“Disclaimer I am not getting paid to conduct this review by Derrick Jaxn or anyone from his team. This was my personal decision”
Relationships in the digital era have been a landmine of drama. Many women, including myself, have noticed a trend of men manipulating and lying their way to women’s hearts, wallets, and sanity. These men come in a variety of foolishness you have your Hobosexuals, Narcissists, Fuck Boys, Liars, Con Artist, and your good old Fashion Toxic Cheater. I am only scratching the mere surface of some of the characters I am seen first hand or seen women share online.
Let’s peel back the book “Don’t Forget Your Crown” by Derrick Jaxn to see if it’s a value-added and worth reading. If you are a regular follower of his platform, the book doesn’t say anything you haven’t heard before. If you have been sleeping under a rock or don’t have social media. ( And yes, some people do not have social media in 2019.) Derrick Jaxn is a social media influencer, and self-proclaimed relationship guru.
I stumbled across one of his videos several years ago on Facebook. He was sitting in his car in what appeared to be a rant. But this wasn’t any old rant he was spilling the secrets on the games men play with women’s hearts and peace of mind. Intrigued, I scrolled the comments. Women were thanking him, and men hated him.
By spilling all the Tea, he betrayed the Bro Code. He was giving away the secrets on how men were lying cheating and playing games. I think it was around 2016 his Car Seat Rant started circulating my news feed, shared amongst the women I socially connected with. And boy oh boy, he was spilling all of the Tea. After binge-watching several of his videos, I became a regular subscriber. His signature intro “Team Jaxn, what’s happening” was inclusive yet straightforward. I knew he was onto something when men on my newsfeed were trying to discredit him. As his popularity grew, of course, so did the haters. Some guy even went as far as taking his picture and creating a post pretending it was him. While other men ate it up like candy, the faithful Team Jaxn wasn’t buying it.
His warnings and advice were so spot on, I started to discover issues within my relationship. This made me pay closer attention when I noticed a change in behaviors. When I addressed, it almost always ended with an argument. I can recall how triggered my ex would get whenever he heard his voice when I played one of his videos. I felt his posts had real validity to it. There I was arguing with my ex because he hears me listening to a rant regarding what I thought was something unrelated to my relationship. I was wrong. Given how triggered, he was on what I thought were issues regarding Single women and their dating drama. I had a fuck boy right under my nose.
It wasn’t just the secrets to how men manipulated women or got away with cheating and lying regularly. He also gave insight on recognizing red flags early on, how to reconnect with yourself when you felt like you are tripping. Only to realize you were right. Man, I tell you I saw those red flags in men I worked with or interacted with loud and clear. Followers would tag or message him on relationship situations, asking for his input and opinions on if the parties involved were valid in the decisions they made. What I respect he owned up to his past flaws and mistakes. He admitted to his role in being a fuckboy. He also mentions he’s a continued work in progress. I can respect a person continuously working on self-improvement.
When I tell you, men hate on him yet won’t take the time to listen to the fact he advocates on the side of women. I know first hand how mentally and emotionally exhausting being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value and respect you. Being emotionally invested in someone who doesn’t deserve your heart and commitment is a gut punch. It’s heartbreaking spending so much time and energy on a man who is not worth the black sticky shit on the bottom of your shoe. His continued message is that men have to do better, and women deserve better spoke to my soul. It comes with loving and respecting yourself first. You have to know your worth and value. Self-care begins with self-love.
In 2018, and he published, “Don’t Forget Your Crown.” I did not immediately jump to it. I will be honest. I thought the book was more geared towards Single Women who struggle with their own self worth and value. I judged this book by its cover. I was already following him on Facebook and Instagram, and I already purchased his card games months prior, I felt there was no need for me to read the book. Surprisingly a year after it was published, someone close to me gifted me a copy, and after a query on social media, 75% of my audience who voted said yes to doing a book review.
The first couple of chapters felt oddly familiar. It wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. Instead of it being a written summary of his social media videos, it was similar to another book I read more than ten years prior. Michael Basden’s “Men Cry in the Dark.” It had been years since I read the book, and I had to go back into my library and dust it off —it had a very similar story and structure. Even though the book is told in the third person and published in 2003, the story and conflicts were very similar. Disclaimer, it’s not a copy. There were similar stories of conflicts, cheating, games, self-awareness, redemption, and forgiveness. “Men Cry in the Dark” revolved around one character. “Don’t Forget Your Crown” provided multiple perspectives to include Derrick’s.
I like how Derrick framed the book from his experience versus a typical self-help guide in some of the chapters. I guess it was a way to build trust amongst his new readers unfamiliar with is advice-giving on social media. I am making a massive assumption. Chapter 13 was a real eye-opener. I won’t spoil it for those who want to read it.
If you are a woman struggling with dating or relationships in the digital era, this is going to be a difficult read. It will put you face to face with your habits and actions. You will see the men you have interacted with in his stories. I would say take the information, process, and use it to avoid repeating the same mistakes. His message throughout the book is consistent, love, and respect yourself. You deserve better and don’t lower your standards for those fuck boys with the silver tongues. Trust and listen to your gut and intuition. You are not tripping or crazy. The right man will value what you have to offer and what you bring to the relationship without taking advantage of your heart. Don’t let disrespectful actions in the beginning slide. It will get worse as time progresses. Know when to walk away.
There is a positive light. Derrick does acknowledge and recognize the good men out there. As a woman, you have to first heal your heart, love yourself, acknowledge, and communicate those needs to a potential mate. Recognize self-destructive behaviors that attract the less than desirable fuck boys. Enforce boundaries and have limits to what you are willing to put up with.
After reading “Don’t Forget Your Crown,” I realize some, and it’s a good majority of men. Have some deep internal emotional issues that are problematic for anyone looking to develop an intimate relationship. Even with explicit communication on what emotional needs require maintenance, there is this disjointed expectation that women are supposed to manage the emotional needs of men while their own emotional needs go neglected. Personally, that’s not something I want to sign up for when entering a relationship with any man. Having high emotional intelligence needs to be a prerequisite to any physical and emotional connection. The days of needing a man to provide for your primary and financial needs are over. Women are more educated, making more money, and taking on more senior leadership positions at work. On top of being mothers and nurturers, the cup is quite full. Getting involved with an emotionally stunted and needy man is the worse thing a high caliber woman can do. They are parasites that suck your soul, life energy, and love out of you. No matter how lonely you think, you may feel, whatever your socioeconomic status is, no woman deserves that in their life.
You are already a queen in the aspect you have the innate ability to do it all. Remember, no matter how strong you are, you have emotional and spiritual requirements that need to be met. You are human and need to have your soul replenished.
Communicating your needs and having boundaries is self-care and self-love. Don’t waste your time on someone who does not offer a value-added to your life. It doesn’t matter who you are or what your situation is you deserve better and should demand better. Never settle for less.
My only major criticism is that I wished Derrick would have released an audiobook. For a busy person, audiobooks are a great way to take in knowledge, plus hearing his voice makes the writing stick in your mind. Besides, that book is an easy read once you carve out some time to read it. At 150 pages, you can finish it in one weekend. If time permits
The book provided insight and perspective on the complicated emotional journey called relationships. It placed a mirror on my own personal healing and recovery from a toxic relationship. Honestly, I recognized the downfalls ahead of time, the book just reinforces my decision to leave a toxic marriage. It was the best decision ever. I highly recommend reading it if you are sick of running into fuck boys, or you are unhappy in a relationship where your emotional needs are not being met by your partner. You feel drained and need to figure out why you are attracting the wrong people.
If you are a huge fan of Derrick Jaxn he has other published works and a compilation of poems on Audible as well as a card game to stimulate conversations. I recommend checking out his social media before spending your money.
I appreciate the work he has done over the last couple of years. He’s brought to light and addressed behaviors and issues that are very unhealthy and toxic. People deserve to be in a relationship that shares mutual love, respect, and honesty.
Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life