“As you become more clear about who you really are, you’ll be better able to decide what is best for you – the first time around.”  ~Oprah 

Think about the last time someone told you couldn’t do something or criticized a decision you made for yourself that had nothing to do with them. Yes, it is quite annoying. Many have said never talk about Politics and Religion because emotions can get very heated. Let’s add Parenting to the category, mainly Parents of children ages five and below.

Watching women on social media bash and criticized new mothers on everything from piercing their baby’s ears, breasting feeding, formula feeding, tummy time. Dear Gawd, these women are vicious on how they attack a new mom online regarding the choices they make regarding their child. One would think the new mom was committing a terrible crime. Lord forbid if the new mom is young and a celebrity it’s another layer of criticism. This is just an example of how someone can be rudely intrusive when it comes to the decisions you make for yourself and your family and it has nothing to do with them.

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Starting a new business or making a major life change is almost like being a new mom. Stress and anxieties are similar. Deciding to take a leap of faith turns a hustle or a dream into a business. In some situations, you are doing something out of the ordinary. You will be faced with people on the sidelines telling you, you can’t do something, it’s not what the “market” wants. 

Whatever it is you decide to do, starting a business, changing careers, or rediscovering yourself, there’s always a flip side of the support coin.  It messes with your head, it rattles your confidence, you begin to question is this the right choice and decision. Are you making the right decision? People close to you may mean well but will try to discourage you from taking risks. It’s incredibly frustrating because they are supposed to support you actively, but they are doing it from a hands-off passive approach, or a discouraging doubtful approach. 

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When making a significant change in your life, the first thing you must do is shake off any external doubts thrown your way. If you are already hard on yourself, don’t let others get into your head. You have to push passed the “Haters” and Naysayers.” If you don’t, the proverbial mind-fuck will happen. Deep down, something told you, you needed to do this. The reality is when you are going on a journey to self-improvement and change, you will lose friends and in some cases, family. People don’t like change. 

Here is my favorite quote from Grey’s Anatomy regarding change:

“Change. We don’t like it. We fear it, but we can’t stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind. It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying, but here’s the truth. Sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is everything.

When deciding to take the path less traveled, ask yourself, are you doing it for you are someone else’s happiness? This is something for you to answer for yourself.  

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The status quo is a mental chain that keeps you in line with the expectations of what everyone else is doing like sheep in a heard. It’s the fear and doubt of others that hold you back from achieving and maximizing your maximum potential. The status quo says you can’t do this or that when your heart and passion says otherwise. The struggle and difficulties will always be there, it’s the mental mountain you have to traverse to get to the top and succeed. Many already know the climb gets steeper and harder as you get closer to the top or plainly put your reaching your goal.

I use to work in a job that acknowledged the treatment and culture of others was flat out wrong. Many people would witness policy and ethical violations and excuse the behaviors by responding with “It is what it is.” these violations were not committed by low ranking employees. They were engaged by senior-level leaders. What made it worse was when it was reported, the individual who filed the complaint was the one to transfer from that section.

The senior person moved on in some cases, got promoted to a higher position. While the individual who reported the incident was passively blackballed, transferred to another location, or discredited. This feeling of helplessness and anger often times fuel a more profound sense of purpose. Coworkers would I ask why I don’t say anything, and my response is because I have bills and a family. I am not in a position to influence change in this current situation. I will take this encounter to feed the bigger picture. It’s a complicated situation. How do you exercise courage without compromising your livelihood?

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Petyr “LittleFinger” Baelish, from The Game of Thrones, said something that explained the situation: 

 “You know what I learned losing that duel? I learned that I’ll never win. Not that way. That’s their game, their rules.”

You can’t go up against a system designed to ensure you lose. You can’t go against a system where the opponent wrote the rules.  Working in a profession with unspoken rules and a culture of not what you know but who you know. I was told by countless people. Learn the game and play it. Know when to keep your head low. Know who are the decision-makers, movers, and shakers. The underlying rules and systems were how you survived and got ahead. Those who were fortunate to climb up never make changes. From my observation, since they are the outsiders in the club, they really keep their heads down. The chances of having them be an advocate for change is a lost cause. 

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Going against the status quo is knowing how to position yourself to have a seat at the table. Being the decision-maker. Knowing what oppositions and challenges, you are going to face and addressing it head-on with conviction. Not everyone is cut out to be an entrepreneur. Not everyone is in the financial position to simply quit a job they hate. How you deal with that situation is your choice. Contrary to what many people believe, everyone has a choice in the decisions they make in their lives. You have a choice on how you decide to live and navigate your life.

“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb. They refuse, they cling to the realm, or the gods, or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.” ~Petyr Baelish “The Game of Thrones.”  

Many people are paralyzed by their current and past situations. It’s the leash that tethers them from being great or operating that their maximum potential. I have personally found the phrase “never forget where you come from” as an example of that tether. It tends to apply to those who rose from the slums in a sort of Cinderella story. Instead of accepting the change associated with the upgrade. Insecurities and jealousy are created, and this statement is thrown around to remind the individual of their humble beginnings. There is the underlying meaning of not forgetting the people from their humble beginnings. I understand many see it in a different way.

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Mediocre people will make you feel bad and expect you to reduce yourself in order for them to feel good. Don’t do it. Don’t regress and move backwards to comfort them. They will accuse you of being better than them. Just pause and remind yourself, you are not better than them, they think you are better than them. Now you have a decision to make. You don’t need that kind of energy in your life.

It takes a great deal of strength to go against the status quo. It also takes being smart and aware when to pick and choose your battles. I caution, don’t be the sacrificial lamb. Don’t compromise your values and personal integrity. Before going to “Battle,” ask yourself what is the overall outcome you are trying to achieve? Are you ready to lose friends and family? Are you prepared to climb the mountain alone? Are you prepared to have sleepless nights and moments of doubt? 

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These questions apply to everything. Starting a business, leaving a job, losing weight, moving to a new place, even ending a toxic relationship. Change is harder for people on the outside to accept than the person exercising the change. Don’t let that stop you from achieving your goals and dreams. 

Surrounding yourself with like-minded people who can relate to the struggles and challenges of accomplishing your goals. They understand the frustrations that come with taking risks. Having the right people to support you in your cause, and talk you off the ledge that’s called doubt helps a great deal. You have to have a strong sense of self, self-worth, and self-value. Having faith in yourself in accomplishing what you set your mind to will give to the strength when it gets hard. You will feel like quitting, you will want to cry and scream, and you may feel alone. Don’t you are not alone in your journey. Just know if it were easy, everyone would be living their best life and their dreams a reality. Chickens don’t soar with Eagles.  

Good luck on your journey, remember you are not alone there are tribes going through the same struggles and will support you. No matter how crazy your ideas or dreams may be deep down in your soul, it will be successful.  Don’t let anyone or anything deter you from it.  You got this just stay focused on the prize at the end of the journey.

Do you, Be you, Love you 
Bohemian Life