotional intimacy allowed me to feel safe where I could be vulnerable and open up to him.
Since I got married in my thirties, I knew what I wanted and how I wanted it. The excitement was more about discovering aspects of my sexuality with my husband without the rules and boundaries I placed when I was single.
Several years later, the marriage imploded. Everything that made us “us”, changed, and it changed for the worse. Since I was following influencers like Derick Jaxn and Shan Boody, walking away was a very easy decision. I realized I deserved so much better. I did not sign up to be in that type of marriage. Marriage was not supposed to be that hard. My value and worth told me I didn’t need to be in a toxic marriage. So, I walked away. I love and respect myself too much to stay in a situation that was unhealthy for my mental and emotional health.
So after going back and forth, I officially got a divorce attorney and took steps to file for divorce. I thought I was going to regret it. The little voice in my subconscious telling me about all the good memories, flooding back saying “stay, don’t end it”. For a glimpse, it did. And then I remembered all the bad memories and the emotional drama it caused. The manipulation and abuse reminded me to GET THE FUCK OUT.
I can honestly say, I learned a great deal from the failure of my marriage. My interest in a future date or partner is no longer based on potential but their actual performance. My eyes are wide open. I have read a lot of relationship self-help books over the years, yet they do not resonate the way The Game of Desire does. It’s relatable funny, compelling, and honest. It puts you face-to-face with the “real you” and how your potential partner will view you. It speaks to my soul. It’s healing and eye-opening when it comes to improving my own emotional intelligence moving forward from a disastrous relationship. It also allowed me to rediscover and fall in love with myself. Even though mentally, I am not ready or interested in a long term committed relationship. The book allowed me to mourn my marriage in a healthy and productive manner. Now, if I get a sense of Ex-Husband vibes, I am out. I have no desire or interest to fall back into the same behaviors that led to a toxic relationship.
The Game of Desire is more than a self-help book on relationships or finding love. It’s a tool that provides a mirror on how you navigate relationships and your emotional intelligence. I would like to describe it as a gateway to your id and ego. I love reading books that I can implement in my life, and allows me to be a better person. The Game of Desire is a perfect compliment to Shan Boody’s YouTube Channel and Counseling Programs. It’s an ideal addition to your library, and to listen/read every six months or so. So, if you want a guide on how to be successful in the digital era of dating, reevaluating your relationship/marriage, or recovering from a breakup, I highly recommend The Game of Desire.
Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life