Being an adult in the age of social media is hard AF. Raising children, going to work, paying bills, maintaining relationships is hard. There are only 24 hours in a day. On to of that, working out, getting enough sleep, and making time for you. Making friends that are genuine and meaningful is harder as an adult than it was as kids and teenagers. Social media in the very beginning brought people who would never interact with each other together in person. But I can’t help to take a step back and wonder hmm if we were in the same town, zip code, or area code, we saw each other regularly in person would we really be friends?
I will admit I suck at keeping in touch with people this stems from being taken advantage of by so-called friends. The type of fair-weather friends who are only around when they want and need something from you. I was always there for them but the same level of support is not reciprocated. It’s ironic I selected my living space based on my ability to entertain 10 or more people. Yet having lived in my house for three years I have never hosted an event in my home.
Has social media killed genuine friendships? People claim to desire the kind of friendships where there are weekend trips to the Farmers Market, Vacations to tropical islands or a simple night of hanging out and drinking wine. But is it all for show or is it genuine?
Making friends as an adult is pretty complicated most friendships carried over from childhood, some developed from highschool, sports teams, and few fostered from work. Commonalities are what bring folks together. Unlike children and adolescents, friendships compete with other relationships. Intimate partner/marriage, parenthood, and employment consume a good portion of an adult’s everyday life.
Women are more likely to stop maintaining those friendships as soon as they get into a romantic relationship than men. Some will stop soon after they have children. Some refuse to be friends with Single Women. Citing the risk of their boyfriend/husbands’ ability to be faithful. As if the boyfriend/husbands’ behavior is not his individual responsibility.
Many times women have neglected their female friends, some feel their husbands are the only friends they need and want. Despite this sentiment, their solace is social media. They seek those long lost friendships and connections replaced with cyber friendships. Now before you get triggered and start taking it personally in the comments scroll through your feed from the weekend and look at how many pics or posts from your “friends” How often do you see pictures from girl’s night? Think about the last time you hung out that wasn’t work-related, a wedding, a funeral, or a birthday party?
I understand many people will not posts their activities because they are private. I am one of them. I don’t post my strips and activities in real-time. It mainly has to do with security and safety. Also, social media is a sess pool of trolls and bitter as people. There are folks who low key don’t like you but want to watch what you are doing. Then there are folks who pretend to root for you until you are in the same zip code. Then it’s “oh girl I have been so busy” excuses.
When it comes to stepping outside the cyberspace and to real-life would those connections even manifest? Scrolling through my newsfeed reading posts on newfound relationships, birth announcements, weddings, engagements, It had me wonder. Would I really be real-life friends with the same people I have been connected to for years? Many of my connections stem from associations from Highschool, college, and work. Another group of connections revolves around mutual connections. The majority I haven’t seen in more than five years while others I have never met.
How man of my online connections would I actually be friends with? I am talking about true meaningful friendships where I would invite over to the house for drinks? I will say over the last ten years I lost count on how many times I have been turned down and or ghosted by women. They would comment like and support all of my major milestones and jokes. Yet when it came to taking our online” friendship” to the real world that’s when it all stopped.
It usually began with a Facebook check-in or a personal message “Hey I am in town we are minutes from each other want to meet up grab brunch or dinner?” The friendly exchanges now became radio silence. After a while, I just stopped extending invites. I can recall one time where I agreed to meet with a former FB friend for brunch I was in my home town for a trip and we messaged each other agreeing to the location. When I messaged her to confirm the time and location she wouldn’t respond. Once the time for the Brunch came I realized she wasn’t going to come. A couple of days later she commented on a meme I posted as if ghosting me didn’t happen. I have since unfriended her and other women who took my friendship for granted. I have learned once an invite has been turned down, and the friendship feels one-sided I write them off. They are now in a new category Social Media Acquaintance.
A Social media acquaintance is someone who is less than a regular acquaintance. They are someone I would never interact with in person. Our interactions are strictly online and nothing more. Personal private exchanges are very minimal or nonexistent. It’s nothing they did directly their energy and personality doesn’t vibe with yours. They are equivalent to the work friend. You chat and shoot the shit with them at work but you will not hang out with them outside of work. Sometimes friendships downgrade to social media acquaintances.
People pretend to care about the folks they interact with online but in reality, it’s their guilt that makes them realize how truly fucked up they are when it comes to maintaining friendships. The memes of traveling together as friends is all bullshit. What about the social connections with folks I have never met before? Everyone knows what a person posts on their social media is not the complete version of them.
I truly believe there are meaningful friendships outside of social media. Where it is both mutual. Where it allows people to stay in touch, foster growth when distance and proximity would prevent such connections. It requires both parties to make an active effort until then true friendship will only exist in cyberspace.
Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life