Self Love | Bohemian Visions

Bohemian Visions

Tag: Self Love

The Philosophy and Story behind My Mantra Do you, Be you, Love you

December 31, 2019

Scholarly Bohemian

Everyone has a mantra or personal philosophy they live by. It evolves from many different sources and situations. Some are a family lineage of why others evolved from experiences. If you have been following my articles, I have always ended it with these six words. Do you, Be you, Love you. They carry a long history, so of course, it would be incorporated into the brand. It is a part of me and has been for a significant portion of my life.

I’ve been around before Social Media consumed every aspect of our waking lives. I have watched how it’s diminished individual values and worth in exchange for numbers of followers and social engagements. People tend to connect more online than they do in person. As a photographer, a good majority of the people I shoot are a mix of clients and models. What I find interesting how shy and awkward people are before I shoot them. They are in front of the camera, it’s a different persona. Once the final edits are posted to social media, the attitude shifts. The number count starts to climb, and the comments flood in, the confidence somehow increases. Their digital avatar is entirely different from the person I was photographing.

I am not immune to the influence of social media. Depending on who you are talking to My digital avatar ranges from a bully to a confident badass. Since starting my business as a writer and photographer, I have somewhat grown to dislike it. I know people using it are looking to connect and feel relatable.

Unfortunately, both the Writing and Photography side of the brand requires me to have some sort of following. If I want to do business with brands to grow, if I want people to see my work, it requires building a following. It’s like my value as an artist is all dictated by how many people see my work through my captions and hashtags. Many in my industry advise writing about what people want vs. what’s on my heart. It’s a bit of a conundrum if you are trying to make money off your writing and photography.

Because of this requirement as an entrepreneur and businesswoman, I found myself relying heavily on my mantra. To find a middle ground on the ever-changing dynamics of the business world in the digital era. And remain faithful to me and live my authentic self. Brands and Social Media wants you to compartmentalize yourself into one specific niche. Honestly, I can’t do that with my life. I am more than just one particular thing. I have a lot of titles, skill sets, and I have two sides to my business. So how do I go against the status quo? Honestly, I really don’t know. I am figuring it out as I build and grow my company into a household brand.

The Philosophy and Story behind My Mantra Do you, Be you, Love you 1 — Brand Logo

So what does Do you, Be you, Love you mean? Let’s break them down into why I have lived by them, and it’s not just a tag but who I am.

Do you:

Do what brings you joy and happiness. Too many times, people mean well but place unnecessary expectations on how you should navigate the world. Parents and family even friends want you to live this life, marry this person, have that career. You have to do what’s best and right for you. This applies to every aspect of your life. If you are unhappy in your relationship, you have to do what’s best for you. If you are in a job you hate and brings you no satisfaction, you have a choice. Life is about making an opportunity, seizing moments, and taking chances. If you stay in a shitty relationship or a shitty job, that is your choice. Where people get it wrong is believing they don’t have a choice or not having options. You always have a choice, and you still have options.

Folks tend to impose their views and opinions unto others believing their values are right. Religious groups are notorious for that. The people we love and whose opinions we value are also the biggest offenders. So you have a choice, do you live your life at the expectations of others? Or do you live your life for you? Do what makes you happy and gives you purpose. Whenever I am asked in assisting in deciding a life choice, I always remind them it’s their life. I refrain from inserting my values because there is so much to the situation I am not aware of. This lesson was a painful one to learn because I lost friends due to my own judgemental views.

Opinions are free, and everyone has one. People have evolved from merely giving unsolicited advice to demanding how a person should live. It’s crazy how values and belief in something have morphed into this extreme cult. It’s incredible how many people get so easily offended on the personal decisions of a complete stranger. Like, why are you mad that a new mom decided to pierce her child’s ears at 2 months? Are you taking care of that child? Are you donating your time by babysitting? So why does it matter to you what someone in another state is doing? I’m pretty sure that new mommy received sound counsel from her pediatrician before making the decision.

This is just an example of the many posts I have seen across all platforms. I say fuck what people think and say about you. Do what you feel is best for you and the people you are responsible for. As long as it’s not impeding on the livelihood of another consenting adult who cares.

Be you:

Live your truth, whatever that may be. Many demographics are forced to hide their true selves because of fear. Fear of being shunned or publicly shamed. Many times that rejection turns violent in the aspect of self-harm or harm towards another. It’s very painful and stressful when the rejection comes mainly from family. It is soul-crushing. Find a group or a tribe that will accept you for you. Family is not necessarily Blood. Sometimes Blood are the main ones who reject your identity. I would be lying if I said this wasn’t difficult. It took me a long time to cut off the very people I once called family.

Be your true authentic self. There are situations and circumstances where you can’t really be yourself. High school is a perfect example. The struggle of finding your authentic self and navigating social landmines is terrible. That is a period in my life I never want to repeat.

Professions like the military is another example where one would put on a mask to fit in and fall in line. How a person presents themselves on the outside is dictated by uniform policies. What is said, how it is said, how you react to shitty people is hidden behind the veil of professionalism. It’s even more apparent when you observe senior ranking service members. Facial expressions and nonverbal body language say it all. The cognitive dissonance observed when there is a disagreement on policy is expressed and quickly covered up with a mask called professionalism.

When a large group of people from all areas of the world with a different set of values and upbringing comes together. As a collective, it makes for an interesting dynamic.

Social Media is another environment where authenticity is sought after. In an ocean of copycats, It’s a challenge. The thing to ask yourself is, how do you want to portray yourself to the world? Will you be happy with it? Only you will know the answer to these questions.

Love you:

It’s pretty self-explanatory yet difficult to do. everything starts with loving yourself first. It’s harder than loving others. Self-care begins with loving yourself even when others don’t. Love yourself when you are in doubt with yourself, when you don’t feel or look your best. Loving you is also establishing personal boundaries and enforcing those boundaries. It falls in the realm of self-respect. When you respect yourself, you won’t allow anyone to disrespect you. Loving yourself will enable you to do what’s best for you and being your authentic self. It all starts from within. Please do not confuse self-love with narcissism they are very different. Loving yourself is recognizing toxic behaviors and having the strength to walk away. It’s knowing your personal worth and value and what you bring to a relationship or employment.

Never let anyone diminish you as a person or your value. Insecure and mediocre people with try to diminish you to make themselves feel relevant or valid. Folks will take advantage of your kindness and generosity for their own selfish gain. Recognize these toxic people and cut them out. They don’t love you or care about you. This is as bluntly I can put it.

As you can see, those six words carry a lot of meaning. Self-love comes with a lot of growth and reflection. It takes time, multiple mistakes, and outside help like therapy to strengthen my resolve. I hope this story can help you find yours. Until next time.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life.

Going Against the Status Quo

December 30, 2019

Bohemian Thoughts

“As you become more clear about who you really are, you’ll be better able to decide what is best for you – the first time around.” ~Oprah

Think about the last time someone told you couldn’t do something or criticized a decision you made for yourself that had nothing to do with them. Yes, it is quite annoying. Many have said never talk about Politics and Religion because emotions can get very heated. Let’s add Parenting to the category, mainly Parents of children ages five and below.

Watching women on social media bash and criticized new mothers on everything from piercing their baby’s ears, breasting feeding, formula feeding, tummy time. Dear Gawd, these women are vicious on how they attack a new mom online regarding the choices they make regarding their child. One would think the new mom was committing a terrible crime. Lord forbid if the new mom is young and a celebrity it’s another layer of criticism. This is just an example of how someone can be rudely intrusive when it comes to the decisions you make for yourself and your family and it has nothing to do with them.

Starting a new business or making a major life change is almost like being a new mom. Stress and anxieties are similar. Deciding to take a leap of faith turns a hustle or a dream into a business. In some situations, you are doing something out of the ordinary. You will be faced with people on the sidelines telling you, you can’t do something, it’s not what the “market” wants.

Whatever it is you decide to do, starting a business, changing careers, or rediscovering yourself, there’s always a flip side of the support coin. It messes with your head, it rattles your confidence, you begin to question is this the right choice and decision. Are you making the right decision? People close to you may mean well but will try to discourage you from taking risks. It’s incredibly frustrating because they are supposed to support you actively, but they are doing it from a hands-off passive approach, or a discouraging doubtful approach.

When making a significant change in your life, the first thing you must do is shake off any external doubts thrown your way. If you are already hard on yourself, don’t let others get into your head. You have to push passed the “Haters” and Naysayers.” If you don’t, the proverbial mind-fuck will happen. Deep down, something told you, you needed to do this. The reality is when you are going on a journey to self-improvement and change, you will lose friends and in some cases, family. People don’t like change.

Here is my favorite quote from Grey’s Anatomy regarding change:

“Change. We don’t like it. We fear it, but we can’t stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind. It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying, but here’s the truth. Sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is everything.

When deciding to take the path less traveled, ask yourself, are you doing it for you are someone else’s happiness? This is something for you to answer for yourself.

The status quo is a mental chain that keeps you in line with the expectations of what everyone else is doing like sheep in a heard. It’s the fear and doubt of others that hold you back from achieving and maximizing your maximum potential. The status quo says you can’t do this or that when your heart and passion says otherwise. The struggle and difficulties will always be there, it’s the mental mountain you have to traverse to get to the top and succeed. Many already know the climb gets steeper and harder as you get closer to the top or plainly put your reaching your goal.

I use to work in a job that acknowledged the treatment and culture of others was flat out wrong. Many people would witness policy and ethical violations and excuse the behaviors by responding with “It is what it is.” these violations were not committed by low ranking employees. They were engaged by senior-level leaders. What made it worse was when it was reported, the individual who filed the complaint was the one to transfer from that section.

The senior person moved on in some cases, got promoted to a higher position. While the individual who reported the incident was passively blackballed, transferred to another location, or discredited. This feeling of helplessness and anger often times fuel a more profound sense of purpose. Coworkers would I ask why I don’t say anything, and my response is because I have bills and a family. I am not in a position to influence change in this current situation. I will take this encounter to feed the bigger picture. It’s a complicated situation. How do you exercise courage without compromising your livelihood?

Petyr “LittleFinger” Baelish, from The Game of Thrones, said something that explained the situation:

“You know what I learned losing that duel? I learned that I’ll never win. Not that way. That’s their game, their rules.”

You can’t go up against a system designed to ensure you lose. You can’t go against a system where the opponent wrote the rules. Working in a profession with unspoken rules and a culture of not what you know but who you know. I was told by countless people. Learn the game and play it. Know when to keep your head low. Know who are the decision-makers, movers, and shakers. The underlying rules and systems were how you survived and got ahead. Those who were fortunate to climb up never make changes. From my observation, since they are the outsiders in the club, they really keep their heads down. The chances of having them be an advocate for change is a lost cause.

Going against the status quo is knowing how to position yourself to have a seat at the table. Being the decision-maker. Knowing what oppositions and challenges, you are going to face and addressing it head-on with conviction. Not everyone is cut out to be an entrepreneur. Not everyone is in the financial position to simply quit a job they hate. How you deal with that situation is your choice. Contrary to what many people believe, everyone has a choice in the decisions they make in their lives. You have a choice on how you decide to live and navigate your life.

“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb. They refuse, they cling to the realm, or the gods, or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.” ~Petyr Baelish “The Game of Thrones.”

Many people are paralyzed by their current and past situations. It’s the leash that tethers them from being great or operating that their maximum potential. I have personally found the phrase “never forget where you come from” as an example of that tether. It tends to apply to those who rose from the slums in a sort of Cinderella story. Instead of accepting the change associated with the upgrade. Insecurities and jealousy are created, and this statement is thrown around to remind the individual of their humble beginnings. There is the underlying meaning of not forgetting the people from their humble beginnings. I understand many see it in a different way.

Mediocre people will make you feel bad and expect you to reduce yourself in order for them to feel good. Don’t do it. Don’t regress and move backwards to comfort them. They will accuse you of being better than them. Just pause and remind yourself, you are not better than them, they think you are better than them. Now you have a decision to make. You don’t need that kind of energy in your life.

It takes a great deal of strength to go against the status quo. It also takes being smart and aware when to pick and choose your battles. I caution, don’t be the sacrificial lamb. Don’t compromise your values and personal integrity. Before going to “Battle,” ask yourself what is the overall outcome you are trying to achieve? Are you ready to lose friends and family? Are you prepared to climb the mountain alone? Are you prepared to have sleepless nights and moments of doubt?

These questions apply to everything. Starting a business, leaving a job, losing weight, moving to a new place, even ending a toxic relationship. Change is harder for people on the outside to accept than the person exercising the change. Don’t let that stop you from achieving your goals and dreams.

Surrounding yourself with like-minded people who can relate to the struggles and challenges of accomplishing your goals. They understand the frustrations that come with taking risks. Having the right people to support you in your cause, and talk you off the ledge that’s called doubt helps a great deal. You have to have a strong sense of self, self-worth, and self-value. Having faith in yourself in accomplishing what you set your mind to will give to the strength when it gets hard. You will feel like quitting, you will want to cry and scream, and you may feel alone. Don’t you are not alone in your journey. Just know if it were easy, everyone would be living their best life and their dreams a reality. Chickens don’t soar with Eagles.

Good luck on your journey, remember you are not alone there are tribes going through the same struggles and will support you. No matter how crazy your ideas or dreams may be deep down in your soul, it will be successful. Don’t let anyone or anything deter you from it. You got this just stay focused on the prize at the end of the journey.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

The Book that Changed My Life (You are Really a Badass...)

December 28, 2019

Scholarly Bohemian

The Book that Changed My Life (You are Really a Badass...) 2 — The Book that Changed My Life (You are Really a Badass...) 3

This is not your typical Book review criticizing the author and the context of the information published. More like how the writer’s advice and the implementation of it changed my entire approach to how I handle the challenges thrown at me in my day to day life. True story, I found this book while purchasing a snack and bottle of water before catching my flight. At the time, I needed to make some significant changes in my life. I was at a fork in the road and a major rut. There it was on the shelf with the other New York Best Sellers. The brightly colored cover, and it’s a catchy title. I will admit the title was what sold me to buy it. Since I had an eight-hour flight to Europe, I figure why the hell not. Well, I didn’t quite read the entire thing I bounced back and forth between sleeping, watching airline movies, and surfing social media. Even after I landed it just couldn’t finish it. That summer, I decided to give audiobooks a try. Many influential people I respect and follow on Youtube and social media, all swear by audiobooks, they all recommended dedicating 30 minutes or more a day, preferably in the morning doing your routine while getting dressed. So I downloaded the book, and it became my morning ritual. After my shower, I played my audiobook and took in the words of Ms. Sincero the author, as she narrated the chapters.

The energy you put out is the same energy you receive she said. When you desire something badly, you find ways to make that desire a reality. When I tell you everything Jen said was the truth, I was floored my first week implementing being one with my energy flow, my environment, and the desires of my heart. It started off with little things, like upgrading my airline ticket to first class. Once I noticed my attitude and energy really affected the outcome of my circumstances and how I reacted to them, I was on a whole new vibe.

I will never forget I was listening to a chapter that was about putting myself first. I was struggling with a decision, and there it was as if Jen knew I needed help with the answer. The decision was made I put myself first. The funny thing was I felt like I was already a badass. But I was clouded with a lot of conflict and negativity from outside agencies and people who were in my inner circle. Deep down, I really needed to change. I was truly unhappy with the state of my life. My relationship was a constant battle, my health was not in the best conditions, I hated how my body looked and felt, I grew to resent my career and the direction it was going. I felt myself wanting to scream from the inside out. I needed clarity and focus. I needed a sign to scream at me.

The book is very relatable to me due to the fact it was realistic and achievable. I felt like the author, Jen, was speaking directly to me, as if she knew I needed to hear these words to start the movement to change my life. I have always been a confident person, but those moments where my confidence was tested, it’s unnerving. Deep down, I needed a real change in my life really. I knew it was something I could control, but I didn’t know how to get out of this sticky funk. I was not operating at a high level of frequency, I was not in sync with the universe.

You are allowed to be in your feelings then moved on don’t spend time dwelling on it. You have to pull up your pants and dust yourself off and keep going. If there is anything I took from this book is, life is fucked up how you deal with it determines your success and happiness. Happiness is not a cookie-cutter standard, what may work for one, but not necessarily for you. You just have to figure it out along the way. find what works and what doesn’t. I love how she emphasizes on not being defined by your story. Your past should not define your future. Success and happiness are not an upward trajectory. It’s more like a heartbeat or the ticker on the New York Stock Exchange.

The pressures of society like why are you 30 years old and unmarried or married with no children is unbelievably annoying, like who says you have to have these things to be happy. You have to have those things to be successful in life. Before when those questions were asked of me, it felt awkward, and I would answer hesitantly. As if I was ashamed to not have met those milestones. Now when these questions are asked, my response is that’s an insulting and stupid question. I am not sure if I asked those questions too in the past. Now I avoid it altogether unless its the general get to know you questions like are you married with kids? I will never ask someone why aren’t they married or have kids.

My entire perspective on life and how I operate in it has changed since reading and listening to this book I actually did read it to gain more clarity. My second time listening reinforced what was taught to me. I am the mistress of this narrative called life. I drive and command how I am going to live in it. I started becoming more selective about who I allow into my life and how I spent my time. I was determined on being in sync with the universe, protecting my personal space, and putting my mental and physical well being before anything. If it was a detriment to any aspect of having a healthy overall quality of life, I immediately cut it off.

I make a conscious effort of fostering meaningful relationships that have a purpose instead of investing energy in transactional and superficial relationship with no true purpose.

Saying no without apologies and explanation is a liberating experience. I owed no one anything if it conflicted with my path to self-improvement. I started to feel like my old self, bold, honest, and true to my core values. I was focused on living my authentic self. After every chapter, Jen would end it with love yourself. Loving myself was about not taking crap from anyone, even those who claimed to love me. It was about enforcing the notion of respecting my time, my space, and my value. Loving myself is about respecting me and knowing my value and worth that I bring. It was about living authentically, the person I think I am and the person I really am are on the same page.

Life never has the right time for a singular moment. I learned I have to just do it. Sometimes I am paralyzed by fear wondering if I am making the right decision. When it’s all over, I am grateful I did it. So if you are not really into self-help books, but you need a push to kickstart your life to the path of authenticity and happiness. I do recommend giving this a try. It’s funny, relatable and it helped change my life.

Do you, Be you, Love you.
Bohemian Life

< 1 2

Content is protected. Right-click function is disabled.