Bohemian Visions

Tag: Self-Worth

What is Boudoir Photography? A Detailed Guide.

March 28, 2023
Bohemian Visions Photography

What is Boudoir Photography? A Detailed Guide. 2

Boudoir photography involves capturing intimate, romantic, and sometimes sensual images of the subject in a private setting. Unlike conventional photography which highlights external aesthetics, this genre focuses more on the personal and emotional side of a person. 

In this detailed guide, we will explore how boudoir photography empowers individuals and what are the essentials for a successful experience.

What Boudoir Photography Offers

Creating a collection of tasteful, intimate images is the best way to celebrate yourself and your true personality. Here are the benefits of capturing boudoir photos:

Boosting Self-Esteem

Boudoir photo sessions help individuals step out of their comfort zone and empower them by highlighting their true beauty. It helps you embrace a different side of yourself, fosters self-acceptance, and boosts self-esteem. 

Promoting Body Positivity

Boudoir photography celebrates all body types, promoting body positivity. The stunningly captured sensual photos show that beauty is diverse and unique. These create a greater sense of appreciation for one’s own body and break stereotypes.

Creating Personalized Gifts

Boudoir photos make exceptional personalized gifts for partners, anniversaries, or special occasions. These intimate and thoughtful presents leave lasting impressions. Plus, they convey love and affection like no other.

So, if you want to hire Virginia’s best boudoir photographer, Bohemian Visions is the right choice. Contact us today!

The Ultimate Guide to a Successful Boudoir Session

Here’s a comprehensive roadmap to ensure your boudoir session is a resounding success. From preparation to posing, this has got you covered.

Choosing the Right Photographer

Selecting the right photographer is a pivotal decision in your intimate photography journey. Begin with thorough research and a careful selection process. Look for photographers with specialized experience in boudoir photography. This ensures they understand the nuances of capturing sensual and empowering moments. 

Evaluating portfolios is quite helpful in this regard. Explore their previous work to gauge their style and versatility. Each photographer has a unique approach, so find one whose style resonates with your vision and comfort level. Consider their use of lighting, composition, and ability to make subjects feel at ease. By choosing wisely, you set the stage for an empowering boudoir experience. 

Preparation—Consultation, Your Look and Poses

A detailed consultation with your photographer helps you prepare mentally and physically for your boudoir session. This helps eliminate the hesitation and set the right mood.

The first step before getting started with a boudoir shoot is wardrobe selection and styling. Always choose an attire that makes you feel both comfortable and glamorous. Hair and makeup are also integral; consider professional services to enhance your natural beauty and confidence. 

Without the right poses and expressions, you can’t achieve the desired outcomes. So, it’s pivotal to collaborate with your photographer. They will guide you through flattering poses and capture your genuine emotions. This ensures that the final images radiate sensuality and self-assuredness. 

The Photoshoot Experience

Building trust with your photographer is necessary; this is done by maintaining open communication on both sides. A professional who prioritizes professionalism and the client’s comfort always ensures a successful and empowering experience. They’ll create a supportive atmosphere where you can relax and feel confident, resulting in intimate and stunning images.

Always expect a respectful approach and properly convey your desired vision to achieve a boudoir photoshoot that celebrates your unique beauty and personality.

Safety and Privacy

When it comes to boudoir photography, ensuring privacy and safety is extremely vital. Clients should be assured of their safety during the photoshoot. Photographers must provide a secure and private environment, free from any external intrusion or discomfort. This allows clients to relax and fosters confidence throughout the photoshoot.

Moreover, photographers should seek consent for all aspects of the shoot, from poses to wardrobe choices. This commitment reinforces a comfortable and dignified atmosphere.

Handling images securely is a non-negotiable ethical obligation. Professionals always store client images securely. They implement stringent protocols to protect privacy and prevent any unauthorized access or distribution.

Photography Equipment

Top-tier boudoir photography hinges on the choice of equipment. Make sure that the photographer is using full-frame cameras and prime lenses for a sharp focus on subjects while creating a pleasing background blur. Diffused lighting sources like strobes or natural light are commonly used to achieve flattering and sensual effects.

Conclusion

Boudoir photography is a potent tool for empowering oneself. It increases your sense of self-worth and acknowledges and honors your unique personality. Remember that a boudoir photo shoot is a journey towards self-discovery and assurance whether you’re thinking about getting one or attempting to understand the implications. And, with the valuable insights given above, you can have a clear vision of what you are seeking from a boudoir photoshoot. Through proper research, open communication, and devising a stunning look, you can get the results you want— strength, beauty, and self-assuredness. 

Do you, Be you, Love you

Ready for your Boudoir Photo Shoot? Let’s Talk

A Complete Guide to Boudoir and Glamour Photography

Boudoir Glamour Photography
January 29, 2022
Bohemian Visions Photography

Confused between Boudoir and Glamour? Okay, let’s start with the basics.

Boudoir, French, means a woman’s private room which can also be interpreted as a woman’s private space where she is all alone and enjoys her company. In boudoir photography, our photographer captures you in your own private space and comfort.  But when it comes to glamour the whole scene changes in this category a model is captured by photographers in our luxurious studio.

The Minute Difference between the Two- Explained

Boudoir being about everyday women getting sexy and alluring photos taken of themselves, the other important aspect of that is it’s also a way for a woman to celebrate, acknowledge, and express her sexuality and her body. It’s a very personal and private thing.

More focused on the models, the glamour photography highlights their natural features in a flattering and artistic way. It runs quite a spectrum, from conventional senior portraits of teen students to soft-core images used in men’s magazines.

Many glamour photographers view their work as art, exploring the nature of the human form and using a variety of stylistic techniques to highlight their models. Often, such photographs bring out another side of the model, using lighting, composition, and interesting poses to draw the model’s hidden nature out into the open. While glamour photography is often associated with sensual images, it doesn’t necessarily have to be sensual in nature.

One of the biggest differences between these two types of photography is that with Beauty/Glamour the emphasis is on a woman’s inherent beauty both inside and out. With Boudoir, the emphasis is more on a woman’s sexualized physical beauty.

All women are beautiful, whether in the literal sense or by having amazing inner beauty that just makes them attractive to other people. Boudoir photo shoots provide the artistic freedom to capture all that is special about a woman and her individuality. There are no rules or requirements imposed in a Boudoir photoshoot. A woman’s shape or body type is largely irrelevant because working on the basis that all women truly are beautiful, it’s my job to bring out her beauty in the photoshoot.

Our aim is to create beautiful, classy, and tasteful images whether it’s glamour, boudoir, or nude, just plain sexy, or even bridal boudoir photography featuring your wedding lingerie, veil, and tiara. Whatever style you choose, our work is intimate, personal, and confidential.

Here at Bohemian Visions, we offer both Boudoir and Glamour Photography for people of all types of sexes, of all shapes and sizes, at our studio or at the place of your choice it can also be at your house. Traveling out of the state to your place would attract traveling charges depending upon the distance.

What you pay at Bohemian Vision is all cost worthy. It will include your hair and makeup by professionals, changing of outfits unlimitedly, fixed hours of the photoshoot, our photographer’s guidance on how to pose so that those poses bring out the best of you, viewing of your images within some hours, a personalized location that suits you, a planned guide to your session, and various techniques like music to relax your nerves.

We have set up a luxurious studio for your better experience. Our team here takes care of all the amenities that you will need during the photo shoot.  Your relaxation is our utmost priority, the photoshoot does not begin unless the client is relaxed and is confident of the process, and has trust in our team.

Our photographers are well experienced who have gained their experiences by working on various successful projects . They bring to you the best poses that suit your personality. Our uniqueness lies in our work and the smile that you have after receiving your photographs.

We are always ready to capture your most precious moments, helping you to be proud of yourself, developing self-confidence, just being yourself, and creating a legacy for your future generations.

Take a break from your normal boring life. Celebrate with us and feel proud of yourself. Book yourself a personalized boudoir or glamour session.

Only 4% Of Women Feel This Way...And It's Extremely Heartbreaking

September 4, 2020
Bohemian Visions Photography

The decision to do a boudoir photography session is a personal one; motivated by a variety of factors. Despite its growth in popularity, Boudoir photography is a very scary concept for some people. It’s even scarier when women don’t see themselves aligned with societal standards of beauty. As a boudoir photographer, my job is to provide an experience for people that creates a safe space for them to capture their sensuality and connect with a side of themselves that is often neglected. Do I take pictures of naked people if they request them? Yes. Am I personally uncomfortable with nudity in general? No. About four percent of the female population are comfortable with their bodies. They don’t rely on the opinions of society to determine their value and worth by their external appearance. Personally, it’s a liberating feeling not being glued to a mirror picking apart every part of my body. 

Prior to becoming a Professional Photographer, I was in the Army. I was 17 years old and I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into. I wanted to get out of my hometown, explore and travel the world.  At the time I was very insecure about my own body. I would nitpick at everything I perceived to be a flaw in my body. At the time the standard of beauty was either very slim and tall or curvy with a 36/24/36 hourglass body. I was neither. I was your classic athletic coke bottle/pear shape. Nudity wasn’t a big deal but I struggled with how I perceived myself based on the world’s stereotypes of beauty and the media’s incessant depiction of it. I saw myself as overweight with big thighs and rolls on my belly. 

Only 4% Of Women Feel This Way...And It's Extremely Heartbreaking 6
Female Soldier

The day I took a shower with 50 other women was the first time I realized my flaws, and that areas of my body I didn’t like were in turn features another woman wanted. I wanted larger breasts while another woman wanted my hips and booty. Over the years my weight fluctuated and the same conversations occurred in the showers. I hate this about my body. I wish I had that body or body part. Eventually, I realized popular standards of beauty were a farce and unrealistic goals for women to achieve, in particular body composition that did not reflect good health or medical advice. What was deemed ugly or unacceptable is now coveted and women are paying money to have their bodies surgically enhanced. Realizing what I don’t like another woman is wishing she had, my insecurities died and I began to love and accept my flaws. 

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Despite gaining and losing weight and my body changing as I matured. Eventually, I learned how to love myself first. Understanding and being aware that what makes me unique overall is my ability to embrace myself and love all of me. Loving myself is my special superpower since I don’t need external validation to feel beautiful. Over time the obsession over the number on the scale became a non-factor. Whether I am a size 7 (my smallest) or a size 22 (my heaviest) I loved my body and my confidence made me feel sexy. Since leaving the Army I have been more focused on optimal mental, physical and emotional health — now is the time for me to live my best life. On my terms and by my rules.

The most heartbreaking thing I see on a regular basis since becoming a photographer is reactions from both men and women regarding their appearance. Whether it’s digital ads to attract potential clients or sharing content from my latest photoshoot I see these comments.  “I’m not pretty enough for Boudoir”, “I’m too fat,” “I’m not the standard of beauty”. These comments on my sponsored posts are all too common. No matter how many campaigns, celebrities, or influencers promote body positivity and self love, there’s an opposite entity that counters it. So many women and young girls are spending thousands of dollars on lip fillers and other plastic surgery procedures to look like their favorite celebrities and social media influencers. Women are not the only victims of poor self-image.  Men struggle with the insecurities of not having six pack abs, a defined chest, or muscular back. Men won’t consider a solo Boudoir session because it puts them face to face with insecurities regarding their bodies that money, status, and power can not hide.

Only 4% Of Women Feel This Way...And It's Extremely Heartbreaking 8

Providing a service that allows people to have a safe space to embrace the sensual side of themselves is the most rewarding aspect of my profession. Getting people to see themselves in a sensual state is a challenge that I love helping my clients overcome. However, it is a steep hill. Being in the business of promoting self love and inner strength through sensuality, I see a lot of insecurities projected unto others through social media. People tearing each other down for nothing more than just jealousy. What’s ironic is the same people behind their phones and sending ugly messages struggle with how they look. Many won’t post a full body photo of themselves online. No matter how many times I tell a person they are beautiful and amazing they don’t see it in themselves. It doesn’t matter how many likes and comments they recieve on a posted picture they can’t see it. Because they can’t see past the object of their insecurities. The never ending cycle to self loathing and hatred mixed with the desire to achieve an unrealistic beauty standard is there. 

Self love and confidence feeds your self esteem. When you love yourself you set concrete boundaries. As you value your new sense of self, you will recognize shallow, transactional relationships that deprive you of being your best. You will see and be able to separate yourself from toxic, narcissistic people who don’t care or have your best interest. Self love begets self respect: it allows you to truly live in the real world and value meaningful relationships. It gives you the strength to walk away from situations and people who don’t value you. 

For my clients who make the leap and schedule a session they almost always tell me how much they appreciate feeling like a goddes.  Having this whole new found sense of confidence and self love. It’s the most rewarding feeling to plant a seed that will allow a person to truly see themselves. 

It’s more than just a boudoir session. At day’s end, it’s about truly being free to love yourself the way you are. To remind yourself you are beautiful and sexy flaws and all. Don’t ever forget that. It’s the ability to see yourself as someone who is worthy of the world and demand it. If you want to be a part of the 4% and find that great love inside of you, reach out to set up a consultation today. 

Do you, Be you, Love you    

The Reluctant Client: How to Push Your Past Your Hesitation & Fear

photo of woman wearing gray bra
August 17, 2020
Bohemian Visions Photography

Your friend just shot a Boudoir Session with Bohemian Visions and she is raving about how amazing the experience was and how great she felt. She gives you the play by play of the entire evening. She tells you about how she was greeted by the photographer, hair, and makeup team. The location was high end and the entire experience was a fantasy that came true. She continues to gush about the experience and she can’t wait to see her completed album. A few weeks go by and her album arrives. A leather-bound cover with her name engraved in the front. Your friend is in tears because she loves her album and allows you to look. You can’t help but notice the quality of the album, thick pages, leather cover, and how amazing her photos look. Your mouth almost dropped. She is practically glowing; surprised at how amazing the photos look. You agree that she does indeed look amazing. 

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Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Your friend turns to you and says, “you look amazing and have a great body. You should do one too. You have a birthday coming up and when was the last time you were spoiled and pampered?” Looking at your friend you are thinking, “she is right.” She whips out her phone, shows you the website and assures you Bohemian Visions is the best option. The experience and moment will leave you feeling like a goddess. To ensure you didn’t forget you searched the website on your phone and bookmarked it. Later that night you comb through the entire website and social media. You later learned the photographer has a Youtube Channel and want to get to know her and the team. 

Reflecting back on your friend’s excitement and the extra pep in her step you think to yourself,  your birthday is in a couple of months and it’s been a long time since you were spoiled and pampered the way your friend described. Before you click on the consultation link and schedule an appointment you freeze. All of your insecurities come flooding in and you begin to second guess yourself. You begin questioning “Why should you do it? “Am I pretty.enough?” Fit enough?” “Sexy enough?”

Boudoir photography is very intimidating for a lot of people. Society and its standard of beauty and sexiness changes with each decade.  Changing fads drive people to extreme diets and visits to the neighborhood plastic surgeon. Social media doesn’t help the situation either.  As a woman I am not exempt from those insecurities. With wisdom and maturity I have learned to take control of how I view my body and learned to love my flaws and imperfections. 

Focused on Inclusion & Body Positivity

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Photo by Jennifer Enujiugha on Pexels.com

As a boudoir photographer, I have seen all shapes and sizes of the human form. I say human form because it doesn’t matter what you identify as because you have the unalienable right to deserve to feel your best. It’s about inclusion and acceptance. Bohemian Visions is geared towards everyday people in all sizes and shapes. Men, Women, and Couples who want to feel sensual and sexy and connect with themselves. People regardless of what they identify as who want to celebrate a milestone or want a sexy unique gift for their spouses/ partners. The majority of the clientele are women. I shoot very few male clients outside of couple sessions. Even though I tell women who are interested in a session they are beautiful and sexy just the way they are there is still reluctance and hesitation.  

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Photo by Ana Maria Moroz on Pexels.com

I will be unapologetically candid. Boudoir photography is a scary situation if you already don’t like having your photos taken. If you have major insecurities about your body a Boudoir photoshoot will be a far reach. You start zeroing in and focusing on parts of your body that you don’t like whether it’s the cellulite on your thighs, the shape of your breasts, or your abdomen — it all becomes glaringly magnified. All women including myself have an area of their body they wish would not be there. Many don’t realize some of those “flaws” are attributed to fighting gravity, an injury, or growing older. So what is causing people to be reluctant about celebrating themselves in a sensual and sexy manner?

It’s even more difficult looking for representation you can see yourself in. It’s not just women who have issues with their bodies; men do too. Many who identify as men feel they have to look a certain way or have a particular set of features in order to take semi nude to nude portraits. Then there is the reluctance in the LGBT community due to lack of representation or finding a photographer who is welcoming without being creepy, phobic, or just flat out weird. Bohemian Visions is very inclusive and believes in creating a safe space where you can both be vulnerable and at your very best. 

How do you push past your hesitation?

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Photo by Retha Ferguson on Pexels.com

So what is holding you back from crossing off a Boudoir Session from your bucket list? Is it body image? Judgment from friends and family members? Is it finding the right photographer you can trust and feel comfortable with? If it’s a body image concern, remember there is only one of you and that fact makes you unique and special. There are people who spend thousands on plastic surgery to look like someone else. That money could be saved with a good therapist. You would be surprised how many people have wanted body parts someone else has and doesn’t want. There is someone in the world spending money on a plastic surgeon for features you were born with. Focus on what you love about yourself and what areas of your body you appreciate or what parts of your body appeal to your partner if it’s a gift for them. Self-love starts with self.  Is it fear of judgment? I will put this very bluntly — fuck what anyone thinks. Live your life sweetheart. We live in a society where people find insult in a litter of newborn puppies. Their judgment of you and how you live your life is a reflection of their insecurities or personal hang-ups that seriously has nothing to do with you. 

Is it finding a photographer who you feel safe and comfortable with? Research all the potential photographers in your area. Do you want a male or female photographer? How do they feel about you bringing a friend? Before you commit to a photographer, check out their work, ask a lot of questions. I mean a lot of questions. If you don’t feel comfortable with the vibe listen to and trust your gut instincts.   

It’s absolutely ok to be nervous and excited about your photoshoot. These emotions are more common than you think. Just remember you are beautiful and sexy in your own unique way. Confidence and self esteem are the two most sensual and sexy features a person possesses. When you decide to book a session with Bohemian Visions you will have a team of professionals who are focused on having you feel like a celebrity goddess. Your album will be a reminder you can push past the fear and reluctance providing that extra boost of confidence that will make you do anything you put your heart and mind to. 

Remember you are fierce and fabulous you are unique and amazing. What ever you decide to do, make sure your heart is in it. Your happiness is all that matters.

Until next time 
Do you, Be you, Love you. 

Capturing The Moment: Secrets Of A Great Boudoir Session

July 11, 2020
Bohemian Visions Photography

Have you ever ordered something and when you got to the bottom of the package you found an extra surprise? A liquor cordial. An extra dollar bill. Even an additional chicken nugget for your five-piece order. Do you remember how good that felt? Whether it was the icing on the cake of a fabulous day or a moment of serenity in life’s storm, it likely released endorphins within our bodies that left us feeling wonderful.  Sometimes, experiences like these that bring a rush of positive energy are far few and in between. Imagine a day spent listening to your favorite songs while getting your hair and makeup done, or your outfit prepped for as you walk into a location that fits your theme or fantasy. 

Now imagine feeling your best while being cheered on for looking amazing. And at the end of that day, you look in a mirror or at a photo and see yourself for the first time. A side of you that probably has been hidden for a while. How would you feel if you had that extra boost of confidence or pizzazz? How would your relationships, career, and self-esteem change knowing you are on top of your game. This is how Bohemian Visions creates the endorphin rush and experience that will be the beginning of a new and more confident you. 

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Shooting a Boudoir session is capturing a person at their best in their most vulnerable state.  Clients decide they want to book a session for a wide variety of reasons. But they all have one thing in common: they want to connect with the most intimate, sensual side of themselves.  

As a photographer, I am focused on creating a themed setting that reflects the client in their primal, authentic self. I like to incorporate elements of their style and personality into the session. Every detail is important. The music, location, and setting they must tell a story that showcases the client and conveys a certain vibe or message. It’s about igniting and awakening a side of you that’s been repressed.

Prior to a session, there is a great deal of research conducted. It is a collaborative effort with the client to ensure their session is the best experience they ever had. The devil is in the details and I am a stickler for it. Every aspect of their session is designed to be about them and for them. To truly see themselves. It’s all about the total experience.  

On the day of the session, the client is welcomed with five star amenities. It’s about incorporating all of their senses into the session to create the ultimate experience. Oftentimes they are nervous and excited and they can’t believe it’s happening. I focus on making sure they are comfortable and having a great time. I like to play music and crack jokes; the Glam Team and I use the prep time to make you the client feel like a celebrity.  

Each client session is unique and each client has a special story about them. With every session, I love shooting the eyes and the various expressions they show. What naughty secret they haven’t told? Who is the object of their desire? I love capturing the sensuality of a person; especially as the eyes communicate the yearnings of the soul.

Every frame I photograph for a subject or a client I want to be worthy of being framed on the wall. 

If you are looking for a natural rush like this that sustains good feeling and promotes a positive self-image, let’s do a complimentary consultation and see how I can create the best photoshoot session for you. My team and I look forward to helping you forge an incredible memory that makes you feel amazing all over. 

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life 

Male Boudoir: Men You Deserve to Feel Sexy and be Naked Too.

May 21, 2020
Bohemian Visions Photography

Every man should experience a male boudoir session. Imagine spending a year working on improving your self-care regimen, fitness, and overall well being. Training for a marathon, preparing for a new position at work with increased visibility and responsibility. You are feeling and looking your best in decades. Friends and family commenting on how good you look. Your walk has a little extra pep in your step. Your newfound physical, mental, and emotional changes are spilling over to all aspects of your personal and professional life. Even your spouse is seeing a difference in “performance.” So how do you celebrate this new sense of self? You truly deserve to treat yourself to something special or even a gift to the spouse to celebrate this new phase in your life. Something to look back on and truly be proud of.   

Boudoir Photography is often associated with women. They do it for themselves or a gift to their spouse.  Boudoir photographers promote self-love, empowerment, and self-discovery. It’s more than just taking pictures. It is a way of seeing your true self in an intimate way. In a society where everyone is subjected to the pressures of an unrealistic beauty standard. Embracing your flaws and imperfections is hard. While the standard of beauty has been primarily geared towards women, we often forget to ask, “What about the men?”

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Men deserve to have a moment to feel sexy and appreciated without the pressure society places on their shoulders. Contrary to what society portrays, men are body conscious as well. When discussing the idea to a man who isn’t a model, the number of reasons to not do it was quite surprising. Ranging from body consciousness to needing to lose weight. 

Many are insecure about their frame, shape, and weight. Personally, I don’t blame them. Society says in order to be deemed attractive men are required to have chiseled abs, a defined chest, and a toned body.  What about the men who don’t possess those physical attributes? Are they deemed worthy? Jokes about the soft “Dad Bod” are made toward male celebrities who have gained weight. It is referenced to poke fun at their diminished physique. But what about the everyday dad or husband who doesn’t have the physical features society via the mainstream media deemed sexy and alluring; the so-called “Dad Bod”? 

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The pressure to perform at a high caliber can be for most mentally exhausting and crushing. The workplace, at home, in bed. When was the last time you really felt appreciated in a safe space? To be yourself stripped down of the titles and roles? Where does a man go to feel appreciated, spoiled, and pampered even for a day, without the pressure and stress of performing? Not required to make decisions, fix problems, or lead? While many defaults to the status quo to escape the nuances of societal pressures, are you free to be your true self?

Men participating in a Boudoir photoshoot isn’t exclusive to just young aspiring models, fitness models, or underwear campaigns. Like women it’s about discovering who you are stripped down of roles and titles coming face to face. It’s seeing yourself at your best in a safe vulnerable space. While sports and exercise are a good form of self-care, there is a certain level of competition to perform.

Like women, the amount of skin shown is all dictated by the client. From t-shirt and boxers to just full-on nudity is all the comfort of the client. A Boudoir session is not pornography. Many photographers to include me have limitations on what will be photographed. Anything that borders on pornography is an absolute no. Safety is another concern. In the age of the #MeToo era, total professionalism is important to avoid any uncomfortable situations that can lead to any legal issues. Avoid being a creep. Nudity is no more uncomfortable for men than women. The difference is men don’t publicly advertise it as frequently as women. Unlike women who can share their insecurities. Men don’t.    

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Men like women deserve a space to see themselves in their authentic form. Feeling pampered and spoiled. To celebrate milestones and overcoming struggles and obstacles that may have had crushing effects. Purchasing a Boudoir session for yourself or a loved one is a personal and unique gift to celebrate a special milestone. Let’s end the notion that Boudoir is not only for women it’s for everyone to feel comfortable in their own skin.   

So if the idea of investing in yourself while being pampered and spoiled crosses your mind, let’s have a conversation. Don’t be the person who ends up regretting an opportunity to celebrate an important milestone. Check out some male boudoir sessions here. Come schedule a consultation and let’s have a conversation to create a day special and unique for you. Looking forward to having a conversation. 

Do You, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life     

Salute to the all the M.I.L.Fs in the World

May 10, 2020
Bohemian Life

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Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing MILFs in the world. After 17 years of motherhood it is still surreal I brought a human into the world. I will be completely honest. I struggled with motherhood for the first ten years. My relationship with the kid is that of openness and honesty no matter how difficult the topic it may be. I don’t sugar coat anything with him. If the topic wasn’t appropriate for his age I told him and of course, we circled back when it was appropriate and we talked about it. It didn’t matter the topic, it was about giving my son the best information possible so he can make the best decisions for himself. 

Anyone who knows me well, knows I am not motherly at all. I don’t care for motherhood, it is not my identity. I actually don’t like kids. I’m impervious to cute babies. My uterus never screamed for more. My pregnancy and delivery was very traumatic. So much that it almost cost me my life and that was enough to say, “I am done; fuck this shit.” I spent 1o days in the hospital, my son was four weeks premature and I had no support system to hold my hand. I gave birth alone. My first day home with a newborn the size of a football swaddled, I stood in my living room and just cried. After giving birth I struggled with postpartum depression. My emotions were so high I thought I was going crazy. 

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I will be honest I was terrified. I wasn’t in love, I wasn’t excited, I was utterly terrified. I am looking at this sweet baby thinking am I worthy of providing for this child, to give him everything he needs? It was the first time I went and got professional help to manage my depression and anger. 14 years later on a road trip my son asked me the most poignant question of my life. “Mom, did you ever want me?” Without hesitation I responded with “yes, because I had options.” He knew what I meant. He was mine and I wanted him, even when it was extremely hard and I would cry nonstop on those rough days, I wanted him. His nonverbal response was a sign of relief, no matter how much he made me mad or disappointed me, he knew I loved him no matter what. 

Being pregnant and recovering from postpartum depression took a lot of me. So much I didn’t mentally have the space to have another child. As a mom, society has this unrealistic standard of perfection. Your world now belongs to your child. Sexuality, feeling sexy, being sexual is dead. Carving out a piece of something that is just yours would be deemed selfish. Even having a career was deemed selfish by some extreme moms. The battle between working moms and stay at home moms was one I was thrown into. 

Single moms versus married moms was another battle. What does my marital status have to do with my ability to be a good parent and provider to my child? I don’t know; I felt like I was battling everyone.

It’s OK to be flawed 

Worrying about what people think about your style of parenting is exhausting. Here’s a tip, fuck what they think. It is ok to be flawed. You need to understand whether you are a working mom, stay at home mom, married mom, single mom you are not perfect. It doesn’t matter how you gave birth whether naturally, by C-Section, adoption, or surrogate; fuck what these cornball ass people with no lives have to say, it’s your life. Do you boo. There is no definitive handbook on how to be a good mother. As long as your child is safe and loved, cared, and protected you are doing a good job. 

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Everyone has an opinion on someone else’s life. Social media doesn’t make it any better. Sometimes I shake my head at the notion I am so glad social media didn’t exist when the Kid was born. Some of these Mommy Groups are the worst. Instead of giving a space to be vulnerable they will try to tear you down. It is ok to feel out of place. It is ok to not fall immediately in love with your child. As I mentioned earlier I cried in fear when I saw my son for the first time. It’s ok to feel like you don’t know what you are doing. Take a breath and ask yourself, is there someone you can turn to, who will not judge you and you trust? If you don’t have a person, then  go to therapy. Therapy is awesome and is a safe space where you can unload and the counselor will let you because by law they can’t disclose it, unless it jeopardizes your safety or another’s safety. You can vomit your secrets, receive objective counsel, and feel better. Personally I am a huge advocate for seeking therapy and or counseling. Mental Health is vital to self care. Burnout is real and it is not good for your or your little humans you care for. 

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Give yourself space for yourself

During my therapy sessions, I learned I struggled with balance. I was trying to be everything, a career woman, a great mom, and a college student. I was fulfilling every role. However, it didn’t leave space for me. Get a sitter and go be alone. Create a space where it is just for you and only you. You determine the frequency there is no right or wrong. Have a space where it’s only for you. It can be a spa day, a date with your partner, out with friends. Have a rule that you can follow. My safe space was going for a run, I was alone with my thoughts and it was mine for one hour. When I could afford it I went to the spa. Get the notion out of your head that having something for yourself is selfish. You are not being selfish, you are incorporating self-care into your life. You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of your child/children. If you are a single mom, you have the right to go out and have some fun with your single friends. Don’t ever let someone make you feel guilty. 

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Being Sexy or Sexual is not a Sin

When the term MILF first began a known thing on the movie American Pie I thought it was so cool. I loved it. Give yourself permission to be this sexual vixen. It doesn’t matter your marital status. Shit how else did your kid(s) get here. All over social media I see other women shame young moms for being in tune with their sexuality. People have this messed up view on sex and will push their own insecurity on to you. There is nothing wrong with creating a space for you to have a healthy sexual appetite. If you want to post a selfie in something sexy give yourself the space to do it. Don’t let anyone shame you just because you are a mom. How else your Kid(s) came into the world? 

Your sex life is your business and yours alone. It is no one else’s business. Human beings are sexual beings. There is no point denying yourself the pleasures just because mom is a new role in your life. You are human, give yourself the space to be human. 

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Conclusion

Motherhood is hard it exposes the flaws and insecurities of being a woman and that is ok. No one is perfect despite what folks on social media portray themselves to be. Whatever your life choices are and the path you took to be a mom, it is not an easy road. Don’t compare yourself its the worse thing. No matter what, there are little humans who think you are the greatest thing in the world. They love you no matter how flawed you are. Your imperfections make you perfect. You don’t need a day to remind you how awesome and amazing you are. So remember, you are sexy, amazing, loving, and fierce. You are a MILF and never forget that. Enjoy your moment.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life 

Igniting Your Self-Worth With An Amazing Boudoir Photoshoot

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March 11, 2020
Bohemian Visions Photography

Many people don’t know that Boudoir is French defined as a woman’s private sitting room or bedroom. Some people recognize Boudoir as a genre of photography that is sensual or sexual. Others see it as nude photography. The majority of the time it is taken of women but men and couples participate as well. Despite this style of photography have been around for 100 years. Many don’t know what it is. When I tell people what type of photography I shoot I still get asked what it is. The most simplified answer I give is intimate portrait photography in various stages of undress. It ranges from T-shirt and shorts or fully nude. It’s all about the client(s) level of comfort.

Photo by Yohann LIBOT on Unsplash

As a  Professional Boudoir Photographer, I will tell you its more than just taking pictures. It’s about connecting or reconnecting with yourself on an intimate level. Boudoir photography isn’t without its own set of challenges. Some people feel its just a way for pervert photographers to see women naked. A means to kidnap women or force women into sex trafficking. I would be lying if that wasn’t the case. A small number of men with cameras who claim to be photographers have done it and the risk is there. Like other scams as a potential client do your thorough research. Be diligent in asking all questions. 

Once you decide you want to do a Boudoir photoshoot, research the photographer. Do they have a website outside of social media? Are there customer testimonials and reviews like Google, Youtube, Yelp, or Bing? What type of women is in their gallery/portfolio “models” or “regular” everyday women? Are you comfortable having a man or a woman photographer? What type of services, packages are offered? Most important can you bring a friend? As a photographer, I would caution hiring a photographer that refuses to have a friend or partner come to your session. Especially if the location in their home. If you are not comfortable with this policy do speak up. This is your session don’t allow anyone to make you feel uncomfortable. 

So you have selected your photographer, schedule your consultation, and now anxiety, fear, self-consciousness, excitement is all going through your mind. I will tell you those feelings are completely normal. You are not alone. During your consultation ask all the questions, you can think of. Trust me these are nothing new many times some questions are so common they are located in the FAQ on the website. 

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Ask yourself do you feel comfortable with the photographer during the initial conversation? Are you comfortable with them photographing you in the most flattering way? Do you feel comfortable having a stranger take pictures of you in lingerie or less? Trust your gut if there is a lemon poppy seed of doubt move on. There are plenty of other photographers. Are they experienced in photographing women of all sizes? Are their services inside of your price range? If the answer is yes and you are ready its time to make the leap. You pay your deposit and schedule your photoshoot. 

You go home and look in the mirror and now fear and anxiety start to go into overdrive. Every scar, stretchmark, and imperfections seem to magnify. Insecurity begins to take over. STOP!!!!! Breathe!!! Take a deep breath. There is no such thing as perfection. Refocus on why you wanted to do this. Remember what it was that gave you the idea to do this.  Your deposit is paid you are all in. You are beautiful your partner tells you this already. You get compliments from strangers. You are amazing, your Kid(s) show you this. Remember every commercial photo of celebrities and influencers is photoshopped. This includes social media posts. It’s layered with filters and Facetune modifications. Many of them go under the knife to look like each other. You are a special gem. 

It’s the day of your session you are nervous and that is perfectly ok. Those feelings are very normal. Your hair looks amazing, your makeup is beautiful. Your outfit is selected. Your photographer will ensure you are comfortable and will take a few frames to check the lighting and composition. You will be guided and assisted. Soon your session is over. You have seen your photos and you are in love. You didn’t think you could look so beautiful. You didn’t think you can be seen as sexy. Yet you are. When I do a reveal with my clients I show them the unedited photos to reassure them of their beauty. Editing should only focus on color correction and enhancements. Any major changes to the client’s body completely defeat the purpose of body positivity. 

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Your so call imperfections is what makes you uniquely you. You don’t need to lose any more weight. Your photographer is a professional and will listen to your concerns. They will shoot you in the most flattering way and make you feel amazing and comfortable. Your fears and concerns will go away halfway through your session. The positive affirmations and previews of your photos will give you the confidence to allow you to push those insecurities away. 

Your Boudoir album should serve as a reminder you are beautiful and sexy. You are brave and bold. You are feeling a sense of confidence and accomplishment because you finally overcame a fear or insecurity. When overcoming a fear or sense of doubt it gives you the courage to overcome anything. What started off as a “scary” photoshoot has now become a tool of empowerment. Your pictures serve as a reminder that you are worthy, courageous, and strong. 

While many critics will try to make you feel bad or ashamed for doing a Boudoir Session don’t give them that power. Don’t let anyone try to diminish your self worth and value. Don’t let their insecurity of themself make you feel any less. Their insecurities projected on to you has more to do with them and less to do with the decisions you make about your body and choice to do what makes you happy in your life. Don’t let their insecurities steal your joy. 

A Boudoir photoshoot will bring you face to face with the stripped-down version of yourself. It is a moment where it is about you and only you. Then you begin to realize the newfound sense of power. The power of knowing your worth and value. The power of feeling proud of your self-love and empowerment. You will no longer be a bill payer to someone else’s insecurities.  You are worthy. Look in the mirror and tell yourself this. As uncomfortable this may seem to try it. You are beautiful. You are more. The more you tell yourself this the more you begin to believe it the more you will embody this.   

Knowing your value and worth will open up so many opportunities that fear would typically restrict you from doing. So if you are considering adding a Boudoir photoshoot to your bucket list it will be an exciting and scary experience and so worth the investment. It is never too late to invest in your self.

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Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

Bohemian Diva’s 10 Tips to Not Giving a F*!K

February 19, 2020
Bohemian Life

As people, parents, and every other title and role given we are tugged and pulled in fifty million different directions. For a lot of women and caregivers, it’s hard to say no to the ones we love. Then you wake up one day a shell of your former self. You no longer recognize the person in the mirror. You wonder what happened to yourself. 

Take take take it seems that’s all everyone does. Just take because you are a good person, take because you can’t say no. Take because you are reliable and dependable because you are strong and resilient. Then a wave of emotions coming flooding. Those feelings can range from drowning, suffocating, falling in a hole you can’t see to climb out of. 

So one day a significant event or multiple events happen relationships fail, severe health scare happens, a loss of someone important or relevant. These events serve a wake-up call a kick to the groin.  So you wake up and give the proverbial fuck it. You can’t continue this path anymore it is eating you. From the inside out.  

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You realize your energy/chi needs to be replenished. You need to cut a lot of dead and useless weight out of your life and reevaluate your relationships. Time to examine what truly matters in your life. Self-care and mental health become is now a priority. Like your checking account or gas tank, your mental and emotional energy can be overdrawn and drained empty. 

So you want to make some major changes in your life. Don’t quite know where to start.  Here are some tips and tricks to implement that will allow you to do no longer waste your precious time and energy of people and things that do not bring added value to your life. This isn’t the holy grail or definitive rule book. It’s a guide to get you started in taking care of yourself.  Protect your personal space. This isn’t an end-all solution but it’s a start. As you get better you will develop your personal rules and guides.  

1. Identify the Imbalance

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Feeling a little off? Things don’t feel quite right? Your gut and intuition are right. Are you having a hard time getting out of bed? Are you constantly tired despite sleeping hours throughout the night and middle of the day? Recognizing what’s off your body is the beginning. What is off with you mentally? If getting out of bed is a struggle, your mood isn’t vibing with the situation then it’s time to get that addressed. If you are sleeping too much and you are still tired go get help. Go see a mental health specialist. Don’t self diagnose go to a professional. Don’t let someone dismiss, or diminish your feelings. Go get help it will not fix itself. Your body needs balance. Proper diet, sleep, exercise and energy. Achieving balance in an overworked society is difficult but it can be done. If you know something is not right, address it. It will not go away on its own.

2. Who are you What  is your Personal Philosophy 

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You can’t give a fuck if you don’t know who you are. Strip away the titles, roles, positions and ask yourself who are you? What makes you who you are. Being a mother, wife, or insert job title people tend to revolve around their sense of identity. But what happens if your identity is revolved around being a wife and you get divorced or when your children become adults and no longer need you? Often times people confuse purpose with roles. Your core values should be your philosophy. Your personal philosophy is what gives you purpose and meaning in life. Regardless of what people will say those roles and positions should not define who you are. They should be an extension of who you are. If you were once a spouse and the marriage is over it should not uproot your core foundation of who you are. 

2. Set Boundaries & Enforce It

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You finally got the help you need and your counselor/doctor has created a treatment plan. You want to protect your peace and not regress in your treatment. Establish and set some boundaries. Are you or someone you know have a hard time saying no? How many times has someone asked you for a favor and despite politely telling them you don’t have time or resources? Then you are pressured to do the favor? The friend, coworker, or relative can clearly see that favor they are asking comes at an inconvenience yet they will ask anyway. How many times your boss or co-worker hit you with a last-minute project resulting in you canceling your plans to work late? When you set those boundaries and people still want to cross it is now a respect problem. Crossing boundaries is a clear sign that the person does not respect you. It’s not about you not being able to say no. It’s people not respecting you.

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Guess what, that lack of regard for your time and resources is a clear sign you are not respected. That treatment of you is because they know they can get away with it. How folks treat you is based on what you allow. The next time you find yourself in a situation where saying no is difficult ask yourself is this person doing it because they don’t respect you? You will be surprised how this shift in thought will change you approach.

3. Just Ask & Be Direct  

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Do you remember the old saying “a closed mouth doesn’t get fed”? Well, it’s still true. Passive and passive-aggressive folks will talk in circles to get to the answers they need. Or won’t bother to ask the direct question.  Many times people are afraid of asking for what they want due to various fears. This is apparent in the workplace. Rejection is a part of life. Avoiding it only makes it that much difficult. Honestly the more you accept rejection the more resilient and equipped you are in handling it. The easier it is to let it go. Don’t be afraid of asking for what you want. The worse thing that can happen is being told no. The best thing that can happen is getting the answer you seek without guessing or assuming. This avoids a lot of misunderstandings and assumptions. Don’t assume just ask, it will avoid a lot of future embarrassment. It gets easier each time and the more you let go of the fear the more confident you become. What do you have to lose just ask and be upfront about it? Don’t talk in circles.  

4. Put Energy Into Only Things That Only Matter

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Everything does not deserve your attention, your time and energy. Contrary time is very limited regardless of who you are. There are only 24 hours in a day.  Not giving a fuck about what people think begins with not giving a fuck about what people do. If it doesn’t affect you directly or indirectly don’t put energy in it. Folks will post things on the internet that will trigger you. Before you get your blood pressure spiking to ask yourself, “how does this affect me directly in the real world?” Everyone knows society is hypersensitive about everything. Someone is going to get triggered over a newborn baby. Minding your business is the best stress reliever ever. The life choices of a random stranger do not deserve your energy. Even the life choices of the people you care for weigh it carefully on whether you should get involved. The media does a very good job of inciting fear and divisive rhetoric. When you find yourself getting overwhelmed with negative news unplug. Just unplug and consume positive information. This takes time and discipline. A little phase I use to say when people try to bring me into their drama. “Not My Monkey, Not My Circus.” Pick and choose your battles. Not all battles are meant to be fought. 

5. Don’t Worry About What They Think

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When people start to become uncomfortable with your growth it’s time to reevaluate your association with them. Like a first-time parent folk will give you all sorts of unsolicited advice. If you spend your time trying to please everyone you will find yourself miserable. Dismissing random strangers that’s easy. When you are dealing with family and friends who are not listening to your needs, dreams, or desires there is a problem. People think they know what’s best for you, but do they? First, don’t share details about your life if you know it will be subject to negative opinions. If you do ultimately you have a final say. A way to determine if the opinion is value-added. Does the person have a vested interest in your success or failures? Do they have skin in the game? If the answer is no they fuck what they think. 

6. Cut Off One-sided relationships 

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One-sided relationships are another form of toxic relationships. Your needs, concerns, and overall wellbeing are ignored. These types of relationships are not limited to just intimate partners. It’s pretty obvious when a relationship is one-sided.  That friend/loved one is only around when they want something but when you need them to come through for you they are nowhere to be found. If they can’t be there for your losses and failures they don’t need to be there for your wins.  

7. Don’t Make Excuses for Your Actions Just Own It. 

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You are human you will make mistakes. Time is continuous and will not reverse itself. So with that being said own the effects of your actions. It happened so move on and say fuck it. Own your actions and don’t make any excuses for it. Remember it happened and you can’t go back to change it. You are going to make mistakes, you are going to fail. You will get knocked down. Get up, learn, and grow. You will make decisions that will not be a popular choice stand by it. If it is a mistake learn from it. Don’t make excuses live it with and grow. You are only human don’t try to be perfect. Own your shit.  

8. Love Yourself 

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As simple this maybe it’s hard to do. No matter what tell yourself you are worthy. Tell yourself no matter what another person may say to you. You deserve better. Too many times we give people power over our value and self-worth. Toxic kand abusive relationships will beat a person down mentally and emotionally. Loving yourself allows you to recognize those toxic traits. It gives you the strength to say you are worthy and deserve so much better. There are about 5 billion people on this earth don’t let one person deny you the right to be loved and respected. Don’t make excuses for their behavior and don’t apologize for their lack of respect towards you. You are deserving of love and respect but it starts with you first. 

Conclusion

Not giving a fuck is about protecting your peace and reinforcing self-care. It takes time to have the courage to stand up for yourself. There are plenty of self-care apps, and books that will assist in finding meaning and self-worth. This is not an overnight process it will take time and discipline. The question is when will you begin to realize your value and worth? Only you will know.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life 

Inspiration and Self-Reflection from Getting my Ears Pierced

December 31, 2019
Bohemian Life

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”
~ Helen Keller

So…I got my ears pierced more like I got five sets of piercings done at the same time, nine in total. It’s been something I wanted to do it for years. I couldn’t do it due to various reasons ranging from the strict uniform policy of my old job to not having the time to get it done and letting my ears heal before taking the piercings out.

When I decided to change careers and pursue another career in Art Media, I figured hell why not. The funny thing was I kept putting it off for years. Despite researching the best place in the city to get my ears pierced, I was nervous. Even as I drove to the tattoo shop, I was looking for every reason not to do it. I pushed through, as I parked my truck, walked into the shop. Deep down, I wanted to back out, turn around and go home.

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I was directed to the piercing side of the shop. I spoke to a young lady at the counter on what I wanted. I pulled out my Pinterest collection picked out which series of piercings and showed her what I wanted. She explained the size of the needle used and the type of stud installed. She explained to me the steel ball-bearing was a better option and aided in quicker healing.

The whole time I am thinking what in the world am I doing. I can’t believe this is happening. Once I selected the kind of piercings, I paid, and I moved to the back. From then I took a seat on a table, and there I was doing it. My pulse began to race, and my body began to sweat. Yep, this is actually happening I am getting my ears pierced.

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While my body was going into flight or fight mode, I was quite impressed at how clean, inviting, and modern the establishment is. The Artist doing my piercings a total sweetheart. Super professional he explained the entire process to me. I continued to remain calm despite my increased breathing and heart rate. Never mind my armpits were uncomfortably sweaty.

It was 20 years since my last piercing, so a lot had changed. On the count of three, I felt the pressure than the sting of the needle than it was over. He complimented me on how well I handled the procedure. He eased my anxiety. I just took a deep breath and exhaled through the pain. The cartilage and tragus were the most painful. I had to do it nine individual times. “What am I doing!?” I thought to myself as he pushed the needle through the thick cartilage and flesh again and again.

There was no turning back. The lobes were the least painful. It made me think about folks on social media freaking out over babies getting their ears pierced. Like chill out, it doesn’t even hurt that much. It felt like a bee sting for a few seconds. A child that young wouldn’t even mess with it. Since they don’t mess with it doesn’t get infected compared to older folks. But I digress.

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He gave me a bottle of saline spray told me to clean my piercings three times a day and return in two months to swap of the silver ball bearings for cute diamond studs.

I left the shop thinking, Oh My Gawd, what have I done. I sat in my truck looked in the mirror and realized I did it. I finally did it. I pierced my ears. After all this time of putting it off, I finally did it. A lot of fear and doubt started to make a way to the surface, but it was snuffed out. I finally overcame them.

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I have this terrible habit of putting off things. I tell myself when I wanted to do something it will be later than later turns into years. There is so much I’ve put off due to various reasons. Two weeks since I pierced my ears thinking back on the decision is was the best thing that’s happened to me. I finally made the leap and jumped. It changed my focus and approach to how I take on goals and tasks. It’s given me this sense of liberation and clarity. I’m constantly speaking about living my authentic and best life. Getting my ears pierced has taught me there is no good time to do anything. To stop putting off things, no matter how small. If it’s on your mind and heart nonstop just do it. Go for it and jump. It doesn’t matter if it’s going to back to school, pursuing a dream, or cutting your hair there will never be the right time to do anything. Just take a breath and leap.

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My piercings represented so much more. It’s about pushing past the fear and anxiety of going into the unknown. It’s scary taking on new challenges, new adventures, new chapters in one’s life. It’s motivated me to take risks and chances on anything my mind is set on. Get out of your comfort zone and live. Create moments, whether it’s a success or failure. It’s your moment and yours to revel and reflect on. So if there is something you want to do and been putting it off. Stop waiting for the right time and do it. Don’t spend your life letting it pass by and regretting the things you wished you could for should have done. That’s what I am learning. Life is about taking chances and going for it.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

Chickens don't Soar with Eagles, so Why are you listening to a Chicken?

December 31, 2019
Bohemian Thoughts

“As you become more clear about who you really are, you’ll be better able to decide what is best for you – the first time around.” ~Oprah


You wake up and realize you need to make a significant change in your life. You begin to weigh your options, the pros, and cons. You speak with people close to you, to gain, some sort of sanity check. There is a sense of fear, doubt, uncertainty to even make this change. You will either push through the discomfort of being afraid, or you will be thrust into it without your conscious choice.

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You decided to take a leap of faith and doing something out of the ordinary, you will be faced with people on the sidelines telling you, you can’t do something, it’s not what the “market” wants. Whether it’s starting a business, changing careers, or rediscovering yourself, there’s always a flip side of the supported coin. It messes with your head, it rattles your confidence to the point you begin to question is this the right choice and decision. Are you making the right decision? People close to you may mean well but will try to discourage you from taking risks. It’s incredibly frustrating because they are supposed to support you actively, but they are doing it from a hands-off passive approach, or a discouraging doubtful approach.

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The status quo is a mental chain that keeps you in line with the exceptions of what everyone else is doing like sheep in a heard. It’s fear and doubt of others that hold you back from achieving and maximizing your maximum potential. The status quo says you can’t do this or that when your heart and passion says otherwise. The struggle and difficulties will always be there, it’s the mental mountain you have to traverse to get to the top and succeed. Many already know the climb gets steeper and harder as you get closer to the top or plainly put your goal.

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Surrounding yourself with like-minded people who can relate to the struggle and difficulties of accomplishing your goals. They understand the frustrations that come with taking risks. Having the right people to support you in your cause, and talk you off the ledge that’s called doubt helps a great deal. You have to have a strong sense of self, self-worth, and self-value. Having faith in yourself in accomplishing what you set your mind to will give to the strength when it gets hard. You will feel like quitting, you will want to cry and scream, and you may feel alone. Don’t you are not alone in your journey. Just know if it were easy everyone would be living their best life and their dreams a reality. Chickens don’t soar with Eagles.

Chickens don't Soar with Eagles, so Why are you listening to a Chicken? 23


Do you, Be you, Love you.
Bohemian Life

Sometimes You Have to Lose Yourself to Find Yourself

December 31, 2019
Bohemian Thoughts

The path to enlightenment is often a difficult journey. Now, this is not some mumbo jumbo religious write up. Oh no, This is a little story on how I lost myself to gain everything.

Since undergrad, I have always had an appreciation for Eastern Spiritual Practices and Philosophies. The irony is I am not even religious, and I don’t go to church. The teachings embody all aspects of being human, living in this world. After I was introduced to the teachings of Buddha, I felt a strong connection. Here’s a super quick synopsis of who Buddha was. He was a young prince who lived a life of hedonism. One day he ventured out of the castle and saw a world of suffering then became ascetic. After realizing both extremes brought known happiness, he realized it was about finding balance. Even though this is an oversimplified explanation of who Buddha was. With this, I learned it’s about balancing the two. To know when to enjoy the pleasures of life and when to refrain.

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Its been a few years since I graduated from college. I went on had a successful career, got married, and lived the typical suburban life. Over the years, I have discovered some of the most beautiful depictions and representations of Buddha’s teachings. This new sense of Balance and Inner peace came flooding in realizing I have lost my way in some manner. When the body and nature are not in balance with the universe, it feels off.

Consumed with the everyday stress of adult responsibilities and challenges, it seems I have steered off the path of total balance and inner peace. I fell into a depression, suffered external and internal pain, ultimately became consumed with extreme forms of passion, pain, ambition, and success. Chasing after that next high that brought happiness. I was wrapped up in the superficial constructs of everyday life. I stopped practicing yoga and meditation. I stopped focusing on my center of gravity and inner peace, only focusing on instant gratification that had no real value or meaning.

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Being calm and even-keeled is difficult. Balance is an art as well as science. I have had to learn how to listen, observe more, slow to anger, being patient, and calm. Knowing when to realize that love and passion can cloud one’s judgment and ability to see the truth.

I’ve also had to distance myself from anything and anyone who brought toxic energy. This included relatives. Protecting my personal space and time is vital for my overall holistic health. The truth will always find a way to project oneself through darkness or even white smoke.

The mind cannot be independent of the Body and Spirit. To know oneself is to know who they really are and what purpose they serve. Live in the truth and embrace it. I have become very comfortable living my authentic self.

I want to share a passage I found online:

…”A person who knows their True Self does not let things of this world bother them. For they do not take their role in life too serious, compared to those, who are ego-driven. They understand that life is a spectrum. For nobody can have it all good life and expect nothing wrong to happen to themselves, for this is not how the forces of the universe work. So a person who shows no resentment and anger is a person who knows that they are ‘IT.’ The whole cosmos, which includes the entire spectrum, thus making them a wise and divine BEing.”

But to deal with anger and emotions, which only creates inner suffering, One must first ‘remember’ who they really are. All anger and resentment come from the feeling of being disrespected or from unfulfilled desires. These are all functions of the ego defending its own existence. This isn’t so in our daily lives?

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So someone who transcends their ego into true authentic being. One who leads with the heart instead of the mind, such as the Dalai Lama, Buddha, and Jesus Christ. They exhibit more compassion, for their ego does not dominate their existence. The main thing is exposing the ego for what IT really is, an illusion of control.

Once we can see beyond that illusion, the things that use to bother us do not have that same power over you. Thus making us a spirit that IS wise, divine, and FREE to become anything one wants to BE!

Basically, it states don’t be so quick to be impulsive when dealing with the difficulties of life. Do not be confined by your ego and pride.

And this is what I strive to be free of illusion like Dr. Mahattan, but with more compassion and heart following the mind. Achieving this takes time and patience. I am still a work in progress. Some people intentionally try to get under my skin because they are miserable in their own lives. That is none of my business.

It’s taken me some time to learn how to control my emotions. I still have my blow-ups, but I am only human. The path to complete physical and spiritual enlightenment is a journey. Releasing that burden has allowed me to leave toxic relationships, and know my value and worth. It’s taught me how to love and respect myself. It also freed me from the restrictions of someone else’s expectations and standards. Their insecurities have nothing to do with my overall happiness.

I hope this will inspire you to let go of the emotional burden you may carry mand free yourself. It’s a continuous work in progress.

Do You, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

Going Against the Status Quo

December 30, 2019
Bohemian Thoughts

“As you become more clear about who you really are, you’ll be better able to decide what is best for you – the first time around.”  ~Oprah 

Think about the last time someone told you couldn’t do something or criticized a decision you made for yourself that had nothing to do with them. Yes, it is quite annoying. Many have said never talk about Politics and Religion because emotions can get very heated. Let’s add Parenting to the category, mainly Parents of children ages five and below.

Watching women on social media bash and criticized new mothers on everything from piercing their baby’s ears, breasting feeding, formula feeding, tummy time. Dear Gawd, these women are vicious on how they attack a new mom online regarding the choices they make regarding their child. One would think the new mom was committing a terrible crime. Lord forbid if the new mom is young and a celebrity it’s another layer of criticism. This is just an example of how someone can be rudely intrusive when it comes to the decisions you make for yourself and your family and it has nothing to do with them.

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Starting a new business or making a major life change is almost like being a new mom. Stress and anxieties are similar. Deciding to take a leap of faith turns a hustle or a dream into a business. In some situations, you are doing something out of the ordinary. You will be faced with people on the sidelines telling you, you can’t do something, it’s not what the “market” wants. 

Whatever it is you decide to do, starting a business, changing careers, or rediscovering yourself, there’s always a flip side of the support coin.  It messes with your head, it rattles your confidence, you begin to question is this the right choice and decision. Are you making the right decision? People close to you may mean well but will try to discourage you from taking risks. It’s incredibly frustrating because they are supposed to support you actively, but they are doing it from a hands-off passive approach, or a discouraging doubtful approach. 

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When making a significant change in your life, the first thing you must do is shake off any external doubts thrown your way. If you are already hard on yourself, don’t let others get into your head. You have to push passed the “Haters” and Naysayers.” If you don’t, the proverbial mind-fuck will happen. Deep down, something told you, you needed to do this. The reality is when you are going on a journey to self-improvement and change, you will lose friends and in some cases, family. People don’t like change. 

Here is my favorite quote from Grey’s Anatomy regarding change:

“Change. We don’t like it. We fear it, but we can’t stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind. It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying, but here’s the truth. Sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is everything.

When deciding to take the path less traveled, ask yourself, are you doing it for you are someone else’s happiness? This is something for you to answer for yourself.  

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The status quo is a mental chain that keeps you in line with the expectations of what everyone else is doing like sheep in a heard. It’s the fear and doubt of others that hold you back from achieving and maximizing your maximum potential. The status quo says you can’t do this or that when your heart and passion says otherwise. The struggle and difficulties will always be there, it’s the mental mountain you have to traverse to get to the top and succeed. Many already know the climb gets steeper and harder as you get closer to the top or plainly put your reaching your goal.

I use to work in a job that acknowledged the treatment and culture of others was flat out wrong. Many people would witness policy and ethical violations and excuse the behaviors by responding with “It is what it is.” these violations were not committed by low ranking employees. They were engaged by senior-level leaders. What made it worse was when it was reported, the individual who filed the complaint was the one to transfer from that section.

The senior person moved on in some cases, got promoted to a higher position. While the individual who reported the incident was passively blackballed, transferred to another location, or discredited. This feeling of helplessness and anger often times fuel a more profound sense of purpose. Coworkers would I ask why I don’t say anything, and my response is because I have bills and a family. I am not in a position to influence change in this current situation. I will take this encounter to feed the bigger picture. It’s a complicated situation. How do you exercise courage without compromising your livelihood?

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Petyr “LittleFinger” Baelish, from The Game of Thrones, said something that explained the situation: 

 “You know what I learned losing that duel? I learned that I’ll never win. Not that way. That’s their game, their rules.”

You can’t go up against a system designed to ensure you lose. You can’t go against a system where the opponent wrote the rules.  Working in a profession with unspoken rules and a culture of not what you know but who you know. I was told by countless people. Learn the game and play it. Know when to keep your head low. Know who are the decision-makers, movers, and shakers. The underlying rules and systems were how you survived and got ahead. Those who were fortunate to climb up never make changes. From my observation, since they are the outsiders in the club, they really keep their heads down. The chances of having them be an advocate for change is a lost cause. 

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Going against the status quo is knowing how to position yourself to have a seat at the table. Being the decision-maker. Knowing what oppositions and challenges, you are going to face and addressing it head-on with conviction. Not everyone is cut out to be an entrepreneur. Not everyone is in the financial position to simply quit a job they hate. How you deal with that situation is your choice. Contrary to what many people believe, everyone has a choice in the decisions they make in their lives. You have a choice on how you decide to live and navigate your life.

“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb. They refuse, they cling to the realm, or the gods, or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.” ~Petyr Baelish “The Game of Thrones.”  

Many people are paralyzed by their current and past situations. It’s the leash that tethers them from being great or operating that their maximum potential. I have personally found the phrase “never forget where you come from” as an example of that tether. It tends to apply to those who rose from the slums in a sort of Cinderella story. Instead of accepting the change associated with the upgrade. Insecurities and jealousy are created, and this statement is thrown around to remind the individual of their humble beginnings. There is the underlying meaning of not forgetting the people from their humble beginnings. I understand many see it in a different way.

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Mediocre people will make you feel bad and expect you to reduce yourself in order for them to feel good. Don’t do it. Don’t regress and move backwards to comfort them. They will accuse you of being better than them. Just pause and remind yourself, you are not better than them, they think you are better than them. Now you have a decision to make. You don’t need that kind of energy in your life.

It takes a great deal of strength to go against the status quo. It also takes being smart and aware when to pick and choose your battles. I caution, don’t be the sacrificial lamb. Don’t compromise your values and personal integrity. Before going to “Battle,” ask yourself what is the overall outcome you are trying to achieve? Are you ready to lose friends and family? Are you prepared to climb the mountain alone? Are you prepared to have sleepless nights and moments of doubt? 

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These questions apply to everything. Starting a business, leaving a job, losing weight, moving to a new place, even ending a toxic relationship. Change is harder for people on the outside to accept than the person exercising the change. Don’t let that stop you from achieving your goals and dreams. 

Surrounding yourself with like-minded people who can relate to the struggles and challenges of accomplishing your goals. They understand the frustrations that come with taking risks. Having the right people to support you in your cause, and talk you off the ledge that’s called doubt helps a great deal. You have to have a strong sense of self, self-worth, and self-value. Having faith in yourself in accomplishing what you set your mind to will give to the strength when it gets hard. You will feel like quitting, you will want to cry and scream, and you may feel alone. Don’t you are not alone in your journey. Just know if it were easy, everyone would be living their best life and their dreams a reality. Chickens don’t soar with Eagles.  

Good luck on your journey, remember you are not alone there are tribes going through the same struggles and will support you. No matter how crazy your ideas or dreams may be deep down in your soul, it will be successful.  Don’t let anyone or anything deter you from it.  You got this just stay focused on the prize at the end of the journey.

Do you, Be you, Love you 
Bohemian Life 

Dangers of the Digital Mob, How Normal Logical People Turn into Sheep in Less than Five Minutes

December 7, 2019
Bohemian Issues

According to Wikipedia, the Herd mentality, mob mentality and pack mentality, also lesser known as gang mentality, describes how people can be influenced by their peers to adopt certain behaviors on a primarily emotional, rather than rational, basis. When individuals are affected by mob mentality, they may make different decisions than they would have individually.

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If you google herd/mob mentality, there is an image of bulls falling off a cliff. I have seen similar photos of sheep and even people falling off a cliff. The picture is very poignant because it pretty much depicts how fans of Actors, Entertainers, Social Media Influencers react in mass on digital platforms.

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In the last couple of years, I have observed the digital mob has gotten out of control. Fans or Stans some people like to call them have lashed out in such ferocity over simple disagreements. Some celebrities have come out publicly to condemn these behaviors, while others remain silent. These fans have taken their love for the artist to a terrifying level. It’s almost to the point of worshipping these celebrities as if they are divine beings or Gods. Lord forbids if a celebrity or influencer publicly disagrees with a topic or issue, let alone outright say they don’t like the star their fans, flood the individual’s social media account with emojis and horrifying comments.

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Wishing someone to die, commit suicide, or threaten their personal safety is beyond wrong. Like seriously, there is something wrong with this. Mobs, whether in person or digital, are hard to control. When they are unleashed, the damage is unknown. Some have recovered from the brutal attacks, while some are deeply scarred. Regardless of the situation or opinions of the specific topic. The person on the receiving end of this attack is a human being, with feelings and personal insecurities. I am sure their disagreement did not intend of such backlash. No one deserves that type of attack in mass. No one does. Tens of thousands of “Stans” flooding your comments and inbox with hateful, bigoted comments are alarming and worrisome. I am sure when 10,000 plus people leave messages of wishing you died, you would be bothered by it as well.

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I will repeat this it’s wrong beyond wrong. That celebrity’s job is to entertain the masses with their art form. Their art is inspiring and captivating. It touches the fans to the core in an almost divine manner. It can be relatable, helpful in overcoming a personal struggle or inspire the individual to pursue their own dreams. As a fan myself, we are motivated by their almost inhuman ways of achieving their art in such feet. One must also remember that entertainer is a human being with feelings and struggles they are not a God or Goddess despite how big their egos maybe. Whether you are an ordinary person with 80 followers or a celebrity with 80 million followers, everyone is human and are entitled to their opinions and thoughts. Instead of attacking, look at the situation from a different perspective. Everyone deserves to be treated like a human being with decency and respect. Next time you decide to express outrage in defense of your beloved artist on social media, think about the tens of thousands of fellow stans/fans who are doing the same thing. One sting can hurt, but hundreds of thousands of stings can be fatal.

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If you find yourself on the receiving end of some mass hate, take a breath and log off the internet for 24-48 hours. Your need to defend and fight back will be pointless because the numbers will be overwhelming. I promise you the less you comment the faster it will die down. The good news is Stans have very short attention spans and will move on to the next thing to be mad at. Silence is your best option. By the end of the week, your beef will be old news as long as the hornet’s nest doesn’t get kicked around. I know from first-hand experience.

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Just remember the solution to cyberbullying is to block and delete. If the cyber-attacks are small and manageable it will stop. If you have a large following, log off and take a social media break for a while. Its not worth your mental health entertaining or fighting a crowd who won’t listen to reason.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

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