Bohemian Visions

Tag: Relationships

Intimate & Passionate Couples Boudoir Sessions: 4 Ways to Immortalize Your Genuine Connection

Couple kissing
January 19, 2024
Intimate & Passionate Couples Boudoir Sessions: 4 Ways to Immortalize Your Genuine Connection 2

Are you and your partner seeking something outside the box to capture your love for each other? Have you consider a couples boudoir session. Capturing passion, intimacy, and the intertwined nature of love through Couples Boudoir goes far beyond risqué or erotic themes. It is immortalizing the love and passion you have for one another. When skillfully executed, a couples boudoir session becomes a profoundly moving celebration of two people’s genuine, unscripted intimate connection behind closed doors.

Capturing passion and intimacy through Couples Boudoir transcends erotic themes. When skillfully executed, dual sessions become profoundly moving celebrations of the authentic connection two people share behind closed doors. It’s just for you two to have as an heirloom momento.

The imagery eternally preserves the singular rapport between partners – those intimately understood bonds nurtured over time. As emotive boudoir specialists, we approach Couples bookings seeking to reveal through extraordinary photography the distinctive trust and affection at the heart of a relationship’s foundation.

The resulting heirloom-caliber portraits pay tribute to the nuances of chemistry only these two souls embody. We aim to sculpt stunning fine art encapsulating the very fingerprint of the duo’s exclusive partnership dynamic.

This condenses the original content while focusing on emotional keywords like “authentic, “intimately understood bonds” and the uniqueness of the couples’ rapport. Please let me know if you would like any other changes! I’m happy to keep refining.

The images immortalize the partners’ distinctive rapport while conveying safety, respect, mutual understanding, and the implicitly understood bonds built over time. As masters of emotive boudoir photography, we approach Couples Sessions as collaborators seeking to produce extraordinary, heirloom-quality artworks showcasing the distinctive trust and affection these two humans dwell in.

1. Preparing Your Mindset For Your Couples Boudoir Session

Embarking on an elegant boudoir photography journey as a couple requires bravery from both partners to bare oneself intimately. As well as stripping down in front of the photographer. Adding another heart and body into the creative mix heightens vulnerability, necessitating grace and care around personal boundaries. That is why upfront communication proves absolutely vital before our lenses ever start clicking. It’s important to discuss boundaries for all parties involved.

Through transparent conversations about comfort levels, mutually desirable aesthetics, vulnerable “what-if” worries, and respecting subtle nonverbal cues, we sensitively co-choreograph an experience exquisitely attuned to the exact cadence of trust and affection unique to your relationship’s rhythm. Maintaining open flows of verbal and physical listening enables us to pivot gracefully, adapting in real-time to protect the comfort of all. Our foremost goal dwells in providing a container where the organic magic kindling between you two can unfold and be honored as we capture it unscripted.

The images revealing that exclusive chemistry will reflect back to you the extraordinary beauty of how your journeys have intertwined. Yet we cannot crystalize on camera what has not first been communicated clearly off-camera between lovers. Do the essential work together beforehand of tracing out personal boundaries, hopes, nervous areas and assurances needed to feel safe. In doing so, you empower immersive creative flow beautifully highlighting the singular way your hearts connect.

2. Building Trust – The Foundation of Capturing Authentic Connection

Creating intimate boudoir portrait requires enormous trust between subjects and photographer. As specialists in emotive couples portraiture, we devote extensive efforts towards fostering a profoundly safe container for vulnerability before our lens. Establishing the optimal sensorial mood within our elegant studio space remains paramount.

We mindfully incorporate personal touches – from a couple’s cherished music kindling nostalgia to glowing candlelight eliciting a romantic ambiance. Favorite sweet treats and other comforting tastes and smells get integrated alongside soft-filtered lighting and thoughtfully selected props holding symbolic resonance.

Within this intimately curated scene, we guide clients through choosing wardrobe pieces carrying personal significance. Whether heirloom lingerie conveying her sense of feminine identity or garments from his collection underscoring cherished memories, adornments provide a vocabulary for the authentic partnership dynamic at play.

As the process unfolds, we slowly direct the couple through an escalating progression of connected poses initiated in comfort then gradually building into more complex, visually striking stances. Signatures gazes, gentle physical affection, and tender intertwined embraces characteristic of their exclusive rapport all crystallize before our attentive lens.

By first establishing an environment steeped in safety. This allows lowered inhibition to capture artful direction through intimate movement. We empower the highest caliber of uninhibited creative flow from our subjects. This makes possible breathlessly beautiful images immortalizing genuine moments of connection in all their rarity. The foundation of our work remains holding space for trust and vulnerability to guide authenticity before the camera.

3. Post-Production Magic

Of course, creating emotive art requires enhancing the raw photos through detailed editing. Our post-production process uses digital magic to highlight the beauty of each special moment captured during the session.

We carefully review all the photographs, selecting only the approved images showing meaningful connections between you two. Then we use editing software to turn great shots into absolutely stunning works of art.

Some of our editing tricks involve:

  • Making skin glow more radiantly while keeping a natural effect
  • Softening shadows or lines in flattering, subtle ways
  • Adjusting colors and tones to accentuate sensual mood
  • Perfecting small flaws until the images feel timeless

All that editing helps highlight the passion and intimacy already present. It draws the viewer’s eye to the love and uniqueness of your relationship documented within the scene.

From hundreds of images, we curate a collection of your session’s very best moments worthy of print or sharing. Our end goal is delivering photographs you’ll cherish forever – rich artworks capturing in frozen moments of time this utterly singular dance between your two souls.

4. Treasured Investment: Crafting an Heirloom Tribute to the Singularity of Your Bond

Unlike posed couples’ portraiture, boudoir photography offers a portal for encapsulating the genuine intricacies what makes your relationship breathe. Rather than settle for typical variations on romantic motifs, lean fully into this chance to co-author a completely unique visual love letter ode to the rare way your two lives have come to be interwoven as one tapestry.

Entrust us, experienced intimate artists, to guide you through a photography session deliberately designed to exalt the specific emotional topography of how affection stirs between you two alone. Invest in our sought-after Couples Boudoir not merely as steamy art, but as a timeless typographic fossil bespeaking the profound, precious way human hearts, though flawed, discover through fate’s mystery a soulmate fit to weather life’s wild terrain hand-in-hand.

Through elegant boudoir’s studio, allow us to immortalize flashes of the singular romance kindling that magnetized you together. Sculpt scenesilon conveying that unteachable familiarity found where two beings fumble then finesse a private language of trust, desire, respect and understanding unmatched by any other. Let the final heirloom collection showcase intimacy with nuance – honor that ineffable force which wove your very separate lives into a shared destiny as lovers, helpmates and co-caretakers of a bold new covenant fashioned perfectly for two.

Conclusion

When you look back in 10, 20 or 50 years, what captured moments will bring your hearts back to the very heartbeat that draws you two to one another today? Beyond posed holiday images stands an opportunity to immortalize through art the singular electricity alive between you in unscripted intimacy’s disguise.

Allow us the honor of composing a visual poetry to your partnership’s rhythms – not as they appear to any outsider, but as only you two know them within the secret sanctuary where bonds quietly strengthen and the rest of the world falls away. Design with us a signature gallery piece leaving evidence of how alike yet gloriously different your imprints on this world shall prove because fate saw fit to make your paths intersect.

Seize the chance to document a love already defying odds against all that might have kept you separate. Click now to inquire about our Couples Sessions for 2024 – an exclusive artistic collaboration producing exquisitely heirloom-quality nudes distilling desire, trust and understanding into dazzling fine art testifying that however briefly…you lived and loved here with a friend true as they come.

Could We Really Be Friends or Actually Like Each Other Outside of Social Media?

February 9, 2020

Being an adult in the age of social media is hard AF. Raising children, going to work, paying bills, maintaining relationships is hard. There are only 24 hours in a day. On to of that, working out, getting enough sleep, and making time for you.  Making friends that are genuine and meaningful is harder as an adult than it was as kids and teenagers. Social media in the very beginning brought people who would never interact with each other together in person. But I can’t help to take a step back and wonder hmm if we were in the same town, zip code, or area code, we saw each other regularly in person would we really be friends?

Mindy Kaling Adult GIF by Film Independent Spirit Awards

I will admit I suck at keeping in touch with people this stems from being taken advantage of by so-called friends. The type of fair-weather friends who are only around when they want and need something from you. I was always there for them but the same level of support is not reciprocated.  It’s ironic I selected my living space based on my ability to entertain 10 or more people. Yet having lived in my house for three years I have never hosted an event in my home. 

Has social media killed genuine friendships? People claim to desire the kind of friendships where there are weekend trips to the Farmers Market, Vacations to tropical islands or a simple night of hanging out and drinking wine. But is it all for show or is it genuine?     

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Making friends as an adult is pretty complicated most friendships carried over from childhood, some developed from highschool, sports teams, and few fostered from work. Commonalities are what bring folks together. Unlike children and adolescents, friendships compete with other relationships. Intimate partner/marriage, parenthood, and employment consume a good portion of an adult’s everyday life. 

Women are more likely to stop maintaining those friendships as soon as they get into a romantic relationship than men. Some will stop soon after they have children. Some refuse to be friends with Single Women. Citing the risk of their boyfriend/husbands’ ability to be faithful. As if the boyfriend/husbands’ behavior is not his individual responsibility. 

Many times women have neglected their female friends, some feel their husbands are the only friends they need and want. Despite this sentiment, their solace is social media. They seek those long lost friendships and connections replaced with cyber friendships. Now before you get triggered and start taking it personally in the comments scroll through your feed from the weekend and look at how many pics or posts from your “friends” How often do you see pictures from girl’s night? Think about the last time you hung out that wasn’t work-related, a wedding, a funeral, or a birthday party? 

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I understand many people will not posts their activities because they are private. I am one of them. I don’t post my strips and activities in real-time. It mainly has to do with security and safety. Also, social media is a sess pool of trolls and bitter as people. There are folks who low key don’t like you but want to watch what you are doing. Then there are folks who pretend to root for you until you are in the same zip code. Then it’s “oh girl I have been so busy” excuses.   

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When it comes to stepping outside the cyberspace and to real-life would those connections even manifest? Scrolling through my newsfeed reading posts on newfound relationships, birth announcements, weddings, engagements, It had me wonder. Would I really be real-life friends with the same people I have been connected to for years? Many of my connections stem from associations from Highschool, college, and work. Another group of connections revolves around mutual connections. The majority I haven’t seen in more than five years while others I have never met. 

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How man of my online connections would I actually be friends with? I am talking about true meaningful friendships where I would invite over to the house for drinks? I will say over the last ten years I lost count on how many times I have been turned down and or ghosted by women. They would comment like and support all of my major milestones and jokes. Yet when it came to taking our online” friendship” to the real world that’s when it all stopped. 

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It usually began with a  Facebook check-in or a personal message “Hey I am in town we are minutes from each other want to meet up grab brunch or dinner?” The friendly exchanges now became radio silence. After a while, I just stopped extending invites. I can recall one time where I agreed to meet with a former FB friend for brunch I was in my home town for a trip and we messaged each other agreeing to the location. When I messaged her to confirm the time and location she wouldn’t respond.  Once the time for the Brunch came I realized she wasn’t going to come. A couple of days later she commented on a meme I posted as if ghosting me didn’t happen. I have since unfriended her and other women who took my friendship for granted. I have learned once an invite has been turned down, and the friendship feels one-sided I write them off. They are now in a new category Social Media Acquaintance.

A Social media acquaintance is someone who is less than a regular acquaintance. They are someone I would never interact with in person. Our interactions are strictly online and nothing more. Personal private exchanges are very minimal or nonexistent. It’s nothing they did directly their energy and personality doesn’t vibe with yours.  They are equivalent to the work friend. You chat and shoot the shit with them at work but you will not hang out with them outside of work. Sometimes friendships downgrade to social media acquaintances. 

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People pretend to care about the folks they interact with online but in reality, it’s their guilt that makes them realize how truly fucked up they are when it comes to maintaining friendships. The memes of traveling together as friends is all bullshit. What about the social connections with folks I have never met before? Everyone knows what a person posts on their social media is not the complete version of them.  

I truly believe there are meaningful friendships outside of social media. Where it is both mutual. Where it allows people to stay in touch, foster growth when distance and proximity would prevent such connections. It requires both parties to make an active effort until then true friendship will only exist in cyberspace.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

How Self-care and Self-love Will Save Yourself from Drama (Book Review)

December 31, 2019

“Disclaimer I am not getting paid to conduct this review by Derrick Jaxn or anyone from his team. This was my personal decision”

Relationships in the digital era have been a landmine of drama. Many women, including myself, have noticed a trend of men manipulating and lying their way to women’s hearts, wallets, and sanity. These men come in a variety of foolishness you have your Hobosexuals, Narcissists, Fuck Boys, Liars, Con Artist, and your good old Fashion Toxic Cheater. I am only scratching the mere surface of some of the characters I am seen first hand or seen women share online. 

Let’s peel back the book “Don’t Forget Your Crown” by Derrick Jaxn to see if it’s a value-added and worth reading. If you are a regular follower of his platform, the book doesn’t say anything you haven’t heard before. If you have been sleeping under a rock or don’t have social media. ( And yes, some people do not have social media in 2019.) Derrick Jaxn is a social media influencer, and self-proclaimed relationship guru. 

I stumbled across one of his videos several years ago on Facebook. He was sitting in his car in what appeared to be a rant. But this wasn’t any old rant he was spilling the secrets on the games men play with women’s hearts and peace of mind. Intrigued, I scrolled the comments. Women were thanking him, and men hated him. 

By spilling all the Tea, he betrayed the Bro Code. He was giving away the secrets on how men were lying cheating and playing games. I think it was around 2016 his Car Seat Rant started circulating my news feed, shared amongst the women I socially connected with. And boy oh boy, he was spilling all of the Tea. After binge-watching several of his videos, I became a regular subscriber. His signature intro “Team Jaxn, what’s happening” was inclusive yet straightforward. I knew he was onto something when men on my newsfeed were trying to discredit him. As his popularity grew, of course, so did the haters. Some guy even went as far as taking his picture and creating a post pretending it was him. While other men ate it up like candy, the faithful Team Jaxn wasn’t buying it. 

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His warnings and advice were so spot on, I started to discover issues within my relationship. This made me pay closer attention when I noticed a change in behaviors. When I addressed, it almost always ended with an argument. I can recall how triggered my ex would get whenever he heard his voice when I played one of his videos. I felt his posts had real validity to it. There I was arguing with my ex because he hears me listening to a rant regarding what I thought was something unrelated to my relationship. I was wrong. Given how triggered, he was on what I thought were issues regarding Single women and their dating drama. I had a fuck boy right under my nose. 

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It wasn’t just the secrets to how men manipulated women or got away with cheating and lying regularly. He also gave insight on recognizing red flags early on, how to reconnect with yourself when you felt like you are tripping. Only to realize you were right.  Man, I tell you I saw those red flags in men I worked with or interacted with loud and clear. Followers would tag or message him on relationship situations, asking for his input and opinions on if the parties involved were valid in the decisions they made. What I respect he owned up to his past flaws and mistakes. He admitted to his role in being a fuckboy. He also mentions he’s a continued work in progress. I can respect a person continuously working on self-improvement.

When I tell you, men hate on him yet won’t take the time to listen to the fact he advocates on the side of women. I know first hand how mentally and emotionally exhausting being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value and respect you. Being emotionally invested in someone who doesn’t deserve your heart and commitment is a gut punch. It’s heartbreaking spending so much time and energy on a man who is not worth the black sticky shit on the bottom of your shoe. His continued message is that men have to do better, and women deserve better spoke to my soul. It comes with loving and respecting yourself first. You have to know your worth and value. Self-care begins with self-love. 

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In 2018, and he published, “Don’t Forget Your Crown.” I did not immediately jump to it. I will be honest. I thought the book was more geared towards Single Women who struggle with their own self worth and value. I judged this book by its cover. I was already following him on Facebook and Instagram, and I already purchased his card games months prior, I felt there was no need for me to read the book. Surprisingly a year after it was published, someone close to me gifted me a copy, and after a query on social media, 75% of my audience who voted said yes to doing a book review. 

The first couple of chapters felt oddly familiar. It wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. Instead of it being a written summary of his social media videos, it was similar to another book I read more than ten years prior. Michael Basden’s “Men Cry in the Dark.” It had been years since I read the book, and I had to go back into my library and dust it off —it had a very similar story and structure. Even though the book is told in the third person and published in 2003, the story and conflicts were very similar. Disclaimer, it’s not a copy. There were similar stories of conflicts, cheating, games, self-awareness, redemption, and forgiveness. “Men Cry in the Dark” revolved around one character. “Don’t Forget Your Crown” provided multiple perspectives to include Derrick’s. 

I like how Derrick framed the book from his experience versus a typical self-help guide in some of the chapters. I guess it was a way to build trust amongst his new readers unfamiliar with is advice-giving on social media. I am making a massive assumption. Chapter 13 was a real eye-opener. I won’t spoil it for those who want to read it. 

If you are a woman struggling with dating or relationships in the digital era, this is going to be a difficult read. It will put you face to face with your habits and actions.  You will see the men you have interacted with in his stories. I would say take the information, process, and use it to avoid repeating the same mistakes. His message throughout the book is consistent, love, and respect yourself. You deserve better and don’t lower your standards for those fuck boys with the silver tongues. Trust and listen to your gut and intuition. You are not tripping or crazy. The right man will value what you have to offer and what you bring to the relationship without taking advantage of your heart. Don’t let disrespectful actions in the beginning slide. It will get worse as time progresses. Know when to walk away.

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There is a positive light. Derrick does acknowledge and recognize the good men out there. As a woman, you have to first heal your heart, love yourself, acknowledge, and communicate those needs to a potential mate. Recognize self-destructive behaviors that attract the less than desirable fuck boys. Enforce boundaries and have limits to what you are willing to put up with.

After reading “Don’t Forget Your Crown,” I realize some, and it’s a good majority of men. Have some deep internal emotional issues that are problematic for anyone looking to develop an intimate relationship. Even with explicit communication on what emotional needs require maintenance, there is this disjointed expectation that women are supposed to manage the emotional needs of men while their own emotional needs go neglected. Personally, that’s not something I want to sign up for when entering a relationship with any man. Having high emotional intelligence needs to be a prerequisite to any physical and emotional connection. The days of needing a man to provide for your primary and financial needs are over. Women are more educated, making more money, and taking on more senior leadership positions at work. On top of being mothers and nurturers, the cup is quite full. Getting involved with an emotionally stunted and needy man is the worse thing a high caliber woman can do. They are parasites that suck your soul, life energy, and love out of you.  No matter how lonely you think, you may feel, whatever your socioeconomic status is, no woman deserves that in their life. 

You are already a queen in the aspect you have the innate ability to do it all.  Remember, no matter how strong you are, you have emotional and spiritual requirements that need to be met. You are human and need to have your soul replenished. 

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Communicating your needs and having boundaries is self-care and self-love. Don’t waste your time on someone who does not offer a value-added to your life. It doesn’t matter who you are or what your situation is you deserve better and should demand better. Never settle for less.

My only major criticism is that I wished Derrick would have released an audiobook. For a busy person, audiobooks are a great way to take in knowledge, plus hearing his voice makes the writing stick in your mind. Besides, that book is an easy read once you carve out some time to read it. At 150 pages, you can finish it in one weekend. If time permits

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The book provided insight and perspective on the complicated emotional journey called relationships. It placed a mirror on my own personal healing and recovery from a toxic relationship. Honestly, I recognized the downfalls ahead of time, the book just reinforces my decision to leave a toxic marriage. It was the best decision ever. I highly recommend reading it if you are sick of running into fuck boys, or you are unhappy in a relationship where your emotional needs are not being met by your partner. You feel drained and need to figure out why you are attracting the wrong people.

If you are a huge fan of Derrick Jaxn he has other published works and a compilation of poems on Audible as well as a card game to stimulate conversations. I recommend checking out his social media before spending your money.

I appreciate the work he has done over the last couple of years. He’s brought to light and addressed behaviors and issues that are very unhealthy and toxic. People deserve to be in a relationship that shares mutual love, respect, and honesty.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life 

Unapologetically Sexual and Having the Best Sex of My Life. (Book Review on The Game of Desire)

December 31, 2019

“Sexual pleasure is a legitimate right of the human being.”
~Samael Aun Weor

Shan Boody is one of my favorite YouTubers. Her content is like therapy for my soul. I love her candid and authentic commentaries on Love, Sex, and Relationships. I discovered her channel two years ago. I was drawn to how knowledgable, funny, and open she was when it came to sharing her personal experiences on her sexual history.

Shan Boody

If I had to describe who Shan Boody is, the best analogy is she is the 2019 upgrade to the renowned Sex Expert Dr. Ruth. I use to watch Dr. Ruth when I was younger. Both women are experts and bring a different perspective on Human Sexuality. Shan brings a fresh, updated, and relevant perspective on sex and relationship in the digital era. The fact that we are close in age adds an additional layer of relatability on top of her credentials. I respect her unbiased approach to dealing with the complications of 21st Century interactions with people, whether sexual, professional or friendships.

Shan’s Youtube videos are still relevant to how I dealt with my marriage. I have been out of the dating and casual scene for a few years. She offered a comprehensive variety of tips and advice regarding owning your sexuality, owning your sexual health, and knowing when to walk away from a toxic and abusive relationship. I love how personable and open she is on her social media platforms. What makes her so different from other YouTubers and Social Media Influencers is how she shares not so proud and embarrassing moments of her life. Like the time she had her Yoni Balls stuck and the drama, she went through to get them out. (It’s on her Youtube Channel) Watching that episode helped me several months later when I found myself in a similar predicament. Thank you for making that video.

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I like to describe myself has sexually free. Unconfined to the social norms and the status quo of society. I know what works and doesn’t work for me. I know what turns me on. What are the best sexual positions to achieve a single orgasm or multiple orgasms? I read so many books on sex, sex positions, seduction, and anything on improving my sexual health. I thought I wanted to be a sex expert. Before I got married, I was open to any sexual adventure. As long as it didn’t get me thrown in jail, was super painful, or put me at risk of contracting an incurable sexually transmitted disease. I was game for just about anything. My sexual history was mine and mine alone. I never kept a list of past sexual partners, nor a count of how many previous partners I had. I never associated my overall value as a person with the number of past sexual partners. My vagina did not determine my total value as a person. When the relationship ended, I never gave that person the attention of holding them in my memories or heart. Once it was over, it was over.

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Reading Shan Boody’s new book “The Game of Desire,” I can tell you, it validated everything. It justified my control for complete autonomy of my heart and body. Without giving away too much the book is one part self-help, with a mix of commentary, and throw in a technical “how-to” manual. It’s unique in the sense her tips are actually implemented while coaching the ladies she writes about.

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I have always been keen on my emotional self-awareness regarding my sexuality. It allowed me to be openly rebellious. Since society was clearly uncomfortable with the notion of a woman enjoying sex outside of procreation and male satisfaction, I learned how to separate my emotions from sex. Seeing the discomfort across a man’s face when I disclose a small fraction of my experience stroked my ego. Yes, I like sex, I have sex for pleasure because I want to. I don’t want a relationship with so and so. Or I want a relationship. No, I will not have sex with you again, because you are trash in bed. Or yes I want to have sex with you again because the sex was great. If my basic needs weren’t being met I walked away and chalked it up as a one night stand, or a bad date. When it came to my sexual needs and desires I will admit I am very selfish.

I already knew what my love language and my seduction style are since I previously read the Art of Seduction and The Five Love Languages. Yet I never really applied the two together. Not only does the book offer insight into your style, but holds a mirror to your flaws. I came face to face with my personality traits in how I deal with relationships, and it was eye-opening.

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The Game of Desire made me think about the annoyances associated with dating. Like being ghosted for no reason, or the other person is extremely insecure about themselves. When I got married, I felt free and safe to explore whatever fantasies that came to mind. It was like trying a new recipe I found online. I was able to let my emotions flow and be more vulnerable. There was a time where I loved being married. The passion, great sex, and emotional intimacy allowed me to feel safe where I could be vulnerable and open up to him.

Since I got married in my thirties, I knew what I wanted and how I wanted it. The excitement was more about discovering aspects of my sexuality with my husband without the rules and boundaries I placed when I was single.

Several years later, the marriage imploded. Everything that made us “us”, changed, and it changed for the worse. Since I was following influencers like Derick Jaxn and Shan Boody, walking away was a very easy decision. I realized I deserved so much better. I did not sign up to be in that type of marriage. Marriage was not supposed to be that hard. My value and worth told me I didn’t need to be in a toxic marriage. So, I walked away. I love and respect myself too much to stay in a situation that was unhealthy for my mental and emotional health.

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So after going back and forth, I officially got a divorce attorney and took steps to file for divorce. I thought I was going to regret it. The little voice in my subconscious telling me about all the good memories, flooding back saying “stay, don’t end it”. For a glimpse, it did. And then I remembered all the bad memories and the emotional drama it caused. The manipulation and abuse reminded me to GET THE FUCK OUT.

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I can honestly say, I learned a great deal from the failure of my marriage. My interest in a future date or partner is no longer based on potential but their actual performance. My eyes are wide open. I have read a lot of relationship self-help books over the years, yet they do not resonate the way The Game of Desire does. It’s relatable funny, compelling, and honest. It puts you face-to-face with the “real you” and how your potential partner will view you. It speaks to my soul. It’s healing and eye-opening when it comes to improving my own emotional intelligence moving forward from a disastrous relationship. It also allowed me to rediscover and fall in love with myself. Even though mentally, I am not ready or interested in a long term committed relationship. The book allowed me to mourn my marriage in a healthy and productive manner. Now, if I get a sense of Ex-Husband vibes, I am out. I have no desire or interest to fall back into the same behaviors that led to a toxic relationship.

The Game of Desire is more than a self-help book on relationships or finding love. It’s a tool that provides a mirror on how you navigate relationships and your emotional intelligence. I would like to describe it as a gateway to your id and ego. I love reading books that I can implement in my life, and allows me to be a better person. The Game of Desire is a perfect compliment to Shan Boody’s YouTube Channel and Counseling Programs. It’s an ideal addition to your library, and to listen/read every six months or so. So, if you want a guide on how to be successful in the digital era of dating, reevaluating your relationship/marriage, or recovering from a breakup, I highly recommend The Game of Desire.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

Stop Doing Wifey S**t with a Guy Who Won’t Claim You Let Alone Commit to You

December 30, 2019

So how do you avoid falling into the trap of being a Booty Call Wifey? What exactly is a Booty Call Wifey you wonder? Someone who was engaging in relationship type activities but the partner had no interest in committing to the other person.

Follow this story: Mary Jane meets a guy she’s extremely attracted to physically, mentally and emotionally. He says and does all the right things. She decides they should take the relationship to the next level, and they become physical. The problem started at the outset, Mary Jane was looking for a relationship but John/James/Lamar was looking for an FWB or fuckbuddy.  Mary Jane wanted their situation to develop into a committed relationship over time, without rushing. The two have different perspectives on the path of the relationship started the game. He tells her he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. He was severely hurt in his last relationship and he just wanted to enjoy her company. He tells her how much he likes her and “values” her friendship. REDFLAG! Mary Jane should back off her but she doesn’t, maybe it was his charm, good looks, or her lack of self-esteem.  

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The lines blurred as he continued pushing past her laid out boundaries.  He and Mary Jane were spending significant time together. It was natural to assume the friendship became a relationship given the amount of time passed. The guy made sweet little gestures, and in return, her affections grew. She cooked his meals, let him spend the night, even let him borrow her car. Everything appeared to be perfect until a quiet evening at her apartment, she snapped a photo of them cuddled up and captioned and tagged him in the picture, “home with my man.” Oh, this sent him into a fit of anger. “What are you doing,” he yells. Confused, she responded with just updating my Instagram. “What’s the issue,” she replies. 

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This was where her confusion turned into concern. She silently questioned his motives but out loud asked: why was it a big deal they had been seeing each other for months. He continued by stating how they were not in a relationship, and she should not be posting pics of him as if they were. Now her confusion turned into anger. “Then what are we she responds?” He pauses, “we are friends, homies,” he answered. It was a kick to the gut. Friends? Homies? Never mind the fact they were still having sex, he was spending the night, she was cooking him dinner. He was practically living with her. Mainly she was playing house while he only saw her as a friend with benefits. 

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As he went on about how he still wasn’t ready for a relationship and a commitment, all Mary Jane could hear was muffled noise coming out of his mouth. Like Charlie Brown’s teacher muffled and inaudible.  Anger mixed with disgust, feeling stupid and betrayed. “Get Out!” The words left her mouth. He just looked at her and said “what.” “Get the Fuck OUT!!!” She screams, repeating it again as she shuffles him out of her apartment. 

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How could she let this happen? Her intentions were clearly communicated, yet she felt he took advantage of her feelings. He knew the right things to do to disarm her. They were together for months. He led her to believe they were in a relationship through his actions. Whenever Mary Jane pulled away, tried to distance herself, he pulled her in, making her feel their relationship was legitimate.

This similar scenario has an all too familiar ending. There have been books and movies written about this topic in the modern digital era. 

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Men play into the emotional aspect of intimacy, creating this addictive and confusing sense of commitment and relationship. This type of behavior has been around for decades. The classic wanting your cake and eating it too. To want the best of both worlds. The perks of a committed relationship with the freedom of a casual encounter. Pretty messed up when the woman involved wanted love and commitment. While the man wanted a fuck buddy with wifey benefits.

It seems no matter how clear you lay out what you want, some men will side skirt those expectations for only one reason and agenda, sex.Marie

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So why target someone who wanted a relationship instead of hooking up with someone who wanted the same thing, something casual? Its called exclusive access without commitment. Instead of hooking up with a person who wanted the same casual encounter he does not want to compete with another partner. So the man in the story and so many others always goes after one who wanted a commitment. She won’t entertain other people and most likely have one sexual partner. He maintains control and access over her without commitment. 

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If you know someone who went through this situation or if you are dealing with it, a man in it. Look: Stop being a fuck boy and making excuses; just listen! Dismissing these experiences validates those fuck boy behaviors.

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It’s very discouraging knowing there is a possibility of running into this situation. I have seen countless friends and family members deal with this over and over again.  In an effort to protect your heart and your dignity, I have listed some rules below to prevent you from falling prey to these horrible behaviors. The last thing I will say, you must communicate your intentions upfront and be very clear, mix signals will get mixed results. Withholding sex never works but it weeds out the slugs, respect for yourself should matter more than what some fuck boy wants to do with his dick. You must have rules and follow them as if your life depended on it. It will save you a lot of wasted time and emotional currency

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Here are some examples. Establish personal rules need and you are comfortable with that can easily be followed for the long term:

1. Meet your date at the agreed location don’t have them pick you up that way if the date goes sideways you have the means to leave, and he doesn’t know where you live.

2. Don’t give the new guy your personal number, use Google Voice or some other app you can link your phone to. Many don’t realize the longer you’ve had your number the easier it is for him to cyberstalk you and pull information about you. Information that you are not ready to disclose like your work and home address. using a separate number is more for security and protection in case your date turns into a psycho creep.

3. If you decide to have sex, then go to his place. This will answer a lot of underlying questions such as is he married or in another relationship. He may hit you with he has a child living with him. The new excuse he’s still living with the ex for the sake of the children or financial hardship. Personally, this is a red flag. Ask yourself would you continue to live with an ex if you know your relationship is beyond repair? You have a couple of options like a hotel or don’t. He may insist on going to your place. Don’t do it. Just in case he turns into a complete analog stalker.

4. For your safety always have protected sex no matter what. If the discussion of removing condoms from the activity, you need a confirmed verification of his and your health status. Do you really want to risk your health and life over the word of a guy you don’t know?

5. Call him after 8:00 pm if he doesn’t answer at all or replies with shore texts with long pauses in between or none at all it may be a red flag. I recommend establishing a baseline. If your gut is sending red flags then listen. Your intuition is correct listen to it.

I stress these are just a few examples of some rules and boundaries you need to place to protect yourself from being hurt or wasting your time. Trust your instincts and your gut I cannot emphasize this enough. If something doesn’t feel right, then address it on the spot. If you feel like you’re not on the same page, discuss the issue. Don’t let him pressure or bully you into a situation you are not comfortable with.

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Boundaries are about simple respect. If the person doesn’t respect your boundaries, then they don’t respect you as a person. It has nothing to do with being courteous or polite if they are disrespecting you. Something to think about when you consider dating someone. Know your value and worth. You deserve better never forget that.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

Men are Like a Bottle of Wine, Just Read the Labels and Warnings so You Know What You Get.

December 8, 2019

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I have found a whole new appreciation for men they are truly like wine, just have to figure out what works with and for the pallet. Do you want them young and sweet like Moscato or Mature and refined like Pino? Do you want red, blush, rose or white? Do you prefer sweet or dry? The type that hits your taste buds with the first sip, or the kind that lingers in the back of your pallet after the last swallow. Like the grapes it takes to make, you get stomped on, spit out after only one taste, passed off, and requiring lots of time and patience. Like men, wine comes from many different vineyards that have their individual style and signature. No two bottles of Chardonnay are the same. So why expect that from men. It takes the right glass to bring out the full aroma and flavor of Pino Noire. Just like the right niche and motivation to bring out the best in a man.

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But a true Woman appreciates the art and time it takes to develop into the right flavor whether its by her own hand or another. For me, I am proud to say I am mature enough to spot the bottle of Boones Farm and Mad Dog 20/20 pretending to be of high quality. Its the bootleg type that makes you sick with a hangover. That makes it difficult to appreciate quality. Even Cheap table wine can go either way it’s all about what works for the individual person and their situation. On the flip side, an expensive bottle will go rancid if it isn’t cared for correctly. Often times the female sex bash, complain, criticize, and judge. Yet usually don’t take time to take it in with all five senses and absorb. A person of value knows how to recognize the Top Shelf but also knows how to recognize the hidden notes that don’t surface. Recognize what works and what doesn’t. This comes with time, experience, and patience to enjoy the pleasures life has to offer.

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So whether you have a bottle over dinner, a glass to unwind after a long day at work, or to set the mood for a romantic night. Cheers to the quality bottles both young and mature I appreciate the bull you put up with and the work you go through. It’s hard not being recognized for all you do. But like wine, with the right environment and conditions over time, you will flourish and thrive and be your best self to the fullest.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

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