Category: Bohemian Life

Salute to the all the M.I.L.Fs in the World

May 10, 2020

Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing MILFs in the world. After 17 years of motherhood it is still surreal I brought a human into the world. I will be completely honest. I struggled with motherhood for the first ten years. My relationship with the kid is that of openness and honesty no matter how difficult the topic it may be. I don’t sugar coat anything with him. If the topic wasn’t appropriate for his age I told him and of course, we circled back when it was appropriate and we talked about it. It didn’t matter the topic, it was about giving my son the best information possible so he can make the best decisions for himself.

Anyone who knows me well, knows I am not motherly at all. I don’t care for motherhood, it is not my identity. I actually don’t like kids. I’m impervious to cute babies. My uterus never screamed for more. My pregnancy and delivery was very traumatic. So much that it almost cost me my life and that was enough to say, “I am done; fuck this shit.” I spent 1o days in the hospital, my son was four weeks premature and I had no support system to hold my hand. I gave birth alone. My first day home with a newborn the size of a football swaddled, I stood in my living room and just cried. After giving birth I struggled with postpartum depression. My emotions were so high I thought I was going crazy.

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I will be honest I was terrified. I wasn’t in love, I wasn’t excited, I was utterly terrified. I am looking at this sweet baby thinking am I worthy of providing for this child, to give him everything he needs? It was the first time I went and got professional help to manage my depression and anger. 14 years later on a road trip my son asked me the most poignant question of my life. “Mom, did you ever want me?” Without hesitation I responded with “yes, because I had options.” He knew what I meant. He was mine and I wanted him, even when it was extremely hard and I would cry nonstop on those rough days, I wanted him. His nonverbal response was a sign of relief, no matter how much he made me mad or disappointed me, he knew I loved him no matter what.

Being pregnant and recovering from postpartum depression took a lot of me. So much I didn’t mentally have the space to have another child. As a mom, society has this unrealistic standard of perfection. Your world now belongs to your child. Sexuality, feeling sexy, being sexual is dead. Carving out a piece of something that is just yours would be deemed selfish. Even having a career was deemed selfish by some extreme moms. The battle between working moms and stay at home moms was one I was thrown into.

Single moms versus married moms was another battle. What does my marital status have to do with my ability to be a good parent and provider to my child? I don’t know; I felt like I was battling everyone.

It’s OK to be flawed

Worrying about what people think about your style of parenting is exhausting. Here’s a tip, fuck what they think. It is ok to be flawed. You need to understand whether you are a working mom, stay at home mom, married mom, single mom you are not perfect. It doesn’t matter how you gave birth whether naturally, by C-Section, adoption, or surrogate; fuck what these cornball ass people with no lives have to say, it’s your life. Do you boo. There is no definitive handbook on how to be a good mother. As long as your child is safe and loved, cared, and protected you are doing a good job.

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Everyone has an opinion on someone else’s life. Social media doesn’t make it any better. Sometimes I shake my head at the notion I am so glad social media didn’t exist when the Kid was born. Some of these Mommy Groups are the worst. Instead of giving a space to be vulnerable they will try to tear you down. It is ok to feel out of place. It is ok to not fall immediately in love with your child. As I mentioned earlier I cried in fear when I saw my son for the first time. It’s ok to feel like you don’t know what you are doing. Take a breath and ask yourself, is there someone you can turn to, who will not judge you and you trust? If you don’t have a person, then go to therapy. Therapy is awesome and is a safe space where you can unload and the counselor will let you because by law they can’t disclose it, unless it jeopardizes your safety or another’s safety. You can vomit your secrets, receive objective counsel, and feel better. Personally I am a huge advocate for seeking therapy and or counseling. Mental Health is vital to self care. Burnout is real and it is not good for your or your little humans you care for.

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Give yourself space for yourself

During my therapy sessions, I learned I struggled with balance. I was trying to be everything, a career woman, a great mom, and a college student. I was fulfilling every role. However, it didn’t leave space for me. Get a sitter and go be alone. Create a space where it is just for you and only you. You determine the frequency there is no right or wrong. Have a space where it’s only for you. It can be a spa day, a date with your partner, out with friends. Have a rule that you can follow. My safe space was going for a run, I was alone with my thoughts and it was mine for one hour. When I could afford it I went to the spa. Get the notion out of your head that having something for yourself is selfish. You are not being selfish, you are incorporating self-care into your life. You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of your child/children. If you are a single mom, you have the right to go out and have some fun with your single friends. Don’t ever let someone make you feel guilty.

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Being Sexy or Sexual is not a Sin

When the term MILF first began a known thing on the movie American Pie I thought it was so cool. I loved it. Give yourself permission to be this sexual vixen. It doesn’t matter your marital status. Shit how else did your kid(s) get here. All over social media I see other women shame young moms for being in tune with their sexuality. People have this messed up view on sex and will push their own insecurity on to you. There is nothing wrong with creating a space for you to have a healthy sexual appetite. If you want to post a selfie in something sexy give yourself the space to do it. Don’t let anyone shame you just because you are a mom. How else your Kid(s) came into the world?

Your sex life is your business and yours alone. It is no one else’s business. Human beings are sexual beings. There is no point denying yourself the pleasures just because mom is a new role in your life. You are human, give yourself the space to be human.

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Conclusion

Motherhood is hard it exposes the flaws and insecurities of being a woman and that is ok. No one is perfect despite what folks on social media portray themselves to be. Whatever your life choices are and the path you took to be a mom, it is not an easy road. Don’t compare yourself its the worse thing. No matter what, there are little humans who think you are the greatest thing in the world. They love you no matter how flawed you are. Your imperfections make you perfect. You don’t need a day to remind you how awesome and amazing you are. So remember, you are sexy, amazing, loving, and fierce. You are a MILF and never forget that. Enjoy your moment.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

Bohemian Diva’s 10 Tips to Not Giving a F*!K

February 19, 2020

Bohemian Life

As people, parents, and every other title and role given we are tugged and pulled in fifty million different directions. For a lot of women and caregivers, it’s hard to say no to the ones we love. Then you wake up one day a shell of your former self. You no longer recognize the person in the mirror. You wonder what happened to yourself.

Take take take it seems that’s all everyone does. Just take because you are a good person, take because you can’t say no. Take because you are reliable and dependable because you are strong and resilient. Then a wave of emotions coming flooding. Those feelings can range from drowning, suffocating, falling in a hole you can’t see to climb out of.

So one day a significant event or multiple events happen relationships fail, severe health scare happens, a loss of someone important or relevant. These events serve a wake-up call a kick to the groin. So you wake up and give the proverbial fuck it. You can’t continue this path anymore it is eating you. From the inside out.

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You realize your energy/chi needs to be replenished. You need to cut a lot of dead and useless weight out of your life and reevaluate your relationships. Time to examine what truly matters in your life. Self-care and mental health become is now a priority. Like your checking account or gas tank, your mental and emotional energy can be overdrawn and drained empty.

So you want to make some major changes in your life. Don’t quite know where to start. Here are some tips and tricks to implement that will allow you to do no longer waste your precious time and energy of people and things that do not bring added value to your life. This isn’t the holy grail or definitive rule book. It’s a guide to get you started in taking care of yourself. Protect your personal space. This isn’t an end-all solution but it’s a start. As you get better you will develop your personal rules and guides.

1. Identify the Imbalance

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Feeling a little off? Things don’t feel quite right? Your gut and intuition are right. Are you having a hard time getting out of bed? Are you constantly tired despite sleeping hours throughout the night and middle of the day? Recognizing what’s off your body is the beginning. What is off with you mentally? If getting out of bed is a struggle, your mood isn’t vibing with the situation then it’s time to get that addressed. If you are sleeping too much and you are still tired go get help. Go see a mental health specialist. Don’t self diagnose go to a professional. Don’t let someone dismiss, or diminish your feelings. Go get help it will not fix itself. Your body needs balance. Proper diet, sleep, exercise and energy. Achieving balance in an overworked society is difficult but it can be done. If you know something is not right, address it. It will not go away on its own.

2. Who are you What is your Personal Philosophy

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You can’t give a fuck if you don’t know who you are. Strip away the titles, roles, positions and ask yourself who are you? What makes you who you are. Being a mother, wife, or insert job title people tend to revolve around their sense of identity. But what happens if your identity is revolved around being a wife and you get divorced or when your children become adults and no longer need you? Often times people confuse purpose with roles. Your core values should be your philosophy. Your personal philosophy is what gives you purpose and meaning in life. Regardless of what people will say those roles and positions should not define who you are. They should be an extension of who you are. If you were once a spouse and the marriage is over it should not uproot your core foundation of who you are.

2. Set Boundaries & Enforce It

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You finally got the help you need and your counselor/doctor has created a treatment plan. You want to protect your peace and not regress in your treatment. Establish and set some boundaries. Are you or someone you know have a hard time saying no? How many times has someone asked you for a favor and despite politely telling them you don’t have time or resources? Then you are pressured to do the favor? The friend, coworker, or relative can clearly see that favor they are asking comes at an inconvenience yet they will ask anyway. How many times your boss or co-worker hit you with a last-minute project resulting in you canceling your plans to work late? When you set those boundaries and people still want to cross it is now a respect problem. Crossing boundaries is a clear sign that the person does not respect you. It’s not about you not being able to say no. It’s people not respecting you.

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Guess what, that lack of regard for your time and resources is a clear sign you are not respected. That treatment of you is because they know they can get away with it. How folks treat you is based on what you allow. The next time you find yourself in a situation where saying no is difficult ask yourself is this person doing it because they don’t respect you? You will be surprised how this shift in thought will change you approach.

3. Just Ask & Be Direct

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Do you remember the old saying “a closed mouth doesn’t get fed”? Well, it’s still true. Passive and passive-aggressive folks will talk in circles to get to the answers they need. Or won’t bother to ask the direct question. Many times people are afraid of asking for what they want due to various fears. This is apparent in the workplace. Rejection is a part of life. Avoiding it only makes it that much difficult. Honestly the more you accept rejection the more resilient and equipped you are in handling it. The easier it is to let it go. Don’t be afraid of asking for what you want. The worse thing that can happen is being told no. The best thing that can happen is getting the answer you seek without guessing or assuming. This avoids a lot of misunderstandings and assumptions. Don’t assume just ask, it will avoid a lot of future embarrassment. It gets easier each time and the more you let go of the fear the more confident you become. What do you have to lose just ask and be upfront about it? Don’t talk in circles.

4. Put Energy Into Only Things That Only Matter

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Everything does not deserve your attention, your time and energy. Contrary time is very limited regardless of who you are. There are only 24 hours in a day. Not giving a fuck about what people think begins with not giving a fuck about what people do. If it doesn’t affect you directly or indirectly don’t put energy in it. Folks will post things on the internet that will trigger you. Before you get your blood pressure spiking to ask yourself, “how does this affect me directly in the real world?” Everyone knows society is hypersensitive about everything. Someone is going to get triggered over a newborn baby. Minding your business is the best stress reliever ever. The life choices of a random stranger do not deserve your energy. Even the life choices of the people you care for weigh it carefully on whether you should get involved. The media does a very good job of inciting fear and divisive rhetoric. When you find yourself getting overwhelmed with negative news unplug. Just unplug and consume positive information. This takes time and discipline. A little phase I use to say when people try to bring me into their drama. “Not My Monkey, Not My Circus.” Pick and choose your battles. Not all battles are meant to be fought.

5. Don’t Worry About What They Think

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When people start to become uncomfortable with your growth it’s time to reevaluate your association with them. Like a first-time parent folk will give you all sorts of unsolicited advice. If you spend your time trying to please everyone you will find yourself miserable. Dismissing random strangers that’s easy. When you are dealing with family and friends who are not listening to your needs, dreams, or desires there is a problem. People think they know what’s best for you, but do they? First, don’t share details about your life if you know it will be subject to negative opinions. If you do ultimately you have a final say. A way to determine if the opinion is value-added. Does the person have a vested interest in your success or failures? Do they have skin in the game? If the answer is no they fuck what they think.

6. Cut Off One-sided relationships

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One-sided relationships are another form of toxic relationships. Your needs, concerns, and overall wellbeing are ignored. These types of relationships are not limited to just intimate partners. It’s pretty obvious when a relationship is one-sided. That friend/loved one is only around when they want something but when you need them to come through for you they are nowhere to be found. If they can’t be there for your losses and failures they don’t need to be there for your wins.

7. Don’t Make Excuses for Your Actions Just Own It.

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You are human you will make mistakes. Time is continuous and will not reverse itself. So with that being said own the effects of your actions. It happened so move on and say fuck it. Own your actions and don’t make any excuses for it. Remember it happened and you can’t go back to change it. You are going to make mistakes, you are going to fail. You will get knocked down. Get up, learn, and grow. You will make decisions that will not be a popular choice stand by it. If it is a mistake learn from it. Don’t make excuses live it with and grow. You are only human don’t try to be perfect. Own your shit.

8. Love Yourself

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As simple this maybe it’s hard to do. No matter what tell yourself you are worthy. Tell yourself no matter what another person may say to you. You deserve better. Too many times we give people power over our value and self-worth. Toxic kand abusive relationships will beat a person down mentally and emotionally. Loving yourself allows you to recognize those toxic traits. It gives you the strength to say you are worthy and deserve so much better. There are about 5 billion people on this earth don’t let one person deny you the right to be loved and respected. Don’t make excuses for their behavior and don’t apologize for their lack of respect towards you. You are deserving of love and respect but it starts with you first.

Conclusion

Not giving a fuck is about protecting your peace and reinforcing self-care. It takes time to have the courage to stand up for yourself. There are plenty of self-care apps, and books that will assist in finding meaning and self-worth. This is not an overnight process it will take time and discipline. The question is when will you begin to realize your value and worth? Only you will know.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

Body Positivity Creating a Space to Love and Accept Yourself

February 12, 2020

Bohemian Life

Body Positivity is a complicated dance. Looking in the mirror before getting into the shower I can’t help but examine the lines and curves of my body. Standing naked in my bedroom every scar, stretch mark across my belly and hips, looking at every single dimple on the back of my legs and thighs I wonder. Wishing my breast sat a little higher my waist was a little more narrow. My examination of my body is something I have in common with everyone in the world.

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Despite the countless compliments I receive I am still not completely happy with my appearance. What keeps me from obsessing over what I don’t like about my body is the multiple comments I overhear in the gym locker room. Women who I think look amazing complaining about their bodies. Or when a young woman tells me how she wishes she had my shape.

When I gained a significant amount of weight from a serious injury my insecurities about my body magnified. I would look at older photos of me wishing I was that size again. This made me realize no matter my shape, I would never be happy with my weight because I was never good enough. Then I realized if I based my standard of beauty off what society deemed, I might as well jump off a cliff.

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The History of Body Positivity Movement

Thinking about Body Positivity what comes to mind? A movement? Since mainstream media started mentioning it’s still going strong after a hashtag. It’s not without criticism and backlash from both sides of the debate. Despite what many people may think. The Body Positivity movement has been around for a while. Long before Dove’s 2004 “Love the skin you are in ” Campaign. They were the first mainstream brand to start showcasing women in multiple size ranges. Women are pushing back with the aid of social media. Wanting more representation in media to showcase all demographics, ethnicities and body types.

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While researching the Body Positivity Movement I discovered it was around since the first wave of the Feminist Movement of the 1900s. Women refused to be subjected to tightly restricted corsets. And dresses that were literally poisoning them. It seems body positivity and fashion have always gone hand in hand. Many people don’t realize rebellion from traditional attire is the freedom of accepting one’s authentic self. Every time women pushed back on a trend there was the movement.

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Society’s Ever-Changing Beauty Standard

Body acceptance associated with fat acceptance didn’t really take form until the late 1960s. A man named Steve Post held a rally in Central Park. witnessed his wife being shamed for being overweight. Throughout the decades’ women have been pushing back against the beauty standards mainstream media pushes.

Each decade the ideal standard of beauty has become more absurd and unrealistic. The Lollipop bobblehead that’s a size zero in the 1990s like Kate Moss and Calista Flockhart.

The early 2000s were slim and slightly curvy hourglass body of having the then ideal 36-24-36 body measurements like Brittany Spears, Heidi Klum, and Jennifer Lopez. Who can remember the craze of having a botty like J Lo?

In the 2010s it was the massive Ant Booty, big lips, and unnaturally shaped large breasts like Black China, Kim Kardashian, and every Instagram wannabe model. Oh then there was the thigh gap, that really drove young girls to develop an eating disorder. It was so bad there were multiple videos explaining weight loss is not going to give you a thigh gap. By late 2010 the movement really made a dent when it came to brands showcasing women in various size ranges. What a lot of people don’t realize is Body Positivity has been around for generations.

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Toward the latter part of the decade, there was a shift. More women plus-sized women like Ashley Graham and Tess Holliday started gracing the covers of magazines. IG and FB groups labeled Fat Positive soon exploded everywhere.

Polarizing Opposition

Then there was the artist Lizzo plus-sized high energy, rapper, singer, and flute player who some say blew up on the music scene. But her stage presence wasn’t what garnered the attention of a lot of people with an opinion. Her presence off stage sparked a lot of debate on what is socially acceptable. The discussion really divided folks on the aspect of body positivity when Lizzo was at a Basketball game and her behind was in full few. Having a good time twerking and dancing as her music was playing. One half the opinionated population felt her behavior was inappropriate, while the other half called bull citing hypocrisy because she was plus-sized.

Over the last 100 years, the media has shaped what is acceptable and unacceptable to the public. If a woman who was “normal” sized or petite wore the same outfit Lizzo wore society would have praised her for being edgy with fashion. Because Lizzo who is Plus-sized wore what she wore there was outrage citing she is a poor role model for children despite the half-naked dancers on the court for half time.

Lizzo did clap back on her Instagram. She has everything to be happy about after years of struggling as an artist she is finally able to see the fruits of her labors and receive the recognition for her talents. What’s wrong with being in a mental space to be genuinely happy and accepting of herself? Instead of minding one’s business if seemed everyone has an opinion regarding Lizzo’s body.

Lizzo isn’t the only celebrity where conservative America has a problem with a woman’s body. During and After the Super Bowl LIV Half Time Show apparently, folks had an issue with Jennifer Lopez and Shakira’s wardrobe and in some posts their performance. Jennifer Lopez inf 50 years old and Shakira is in her 40s. Both women look like they aged backward. While both women are smaller than the average-sized American Woman their bodies were heavily scrutinized. Many viewed it as offensive.

Both women are in amazing shape and do not look like the average 40/50-year-old women sparked polarizing debates over their bodies. On one side folks complained that their performance was not appropriate for children. Nevermind the half-naked 20-something-year-old cheerleaders on the sidelines. On the opposite side of the argument, many were celebrating them and labeling them as goals when turning 40 and 50 years old.

It seemed no matter what side of the body size spectrum you are on whether you are a healthy weight range or plus-sized it seems half of society has an issue with how a woman looks. This is pretty ironic considering so many people complain about brands that are not showing a more diverse range of women’s shapes and sizes.

It’s more than just a dress size

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Body acceptance is more than just being a certain size or weight. It’s about embracing your scars, flaws, greys, and dimples. It’s about loving your freckles, your stretch marks, and loving the more mature version of you as you age. For centuries men were allowed to age and embrace their greys and wrinkles while women are viewed as a social pariah. Deemed unattractive. Apps like Face Tune has people are running to their local plastic surgeons’ offices to get fillers, implants, nips, and tucks. Getting plastic surgery to find love within yourself will not work. It’s one thing t0 improve or tweak an area year and there. But going under the knife due to self-hatred and insecurities that are a much deeper underlying issue.

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Moving Forward 2020 and Beyond

Regardless of what side of the argument you are on everyone is insecure. Since puberty it’s something regarding their bodies in one form or another. Some take that insecurity and throw it at other people in the form of hate and bullying. Citing their size and shape is unacceptable. It is also accepting your scars and flaws like not having perky breasts after 30. Your body may not snap back after childbirth. It’s ok to getting older and having gray hair is ok.

It’s a very dicey and sensitive topic regarding weight. Where both sides are mistaken is Body positivity is about acceptance and self-love. It doesn’t matter if you are 120lbs or 300lbs you should love and accept yourself. Regardless of your size as long as healthy and pain-free it should not matter. It’s hard enough living your life without someone on social media having a nasty opinion trolling you. These cruel opinions are what’s driving younger generations to seek plastic surgery. Even those opinions have extreme viewpoints. It’s like damn if you do, damn if you don’t. Even small children as young as two are being criticized for having various features.

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Just live your best life. Surround yourself with people who love and accept you for your authentic self. In the end, you have to Do you, Be you, and Love you.

Bohemian Life

Could We Really Be Friends or Actually Like Each Other Outside of Social Media?

February 9, 2020

Bohemian Life

Being an adult in the age of social media is hard AF. Raising children, going to work, paying bills, maintaining relationships is hard. There are only 24 hours in a day. On to of that, working out, getting enough sleep, and making time for you. Making friends that are genuine and meaningful is harder as an adult than it was as kids and teenagers. Social media in the very beginning brought people who would never interact with each other together in person. But I can’t help to take a step back and wonder hmm if we were in the same town, zip code, or area code, we saw each other regularly in person would we really be friends?

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I will admit I suck at keeping in touch with people this stems from being taken advantage of by so-called friends. The type of fair-weather friends who are only around when they want and need something from you. I was always there for them but the same level of support is not reciprocated. It’s ironic I selected my living space based on my ability to entertain 10 or more people. Yet having lived in my house for three years I have never hosted an event in my home.

Has social media killed genuine friendships? People claim to desire the kind of friendships where there are weekend trips to the Farmers Market, Vacations to tropical islands or a simple night of hanging out and drinking wine. But is it all for show or is it genuine?

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Making friends as an adult is pretty complicated most friendships carried over from childhood, some developed from highschool, sports teams, and few fostered from work. Commonalities are what bring folks together. Unlike children and adolescents, friendships compete with other relationships. Intimate partner/marriage, parenthood, and employment consume a good portion of an adult’s everyday life.

Women are more likely to stop maintaining those friendships as soon as they get into a romantic relationship than men. Some will stop soon after they have children. Some refuse to be friends with Single Women. Citing the risk of their boyfriend/husbands’ ability to be faithful. As if the boyfriend/husbands’ behavior is not his individual responsibility.

Many times women have neglected their female friends, some feel their husbands are the only friends they need and want. Despite this sentiment, their solace is social media. They seek those long lost friendships and connections replaced with cyber friendships. Now before you get triggered and start taking it personally in the comments scroll through your feed from the weekend and look at how many pics or posts from your “friends” How often do you see pictures from girl’s night? Think about the last time you hung out that wasn’t work-related, a wedding, a funeral, or a birthday party?

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I understand many people will not posts their activities because they are private. I am one of them. I don’t post my strips and activities in real-time. It mainly has to do with security and safety. Also, social media is a sess pool of trolls and bitter as people. There are folks who low key don’t like you but want to watch what you are doing. Then there are folks who pretend to root for you until you are in the same zip code. Then it’s “oh girl I have been so busy” excuses.

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When it comes to stepping outside the cyberspace and to real-life would those connections even manifest? Scrolling through my newsfeed reading posts on newfound relationships, birth announcements, weddings, engagements, It had me wonder. Would I really be real-life friends with the same people I have been connected to for years? Many of my connections stem from associations from Highschool, college, and work. Another group of connections revolves around mutual connections. The majority I haven’t seen in more than five years while others I have never met.

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How man of my online connections would I actually be friends with? I am talking about true meaningful friendships where I would invite over to the house for drinks? I will say over the last ten years I lost count on how many times I have been turned down and or ghosted by women. They would comment like and support all of my major milestones and jokes. Yet when it came to taking our online” friendship” to the real world that’s when it all stopped.

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It usually began with a Facebook check-in or a personal message “Hey I am in town we are minutes from each other want to meet up grab brunch or dinner?” The friendly exchanges now became radio silence. After a while, I just stopped extending invites. I can recall one time where I agreed to meet with a former FB friend for brunch I was in my home town for a trip and we messaged each other agreeing to the location. When I messaged her to confirm the time and location she wouldn’t respond. Once the time for the Brunch came I realized she wasn’t going to come. A couple of days later she commented on a meme I posted as if ghosting me didn’t happen. I have since unfriended her and other women who took my friendship for granted. I have learned once an invite has been turned down, and the friendship feels one-sided I write them off. They are now in a new category Social Media Acquaintance.

A Social media acquaintance is someone who is less than a regular acquaintance. They are someone I would never interact with in person. Our interactions are strictly online and nothing more. Personal private exchanges are very minimal or nonexistent. It’s nothing they did directly their energy and personality doesn’t vibe with yours. They are equivalent to the work friend. You chat and shoot the shit with them at work but you will not hang out with them outside of work. Sometimes friendships downgrade to social media acquaintances.

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People pretend to care about the folks they interact with online but in reality, it’s their guilt that makes them realize how truly fucked up they are when it comes to maintaining friendships. The memes of traveling together as friends is all bullshit. What about the social connections with folks I have never met before? Everyone knows what a person posts on their social media is not the complete version of them.

I truly believe there are meaningful friendships outside of social media. Where it is both mutual. Where it allows people to stay in touch, foster growth when distance and proximity would prevent such connections. It requires both parties to make an active effort until then true friendship will only exist in cyberspace.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

Inspiration and Self-Reflection from Getting my Ears Pierced

December 31, 2019

Bohemian Life

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”
~ Helen Keller

So…I got my ears pierced more like I got five sets of piercings done at the same time, nine in total. It’s been something I wanted to do it for years. I couldn’t do it due to various reasons ranging from the strict uniform policy of my old job to not having the time to get it done and letting my ears heal before taking the piercings out.

When I decided to change careers and pursue another career in Art Media, I figured hell why not. The funny thing was I kept putting it off for years. Despite researching the best place in the city to get my ears pierced, I was nervous. Even as I drove to the tattoo shop, I was looking for every reason not to do it. I pushed through, as I parked my truck, walked into the shop. Deep down, I wanted to back out, turn around and go home.

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I was directed to the piercing side of the shop. I spoke to a young lady at the counter on what I wanted. I pulled out my Pinterest collection picked out which series of piercings and showed her what I wanted. She explained the size of the needle used and the type of stud installed. She explained to me the steel ball-bearing was a better option and aided in quicker healing.

The whole time I am thinking what in the world am I doing. I can’t believe this is happening. Once I selected the kind of piercings, I paid, and I moved to the back. From then I took a seat on a table, and there I was doing it. My pulse began to race, and my body began to sweat. Yep, this is actually happening I am getting my ears pierced.

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While my body was going into flight or fight mode, I was quite impressed at how clean, inviting, and modern the establishment is. The Artist doing my piercings a total sweetheart. Super professional he explained the entire process to me. I continued to remain calm despite my increased breathing and heart rate. Never mind my armpits were uncomfortably sweaty.

It was 20 years since my last piercing, so a lot had changed. On the count of three, I felt the pressure than the sting of the needle than it was over. He complimented me on how well I handled the procedure. He eased my anxiety. I just took a deep breath and exhaled through the pain. The cartilage and tragus were the most painful. I had to do it nine individual times. “What am I doing!?” I thought to myself as he pushed the needle through the thick cartilage and flesh again and again.

There was no turning back. The lobes were the least painful. It made me think about folks on social media freaking out over babies getting their ears pierced. Like chill out, it doesn’t even hurt that much. It felt like a bee sting for a few seconds. A child that young wouldn’t even mess with it. Since they don’t mess with it doesn’t get infected compared to older folks. But I digress.

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He gave me a bottle of saline spray told me to clean my piercings three times a day and return in two months to swap of the silver ball bearings for cute diamond studs.

I left the shop thinking, Oh My Gawd, what have I done. I sat in my truck looked in the mirror and realized I did it. I finally did it. I pierced my ears. After all this time of putting it off, I finally did it. A lot of fear and doubt started to make a way to the surface, but it was snuffed out. I finally overcame them.

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I have this terrible habit of putting off things. I tell myself when I wanted to do something it will be later than later turns into years. There is so much I’ve put off due to various reasons. Two weeks since I pierced my ears thinking back on the decision is was the best thing that’s happened to me. I finally made the leap and jumped. It changed my focus and approach to how I take on goals and tasks. It’s given me this sense of liberation and clarity. I’m constantly speaking about living my authentic and best life. Getting my ears pierced has taught me there is no good time to do anything. To stop putting off things, no matter how small. If it’s on your mind and heart nonstop just do it. Go for it and jump. It doesn’t matter if it’s going to back to school, pursuing a dream, or cutting your hair there will never be the right time to do anything. Just take a breath and leap.

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My piercings represented so much more. It’s about pushing past the fear and anxiety of going into the unknown. It’s scary taking on new challenges, new adventures, new chapters in one’s life. It’s motivated me to take risks and chances on anything my mind is set on. Get out of your comfort zone and live. Create moments, whether it’s a success or failure. It’s your moment and yours to revel and reflect on. So if there is something you want to do and been putting it off. Stop waiting for the right time and do it. Don’t spend your life letting it pass by and regretting the things you wished you could for should have done. That’s what I am learning. Life is about taking chances and going for it.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

What is Bohemian Life??

December 31, 2019

Bohemian Life

What is Bohemian Life? When many think of the term Bohemian or Boho for short. It is often associated with the likes Coachella, a Hipster, a Free-Spirited person, or a Music Festival theme. To a certain degree, a Hipster or a Free Spirit is correct. A true Bohemian is an unconventional person, a free-spirited artist, who appreciates their surroundings. The original Bohemians were travelers or refugees from central Europe (hence, the French bohémien, for “gypsy”).

Over the centuries, the Bohemian Lifestyle has been about freedom of expression and movement. It is more than just the art but a lifestyle and a state of mind. They let go of the conventions of society’s expectations and unspoken rule. Their expressions of art through their fashion, paintings, sculpture, and photography is rooted in the very core of their individuality and being.

Bohemian Life is about getting away from the sheep-like mindset of following the crowd and participating in Group Think across Social Media platforms. It’s about embracing your unique qualities, differences, and weirdness, as some might say. It is expressing your individuality. It’s about not being defined in one particular category or niche. Instead, embrace your uniqueness, define, and create your standard of happiness and a sense of purpose. Become completely free to be your true authentic self. Be the person you are supposed to be and live in your truth. Bohemian Life is any and everything you want to be. Just live for a purpose you choose.

Do you, Be you, Love you.
and of course Bohemian Life