Category: Bohemian Thoughts

#Girl Dad New Feminist Movement or Another Social Media Fad

February 3, 2020

It’s been a week since the #GirlDad went viral. It was first mentioned by ESPN Sports Anchor, Elle Ducan. She recalled a conversation she had in 2018 with the late Kobe Bryant. During the conversation, he noticed her baby bump and asked her what she was having and she replied with a girl. Their conversation went from the game to their families. During her monologue, she asked him if he and his wife were going to try for a boy. Without skipping a beat he said “I would have five more girls if I could. I’m a girl dad.”

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Kobe Bryant was always proud of his girls. Especially when he spoke about his daughter Gianna who also died in the helicopter crash. During his interview with Jimmy Kimmel in 2018, you can see his excitement when he discusses an exchange he had with a fan regarding having a boy to follow in his footsteps. He lit up like a proud papa when he recalled Gianna stepping in saying: “Oh, wait, I got this.”

Since that video aired the phrase “girldad” went viral with celebrities and regular men posting pictures of them and their daughters with #girldad. My social media was flooded with photos of men and their daughters with the hashtag.

Throughout American history, boys have always held higher favor than girls. Even in my own social networks, whenever a man would mention he had all girls, reactions ranged from cringe to “oh man that sucks”. Oftentimes these statements were followed up with “so are you going to shoot for a boy?” I can recall multiple men breaking down into tears when they discovered they were having a boy after multiple girls as if it was a blessing or accomplishment. This sentiment is so deeply ingrained that it goes unnoticed. There was even an episode in Paternity Court where a man accused his girlfriend of cheating because he claimed he only fathers boys. This is still a thing in 2020. In the July 2017 interview with Extra, Kobe bragged about his all-female household. “My friends say, ‘It takes a real man to make a boy,’” “I’m like, ‘Dude, it takes a king to make a princess. Get in line.’”

Since the phrase went viral, I wonder if this is another social media fad or a movement where men are truly supporting women and girls in taking on the career fields of their fathers, often reserved by sons. Will the #girlDad evolve into a long-standing movement that will encourage more men to advocate for women’s equality in society? Will men begin to put emphasis on the healthy growth and support in the dreams, aspirations, and goals of their daughters? The biggest ally in the feminist movement are men who not only believe women have a place at the table but actively advocate and fight for the equality of women. It would be so awesome to see professional men dominating traditional male roles support their daughters to take the mantle like a military general supporting his daughter who aspires to follow in his footsteps. Despite the many strides made, there is still a long way in regard to having more female representation in major areas, especially in leadership roles. Having just one at the table is not enough.

Kobe was an activist for the WNBA when Gianna developed passion and love for the sport and wanted to follow in his footsteps. He’s admitted his daughter’s love for the sport reignited his love for it too. Even in death Kobe Bryant began something that can evolve into a movement. Advocating for the equality and support of women through their fathers’ let’s continue this movement and make it into something tangible and more than just a hashtag social media fad.

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Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

Chickens don't Soar with Eagles, so Why are you listening to a Chicken?

December 31, 2019

Bohemian Thoughts

“As you become more clear about who you really are, you’ll be better able to decide what is best for you – the first time around.” ~Oprah

You wake up and realize you need to make a significant change in your life. You begin to weigh your options, the pros, and cons. You speak with people close to you, to gain, some sort of sanity check. There is a sense of fear, doubt, uncertainty to even make this change. You will either push through the discomfort of being afraid, or you will be thrust into it without your conscious choice.

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You decided to take a leap of faith and doing something out of the ordinary, you will be faced with people on the sidelines telling you, you can’t do something, it’s not what the “market” wants. Whether it’s starting a business, changing careers, or rediscovering yourself, there’s always a flip side of the supported coin. It messes with your head, it rattles your confidence to the point you begin to question is this the right choice and decision. Are you making the right decision? People close to you may mean well but will try to discourage you from taking risks. It’s incredibly frustrating because they are supposed to support you actively, but they are doing it from a hands-off passive approach, or a discouraging doubtful approach.

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The status quo is a mental chain that keeps you in line with the exceptions of what everyone else is doing like sheep in a heard. It’s fear and doubt of others that hold you back from achieving and maximizing your maximum potential. The status quo says you can’t do this or that when your heart and passion says otherwise. The struggle and difficulties will always be there, it’s the mental mountain you have to traverse to get to the top and succeed. Many already know the climb gets steeper and harder as you get closer to the top or plainly put your goal.

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Surrounding yourself with like-minded people who can relate to the struggle and difficulties of accomplishing your goals. They understand the frustrations that come with taking risks. Having the right people to support you in your cause, and talk you off the ledge that’s called doubt helps a great deal. You have to have a strong sense of self, self-worth, and self-value. Having faith in yourself in accomplishing what you set your mind to will give to the strength when it gets hard. You will feel like quitting, you will want to cry and scream, and you may feel alone. Don’t you are not alone in your journey. Just know if it were easy everyone would be living their best life and their dreams a reality. Chickens don’t soar with Eagles.

Chickens don't Soar with Eagles, so Why are you listening to a Chicken? 2

Do you, Be you, Love you.
Bohemian Life

Sometimes You Have to Lose Yourself to Find Yourself

December 31, 2019

Bohemian Thoughts

The path to enlightenment is often a difficult journey. Now, this is not some mumbo jumbo religious write up. Oh no, This is a little story on how I lost myself to gain everything.

Since undergrad, I have always had an appreciation for Eastern Spiritual Practices and Philosophies. The irony is I am not even religious, and I don’t go to church. The teachings embody all aspects of being human, living in this world. After I was introduced to the teachings of Buddha, I felt a strong connection. Here’s a super quick synopsis of who Buddha was. He was a young prince who lived a life of hedonism. One day he ventured out of the castle and saw a world of suffering then became ascetic. After realizing both extremes brought known happiness, he realized it was about finding balance. Even though this is an oversimplified explanation of who Buddha was. With this, I learned it’s about balancing the two. To know when to enjoy the pleasures of life and when to refrain.

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Its been a few years since I graduated from college. I went on had a successful career, got married, and lived the typical suburban life. Over the years, I have discovered some of the most beautiful depictions and representations of Buddha’s teachings. This new sense of Balance and Inner peace came flooding in realizing I have lost my way in some manner. When the body and nature are not in balance with the universe, it feels off.

Consumed with the everyday stress of adult responsibilities and challenges, it seems I have steered off the path of total balance and inner peace. I fell into a depression, suffered external and internal pain, ultimately became consumed with extreme forms of passion, pain, ambition, and success. Chasing after that next high that brought happiness. I was wrapped up in the superficial constructs of everyday life. I stopped practicing yoga and meditation. I stopped focusing on my center of gravity and inner peace, only focusing on instant gratification that had no real value or meaning.

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Being calm and even-keeled is difficult. Balance is an art as well as science. I have had to learn how to listen, observe more, slow to anger, being patient, and calm. Knowing when to realize that love and passion can cloud one’s judgment and ability to see the truth.

I’ve also had to distance myself from anything and anyone who brought toxic energy. This included relatives. Protecting my personal space and time is vital for my overall holistic health. The truth will always find a way to project oneself through darkness or even white smoke.

The mind cannot be independent of the Body and Spirit. To know oneself is to know who they really are and what purpose they serve. Live in the truth and embrace it. I have become very comfortable living my authentic self.

I want to share a passage I found online:

…”A person who knows their True Self does not let things of this world bother them. For they do not take their role in life too serious, compared to those, who are ego-driven. They understand that life is a spectrum. For nobody can have it all good life and expect nothing wrong to happen to themselves, for this is not how the forces of the universe work. So a person who shows no resentment and anger is a person who knows that they are ‘IT.’ The whole cosmos, which includes the entire spectrum, thus making them a wise and divine BEing.”

But to deal with anger and emotions, which only creates inner suffering, One must first ‘remember’ who they really are. All anger and resentment come from the feeling of being disrespected or from unfulfilled desires. These are all functions of the ego defending its own existence. This isn’t so in our daily lives?

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So someone who transcends their ego into true authentic being. One who leads with the heart instead of the mind, such as the Dalai Lama, Buddha, and Jesus Christ. They exhibit more compassion, for their ego does not dominate their existence. The main thing is exposing the ego for what IT really is, an illusion of control.

Once we can see beyond that illusion, the things that use to bother us do not have that same power over you. Thus making us a spirit that IS wise, divine, and FREE to become anything one wants to BE!

Basically, it states don’t be so quick to be impulsive when dealing with the difficulties of life. Do not be confined by your ego and pride.

And this is what I strive to be free of illusion like Dr. Mahattan, but with more compassion and heart following the mind. Achieving this takes time and patience. I am still a work in progress. Some people intentionally try to get under my skin because they are miserable in their own lives. That is none of my business.

It’s taken me some time to learn how to control my emotions. I still have my blow-ups, but I am only human. The path to complete physical and spiritual enlightenment is a journey. Releasing that burden has allowed me to leave toxic relationships, and know my value and worth. It’s taught me how to love and respect myself. It also freed me from the restrictions of someone else’s expectations and standards. Their insecurities have nothing to do with my overall happiness.

I hope this will inspire you to let go of the emotional burden you may carry mand free yourself. It’s a continuous work in progress.

Do You, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

Going Against the Status Quo

December 30, 2019

Bohemian Thoughts

“As you become more clear about who you really are, you’ll be better able to decide what is best for you – the first time around.” ~Oprah

Think about the last time someone told you couldn’t do something or criticized a decision you made for yourself that had nothing to do with them. Yes, it is quite annoying. Many have said never talk about Politics and Religion because emotions can get very heated. Let’s add Parenting to the category, mainly Parents of children ages five and below.

Watching women on social media bash and criticized new mothers on everything from piercing their baby’s ears, breasting feeding, formula feeding, tummy time. Dear Gawd, these women are vicious on how they attack a new mom online regarding the choices they make regarding their child. One would think the new mom was committing a terrible crime. Lord forbid if the new mom is young and a celebrity it’s another layer of criticism. This is just an example of how someone can be rudely intrusive when it comes to the decisions you make for yourself and your family and it has nothing to do with them.

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Starting a new business or making a major life change is almost like being a new mom. Stress and anxieties are similar. Deciding to take a leap of faith turns a hustle or a dream into a business. In some situations, you are doing something out of the ordinary. You will be faced with people on the sidelines telling you, you can’t do something, it’s not what the “market” wants.

Whatever it is you decide to do, starting a business, changing careers, or rediscovering yourself, there’s always a flip side of the support coin. It messes with your head, it rattles your confidence, you begin to question is this the right choice and decision. Are you making the right decision? People close to you may mean well but will try to discourage you from taking risks. It’s incredibly frustrating because they are supposed to support you actively, but they are doing it from a hands-off passive approach, or a discouraging doubtful approach.

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When making a significant change in your life, the first thing you must do is shake off any external doubts thrown your way. If you are already hard on yourself, don’t let others get into your head. You have to push passed the “Haters” and Naysayers.” If you don’t, the proverbial mind-fuck will happen. Deep down, something told you, you needed to do this. The reality is when you are going on a journey to self-improvement and change, you will lose friends and in some cases, family. People don’t like change.

Here is my favorite quote from Grey’s Anatomy regarding change:

“Change. We don’t like it. We fear it, but we can’t stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind. It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying, but here’s the truth. Sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is everything.

When deciding to take the path less traveled, ask yourself, are you doing it for you are someone else’s happiness? This is something for you to answer for yourself.

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The status quo is a mental chain that keeps you in line with the expectations of what everyone else is doing like sheep in a heard. It’s the fear and doubt of others that hold you back from achieving and maximizing your maximum potential. The status quo says you can’t do this or that when your heart and passion says otherwise. The struggle and difficulties will always be there, it’s the mental mountain you have to traverse to get to the top and succeed. Many already know the climb gets steeper and harder as you get closer to the top or plainly put your reaching your goal.

I use to work in a job that acknowledged the treatment and culture of others was flat out wrong. Many people would witness policy and ethical violations and excuse the behaviors by responding with “It is what it is.” these violations were not committed by low ranking employees. They were engaged by senior-level leaders. What made it worse was when it was reported, the individual who filed the complaint was the one to transfer from that section.

The senior person moved on in some cases, got promoted to a higher position. While the individual who reported the incident was passively blackballed, transferred to another location, or discredited. This feeling of helplessness and anger often times fuel a more profound sense of purpose. Coworkers would I ask why I don’t say anything, and my response is because I have bills and a family. I am not in a position to influence change in this current situation. I will take this encounter to feed the bigger picture. It’s a complicated situation. How do you exercise courage without compromising your livelihood?

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Petyr “LittleFinger” Baelish, from The Game of Thrones, said something that explained the situation:

“You know what I learned losing that duel? I learned that I’ll never win. Not that way. That’s their game, their rules.”

You can’t go up against a system designed to ensure you lose. You can’t go against a system where the opponent wrote the rules. Working in a profession with unspoken rules and a culture of not what you know but who you know. I was told by countless people. Learn the game and play it. Know when to keep your head low. Know who are the decision-makers, movers, and shakers. The underlying rules and systems were how you survived and got ahead. Those who were fortunate to climb up never make changes. From my observation, since they are the outsiders in the club, they really keep their heads down. The chances of having them be an advocate for change is a lost cause.

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Going against the status quo is knowing how to position yourself to have a seat at the table. Being the decision-maker. Knowing what oppositions and challenges, you are going to face and addressing it head-on with conviction. Not everyone is cut out to be an entrepreneur. Not everyone is in the financial position to simply quit a job they hate. How you deal with that situation is your choice. Contrary to what many people believe, everyone has a choice in the decisions they make in their lives. You have a choice on how you decide to live and navigate your life.

“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb. They refuse, they cling to the realm, or the gods, or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.” ~Petyr Baelish “The Game of Thrones.”

Many people are paralyzed by their current and past situations. It’s the leash that tethers them from being great or operating that their maximum potential. I have personally found the phrase “never forget where you come from” as an example of that tether. It tends to apply to those who rose from the slums in a sort of Cinderella story. Instead of accepting the change associated with the upgrade. Insecurities and jealousy are created, and this statement is thrown around to remind the individual of their humble beginnings. There is the underlying meaning of not forgetting the people from their humble beginnings. I understand many see it in a different way.

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Mediocre people will make you feel bad and expect you to reduce yourself in order for them to feel good. Don’t do it. Don’t regress and move backwards to comfort them. They will accuse you of being better than them. Just pause and remind yourself, you are not better than them, they think you are better than them. Now you have a decision to make. You don’t need that kind of energy in your life.

It takes a great deal of strength to go against the status quo. It also takes being smart and aware when to pick and choose your battles. I caution, don’t be the sacrificial lamb. Don’t compromise your values and personal integrity. Before going to “Battle,” ask yourself what is the overall outcome you are trying to achieve? Are you ready to lose friends and family? Are you prepared to climb the mountain alone? Are you prepared to have sleepless nights and moments of doubt?

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These questions apply to everything. Starting a business, leaving a job, losing weight, moving to a new place, even ending a toxic relationship. Change is harder for people on the outside to accept than the person exercising the change. Don’t let that stop you from achieving your goals and dreams.

Surrounding yourself with like-minded people who can relate to the struggles and challenges of accomplishing your goals. They understand the frustrations that come with taking risks. Having the right people to support you in your cause, and talk you off the ledge that’s called doubt helps a great deal. You have to have a strong sense of self, self-worth, and self-value. Having faith in yourself in accomplishing what you set your mind to will give to the strength when it gets hard. You will feel like quitting, you will want to cry and scream, and you may feel alone. Don’t you are not alone in your journey. Just know if it were easy, everyone would be living their best life and their dreams a reality. Chickens don’t soar with Eagles.

Good luck on your journey, remember you are not alone there are tribes going through the same struggles and will support you. No matter how crazy your ideas or dreams may be deep down in your soul, it will be successful. Don’t let anyone or anything deter you from it. You got this just stay focused on the prize at the end of the journey.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

Men are Like a Bottle of Wine, Just Read the Labels and Warnings so You Know What You Get.

December 8, 2019

Bohemian Thoughts

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I have found a whole new appreciation for men they are truly like wine, just have to figure out what works with and for the pallet. Do you want them young and sweet like Moscato or Mature and refined like Pino? Do you want red, blush, rose or white? Do you prefer sweet or dry? The type that hits your taste buds with the first sip, or the kind that lingers in the back of your pallet after the last swallow. Like the grapes it takes to make, you get stomped on, spit out after only one taste, passed off, and requiring lots of time and patience. Like men, wine comes from many different vineyards that have their individual style and signature. No two bottles of Chardonnay are the same. So why expect that from men. It takes the right glass to bring out the full aroma and flavor of Pino Noire. Just like the right niche and motivation to bring out the best in a man.

But a true Woman appreciates the art and time it takes to develop into the right flavor whether its by her own hand or another. For me, I am proud to say I am mature enough to spot the bottle of Boones Farm and Mad Dog 20/20 pretending to be of high quality. Its the bootleg type that makes you sick with a hangover. That makes it difficult to appreciate quality. Even Cheap table wine can go either way it’s all about what works for the individual person and their situation. On the flip side, an expensive bottle will go rancid if it isn’t cared for correctly. Often times the female sex bash, complain, criticize, and judge. Yet usually don’t take time to take it in with all five senses and absorb. A person of value knows how to recognize the Top Shelf but also knows how to recognize the hidden notes that don’t surface. Recognize what works and what doesn’t. This comes with time, experience, and patience to enjoy the pleasures life has to offer.

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So whether you have a bottle over dinner, a glass to unwind after a long day at work, or to set the mood for a romantic night. Cheers to the quality bottles both young and mature I appreciate the bull you put up with and the work you go through. It’s hard not being recognized for all you do. But like wine, with the right environment and conditions over time, you will flourish and thrive and be your best self to the fullest.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

Take my Money yet sell Me Crap Products Because I'm a Large Influencer.

December 2, 2019

Bohemian Thoughts

My Twitter and Instagram feed has been flooded with news of a well known Social Media Influencer, who launched her cosmetics brand. I completely understand the stress of launching a brand. I know from first-hand experience what it is like to start a business. That is where the similarities stop.

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I don’t personally follow this person, but I know who she is because her name has been associated with a lot of online drama and its a lot of it. How is this woman even able to continue to have a large platform? Now I will not write about the issues about the launch, just hit the social media platforms, and you will be brought to speed. What stuck out I was watching a Youtube video, and the commentator read a Tweet from a fan that said something to the effect of, “I love you, but every time you have a launch something is problematic.” “There are always issues with it.”

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Now I’m going to put on my consumer hat and dive into how problematic this brand is. She consistently sells sub-quality products at a high-end rate while getting rich from her fan base. I am having a hard time understanding why people continue to support her and a brand that’s putting out shit quality. In her latest release, her product possibly pose safety concerns, that didn’t get recalled. I mean come on, why would you, as a consumer, spend your hard-earned money on a makeup brand that has nothing but negative reviews. The owner won’t even correct the issue. Instead, she blames the consumer, comes up with all kinds of off the wall excuses. Even other Influencers despite their watered-down commentary could not get around the fact, the product was utter crap. I wouldn’t be surprised if they got paid to review products, albeit it is biased and sponsored.

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There are millions of other makeup brands on the market. I personally commend anyone who launches their own, without a large following or major endorsement is hard. For those who are fortunate to have a large fan base or platform, think about your brand. Just put out the best, a quality that is inclusive for everyone and safe. I get it shit happens, but if you fuck up, have a moral and ethical obligation to rectify the situation or give them their money back. The money is not a priority if the brand is being dragged through social media and word of mouth. That’s why it’s so important to be hands-on and surround yourself with a team who will not let you fail. Put the customer first, the quality control standard will reflect this.

As a customer, you have options. You deserve products and services that are to standard and won’t pose a health risks. Stop making brands wealthy when they are not even thinking about your safety only your money. This applies to every consumer goods on the market.

Do You, Be You, Love You.
Bohemian Life