Bohemian Visions

Tag: Social Media

My Friend Died a Year Ago & I Didn't Even Notice

March 27, 2020
Complicated Bohemian

Social media especially Facebook has a strange way of making people feel like they know you personally. It has allowed us to connect without really connecting. Over the years  I have watched Marriage, pregnancy, and birth announcements. I have built relationships that span over 10 years but never met them in person. Facebook gives a false sense of connection. 

Last year I was dealing with a significant life change. More like multiple significant life changes all at once. It was way too much to process and I wasn’t in the mood to share anything about my life. So I posted an announcement I was going to unplug and deactivate my account. It was hard but I needed to find myself and Facebook wasn’t what I needed. Only five people out of 380 kept in touch with me during my hiatus. 

I took a year off. Worked through my events and reinvented myself. I returned to Facebook and was greeted with welcome back and a few I miss you. Deep down I knew it wasn’t true. A few had the nerve to DM me asking what happened but I shut it down quickly. Honestly, I felt a level of resentment. My break showed me these connections were superficial and the level of investment disappeared the same time I logged off. 

Some of my previous connections deleted me from their lists which is common when you deactivate your account. The irony was I mainly returned for work. My marketing team told me I needed social media for business and my partnership and friendship dissolved before the business fully took off. 

The last couple of days thoughts of my “friend” kept popping up in my mind. I wondered how he was doing. He was more than just a social media connection we knew each other in the real world. We met in 2005 while we were stationed in Hawaii. We dated briefly but it was better we were just friends. I can honestly say he was the only guy I dated and had an amicable breakup. Tall, dark, handsome with a perfectly bald head. He was quiet but had a powerful presence about him. Country Man from Arkansas who was all about family. He was a sweetheart. We spoke on the phone about the day to day dramas. He rendered my first salute when I commissioned as a lieutenant years later. He always had a smile on his face. Then I moved away. Facebook was the core method of keeping in touch. Even though we didn’t do well as a couple, he was one of my good friends. Due to the lack of physical proximity like everyone else we drifted apart. If it wasn’t for Facebook I probably would never speak to him. 

He was one of my OG Facebook Friends. Over time we both settled into our lives. She would share memes and comment on some of my posts. He was one of the few people that sent me birthday messages despite my dislike for celebrating. He was such a sweetheart. 

I took my hiatus in January/February 2019. He died 21 March 2019. I returned to Facebook in November maybe October 2019. I found out 27 March 2020 he was dead. For the last week, I kept having this nagging feeling to send him a message, to check his digital footprint because he wasn’t showing up on my newsfeed. His page is still active. Family and friends post how much they miss him. I am coming through comments as to what happened. I google his name only to read his obituary. Digging to find out what happened. He was young, fit, and surrounded by folks who loved him.

My years in the military and keen sense of observation led to a plausible assumption. But what right do I have to ask his cause of death? I am finding out a whole year after the fact. What kind of friend am I that I didn’t reach out or message him? I am sad and heartbroken. But at the same time, I need to understand the person I met all those years ago in Hawaii was probably not the same person who died. 

It still sucks though. In the end, I really didn’t know him as a person, only the sweet memories. This moment has taught me to truly value the genuine friendships in the real world. Pick up the phone and spend 15-30 minutes talking.  If it is possible, visit them then do it.  spend time with them. Social media will give you a false sense of connection. You may think you know a person because of what they share. In reality, you don’t know anything. You may watch a child grow up on social media but they don’t know you. 

I am hurt to find out the news of his passing. I am also disappointed I am finding out a year later. I am aware that distance drives relationships and digital connections do not replace the connections of the real world. If I didn’t take my hiatus would it have mattered?

He died too soon. Out of respect and privacy for the family and true friends who loved him, I will not disclose his identity. I will say is my memories of him were always fond and he was a beautiful soul. May he continues to rest in people. He will be dearly missed. 

Could We Really Be Friends or Actually Like Each Other Outside of Social Media?

February 9, 2020
Bohemian Life

Being an adult in the age of social media is hard AF. Raising children, going to work, paying bills, maintaining relationships is hard. There are only 24 hours in a day. On to of that, working out, getting enough sleep, and making time for you.  Making friends that are genuine and meaningful is harder as an adult than it was as kids and teenagers. Social media in the very beginning brought people who would never interact with each other together in person. But I can’t help to take a step back and wonder hmm if we were in the same town, zip code, or area code, we saw each other regularly in person would we really be friends?

Mindy Kaling Adult GIF by Film Independent Spirit Awards

I will admit I suck at keeping in touch with people this stems from being taken advantage of by so-called friends. The type of fair-weather friends who are only around when they want and need something from you. I was always there for them but the same level of support is not reciprocated.  It’s ironic I selected my living space based on my ability to entertain 10 or more people. Yet having lived in my house for three years I have never hosted an event in my home. 

Has social media killed genuine friendships? People claim to desire the kind of friendships where there are weekend trips to the Farmers Market, Vacations to tropical islands or a simple night of hanging out and drinking wine. But is it all for show or is it genuine?     

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Making friends as an adult is pretty complicated most friendships carried over from childhood, some developed from highschool, sports teams, and few fostered from work. Commonalities are what bring folks together. Unlike children and adolescents, friendships compete with other relationships. Intimate partner/marriage, parenthood, and employment consume a good portion of an adult’s everyday life. 

Women are more likely to stop maintaining those friendships as soon as they get into a romantic relationship than men. Some will stop soon after they have children. Some refuse to be friends with Single Women. Citing the risk of their boyfriend/husbands’ ability to be faithful. As if the boyfriend/husbands’ behavior is not his individual responsibility. 

Many times women have neglected their female friends, some feel their husbands are the only friends they need and want. Despite this sentiment, their solace is social media. They seek those long lost friendships and connections replaced with cyber friendships. Now before you get triggered and start taking it personally in the comments scroll through your feed from the weekend and look at how many pics or posts from your “friends” How often do you see pictures from girl’s night? Think about the last time you hung out that wasn’t work-related, a wedding, a funeral, or a birthday party? 

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I understand many people will not posts their activities because they are private. I am one of them. I don’t post my strips and activities in real-time. It mainly has to do with security and safety. Also, social media is a sess pool of trolls and bitter as people. There are folks who low key don’t like you but want to watch what you are doing. Then there are folks who pretend to root for you until you are in the same zip code. Then it’s “oh girl I have been so busy” excuses.   

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When it comes to stepping outside the cyberspace and to real-life would those connections even manifest? Scrolling through my newsfeed reading posts on newfound relationships, birth announcements, weddings, engagements, It had me wonder. Would I really be real-life friends with the same people I have been connected to for years? Many of my connections stem from associations from Highschool, college, and work. Another group of connections revolves around mutual connections. The majority I haven’t seen in more than five years while others I have never met. 

Could We Really Be Friends or Actually Like Each Other Outside of Social Media? 3

How man of my online connections would I actually be friends with? I am talking about true meaningful friendships where I would invite over to the house for drinks? I will say over the last ten years I lost count on how many times I have been turned down and or ghosted by women. They would comment like and support all of my major milestones and jokes. Yet when it came to taking our online” friendship” to the real world that’s when it all stopped. 

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It usually began with a  Facebook check-in or a personal message “Hey I am in town we are minutes from each other want to meet up grab brunch or dinner?” The friendly exchanges now became radio silence. After a while, I just stopped extending invites. I can recall one time where I agreed to meet with a former FB friend for brunch I was in my home town for a trip and we messaged each other agreeing to the location. When I messaged her to confirm the time and location she wouldn’t respond.  Once the time for the Brunch came I realized she wasn’t going to come. A couple of days later she commented on a meme I posted as if ghosting me didn’t happen. I have since unfriended her and other women who took my friendship for granted. I have learned once an invite has been turned down, and the friendship feels one-sided I write them off. They are now in a new category Social Media Acquaintance.

A Social media acquaintance is someone who is less than a regular acquaintance. They are someone I would never interact with in person. Our interactions are strictly online and nothing more. Personal private exchanges are very minimal or nonexistent. It’s nothing they did directly their energy and personality doesn’t vibe with yours.  They are equivalent to the work friend. You chat and shoot the shit with them at work but you will not hang out with them outside of work. Sometimes friendships downgrade to social media acquaintances. 

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People pretend to care about the folks they interact with online but in reality, it’s their guilt that makes them realize how truly fucked up they are when it comes to maintaining friendships. The memes of traveling together as friends is all bullshit. What about the social connections with folks I have never met before? Everyone knows what a person posts on their social media is not the complete version of them.  

I truly believe there are meaningful friendships outside of social media. Where it is both mutual. Where it allows people to stay in touch, foster growth when distance and proximity would prevent such connections. It requires both parties to make an active effort until then true friendship will only exist in cyberspace.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

#Girl Dad New Feminist Movement or Another Social Media Fad

February 3, 2020
Bohemian Thoughts

It’s been a week since the #GirlDad went viral. It was first mentioned by ESPN Sports Anchor, Elle Ducan. She recalled a conversation she had in 2018 with the late Kobe Bryant.  During the conversation, he noticed her baby bump and asked her what she was having and she replied with a girl. Their conversation went from the game to their families. During her monologue, she asked him if he and his wife were going to try for a boy. Without skipping a beat he said  “I would have five more girls if I could. I’m a girl dad.” 

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Kobe Bryant was always proud of his girls. Especially when he spoke about his daughter Gianna who also died in the helicopter crash. During his interview with Jimmy Kimmel in 2018, you can see his excitement when he discusses an exchange he had with a fan regarding having a boy to follow in his footsteps. He lit up like a proud papa when he recalled Gianna stepping in saying: “Oh, wait, I got this.”

Since that video aired the phrase “girldad” went viral with celebrities and regular men posting pictures of them and their daughters with #girldad. My social media was flooded with photos of men and their daughters with the hashtag. 

Throughout American history, boys have always held higher favor than girls. Even in my own social networks, whenever a man would mention he had all girls, reactions ranged from cringe to “oh man that sucks”.  Oftentimes these statements were followed up with “so are you going to shoot for a boy?” I can recall multiple men breaking down into tears when they discovered they were having a boy after multiple girls as if it was a blessing or accomplishment. This sentiment is so deeply ingrained that it goes unnoticed. There was even an episode in Paternity Court where a man accused his girlfriend of cheating because he claimed he only fathers boys. This is still a thing in 2020. In the July 2017 interview with Extra, Kobe bragged about his all-female household. “My friends say, ‘It takes a real man to make a boy,’” “I’m like, ‘Dude, it takes a king to make a princess. Get in line.’”

Kobe Bryant Sport GIF

Since the phrase went viral, I wonder if this is another social media fad or a movement where men are truly supporting women and girls in taking on the career fields of their fathers, often reserved by sons. Will the #girlDad evolve into a long-standing movement that will encourage more men to advocate for women’s equality in society? Will men begin to put emphasis on the healthy growth and support in the dreams, aspirations, and goals of their daughters? The biggest ally in the feminist movement are men who not only believe women have a place at the table but actively advocate and fight for the equality of women. It would be so awesome to see professional men dominating traditional male roles support their daughters to take the mantle like a military general supporting his daughter who aspires to follow in his footsteps. Despite the many strides made, there is still a long way in regard to having more female representation in major areas, especially in leadership roles. Having just one at the table is not enough. 

Kobe was an activist for the WNBA when Gianna developed passion and love for the sport and wanted to follow in his footsteps. He’s admitted his daughter’s love for the sport reignited his love for it too. Even in death Kobe Bryant began something that can evolve into a movement. Advocating for the equality and support of women through their fathers’ let’s continue this movement and make it into something tangible and more than just a hashtag social media fad.

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Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

The Philosophy and Story behind My Mantra Do you, Be you, Love you

December 31, 2019
Scholarly Bohemian

Everyone has a mantra or personal philosophy they live by. It evolves from many different sources and situations. Some are a family lineage of why others evolved from experiences. If you have been following my articles, I have always ended it with these six words. Do you, Be you, Love you. They carry a long history, so of course, it would be incorporated into the brand. It is a part of me and has been for a significant portion of my life. 

I’ve been around before Social Media consumed every aspect of our waking lives. I have watched how it’s diminished individual values and worth in exchange for numbers of followers and social engagements. People tend to connect more online than they do in person. As a photographer, a good majority of the people I shoot are a mix of clients and models. What I find interesting how shy and awkward people are before I shoot them. They are in front of the camera, it’s a different persona. Once the final edits are posted to social media, the attitude shifts. The number count starts to climb, and the comments flood in, the confidence somehow increases. Their digital avatar is entirely different from the person I was photographing. 

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I am not immune to the influence of social media. Depending on who you are talking to My digital avatar ranges from a bully to a confident badass. Since starting my business as a writer and photographer, I have somewhat grown to dislike it. I know people using it are looking to connect and feel relatable. 

Unfortunately, both the Writing and Photography side of the brand requires me to have some sort of following. If I want to do business with brands to grow, if I want people to see my work, it requires building a following. It’s like my value as an artist is all dictated by how many people see my work through my captions and hashtags. Many in my industry advise writing about what people want vs. what’s on my heart. It’s a bit of a conundrum if you are trying to make money off your writing and photography. 

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Because of this requirement as an entrepreneur and businesswoman, I found myself relying heavily on my mantra. To find a middle ground on the ever-changing dynamics of the business world in the digital era. And remain faithful to me and live my authentic self. Brands and Social Media wants you to compartmentalize yourself into one specific niche. Honestly, I can’t do that with my life. I am more than just one particular thing. I have a lot of titles, skill sets, and I have two sides to my business. So how do I go against the status quo? Honestly, I really don’t know. I am figuring it out as I build and grow my company into a household brand. 

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So what does Do you, Be you, Love you mean? Let’s break them down into why I have lived by them, and it’s not just a tag but who I am. 

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Do you: 

Do what brings you joy and happiness. Too many times, people mean well but place unnecessary expectations on how you should navigate the world. Parents and family even friends want you to live this life, marry this person, have that career. You have to do what’s best and right for you. This applies to every aspect of your life. If you are unhappy in your relationship, you have to do what’s best for you. If you are in a job you hate and brings you no satisfaction, you have a choice. Life is about making an opportunity, seizing moments, and taking chances. If you stay in a shitty relationship or a shitty job, that is your choice. Where people get it wrong is believing they don’t have a choice or not having options. You always have a choice, and you still have options. 

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Folks tend to impose their views and opinions unto others believing their values are right. Religious groups are notorious for that. The people we love and whose opinions we value are also the biggest offenders. So you have a choice, do you live your life at the expectations of others? Or do you live your life for you? Do what makes you happy and gives you purpose. Whenever I am asked in assisting in deciding a life choice, I always remind them it’s their life. I refrain from inserting my values because there is so much to the situation I am not aware of. This lesson was a painful one to learn because I lost friends due to my own judgemental views. 

Opinions are free, and everyone has one. People have evolved from merely giving unsolicited advice to demanding how a person should live. It’s crazy how values and belief in something have morphed into this extreme cult. It’s incredible how many people get so easily offended on the personal decisions of a complete stranger. Like, why are you mad that a new mom decided to pierce her child’s ears at 2 months? Are you taking care of that child? Are you donating your time by babysitting? So why does it matter to you what someone in another state is doing? I’m pretty sure that new mommy received sound counsel from her pediatrician before making the decision.

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This is just an example of the many posts I have seen across all platforms. I say fuck what people think and say about you. Do what you feel is best for you and the people you are responsible for. As long as it’s not impeding on the livelihood of another consenting adult who cares. 

Be you: 

Live your truth, whatever that may be. Many demographics are forced to hide their true selves because of fear. Fear of being shunned or publicly shamed. Many times that rejection turns violent in the aspect of self-harm or harm towards another. It’s very painful and stressful when the rejection comes mainly from family. It is soul-crushing. Find a group or a tribe that will accept you for you. Family is not necessarily Blood. Sometimes Blood are the main ones who reject your identity. I would be lying if I said this wasn’t difficult. It took me a long time to cut off the very people I once called family. 

Be your true authentic self. There are situations and circumstances where you can’t really be yourself. High school is a perfect example. The struggle of finding your authentic self and navigating social landmines is terrible. That is a period in my life I never want to repeat. 

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Professions like the military is another example where one would put on a mask to fit in and fall in line. How a person presents themselves on the outside is dictated by uniform policies. What is said, how it is said, how you react to shitty people is hidden behind the veil of professionalism. It’s even more apparent when you observe senior ranking service members. Facial expressions and nonverbal body language say it all. The cognitive dissonance observed when there is a disagreement on policy is expressed and quickly covered up with a mask called professionalism. 

When a large group of people from all areas of the world with a different set of values and upbringing comes together. As a collective, it makes for an interesting dynamic. 

Social Media is another environment where authenticity is sought after. In an ocean of copycats, It’s a challenge. The thing to ask yourself is, how do you want to portray yourself to the world? Will you be happy with it? Only you will know the answer to these questions. 

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Love you: 

It’s pretty self-explanatory yet difficult to do. everything starts with loving yourself first. It’s harder than loving others. Self-care begins with loving yourself even when others don’t. Love yourself when you are in doubt with yourself, when you don’t feel or look your best. Loving you is also establishing personal boundaries and enforcing those boundaries. It falls in the realm of self-respect. When you respect yourself, you won’t allow anyone to disrespect you. Loving yourself will enable you to do what’s best for you and being your authentic self. It all starts from within. Please do not confuse self-love with narcissism they are very different. Loving yourself is recognizing toxic behaviors and having the strength to walk away. It’s knowing your personal worth and value and what you bring to a relationship or employment. 

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Never let anyone diminish you as a person or your value. Insecure and mediocre people with try to diminish you to make themselves feel relevant or valid. Folks will take advantage of your kindness and generosity for their own selfish gain. Recognize these toxic people and cut them out. They don’t love you or care about you. This is as bluntly I can put it. 

As you can see, those six words carry a lot of meaning. Self-love comes with a lot of growth and reflection. It takes time, multiple mistakes, and outside help like therapy to strengthen my resolve. I hope this story can help you find yours. Until next time.

Do you, Be you, Love you 
Bohemian Life. 

Dangers of the Digital Mob, How Normal Logical People Turn into Sheep in Less than Five Minutes

December 7, 2019
Bohemian Issues

According to Wikipedia, the Herd mentality, mob mentality and pack mentality, also lesser known as gang mentality, describes how people can be influenced by their peers to adopt certain behaviors on a primarily emotional, rather than rational, basis. When individuals are affected by mob mentality, they may make different decisions than they would have individually.

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If you google herd/mob mentality, there is an image of bulls falling off a cliff. I have seen similar photos of sheep and even people falling off a cliff. The picture is very poignant because it pretty much depicts how fans of Actors, Entertainers, Social Media Influencers react in mass on digital platforms.

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In the last couple of years, I have observed the digital mob has gotten out of control. Fans or Stans some people like to call them have lashed out in such ferocity over simple disagreements. Some celebrities have come out publicly to condemn these behaviors, while others remain silent. These fans have taken their love for the artist to a terrifying level. It’s almost to the point of worshipping these celebrities as if they are divine beings or Gods. Lord forbids if a celebrity or influencer publicly disagrees with a topic or issue, let alone outright say they don’t like the star their fans, flood the individual’s social media account with emojis and horrifying comments.

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Wishing someone to die, commit suicide, or threaten their personal safety is beyond wrong. Like seriously, there is something wrong with this. Mobs, whether in person or digital, are hard to control. When they are unleashed, the damage is unknown. Some have recovered from the brutal attacks, while some are deeply scarred. Regardless of the situation or opinions of the specific topic. The person on the receiving end of this attack is a human being, with feelings and personal insecurities. I am sure their disagreement did not intend of such backlash. No one deserves that type of attack in mass. No one does. Tens of thousands of “Stans” flooding your comments and inbox with hateful, bigoted comments are alarming and worrisome. I am sure when 10,000 plus people leave messages of wishing you died, you would be bothered by it as well.

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I will repeat this it’s wrong beyond wrong. That celebrity’s job is to entertain the masses with their art form. Their art is inspiring and captivating. It touches the fans to the core in an almost divine manner. It can be relatable, helpful in overcoming a personal struggle or inspire the individual to pursue their own dreams. As a fan myself, we are motivated by their almost inhuman ways of achieving their art in such feet. One must also remember that entertainer is a human being with feelings and struggles they are not a God or Goddess despite how big their egos maybe. Whether you are an ordinary person with 80 followers or a celebrity with 80 million followers, everyone is human and are entitled to their opinions and thoughts. Instead of attacking, look at the situation from a different perspective. Everyone deserves to be treated like a human being with decency and respect. Next time you decide to express outrage in defense of your beloved artist on social media, think about the tens of thousands of fellow stans/fans who are doing the same thing. One sting can hurt, but hundreds of thousands of stings can be fatal.

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If you find yourself on the receiving end of some mass hate, take a breath and log off the internet for 24-48 hours. Your need to defend and fight back will be pointless because the numbers will be overwhelming. I promise you the less you comment the faster it will die down. The good news is Stans have very short attention spans and will move on to the next thing to be mad at. Silence is your best option. By the end of the week, your beef will be old news as long as the hornet’s nest doesn’t get kicked around. I know from first-hand experience.

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Just remember the solution to cyberbullying is to block and delete. If the cyber-attacks are small and manageable it will stop. If you have a large following, log off and take a social media break for a while. Its not worth your mental health entertaining or fighting a crowd who won’t listen to reason.

Do you, Be you, Love you
Bohemian Life

Take my Money yet sell Me Crap Products Because I'm a Large Influencer.

December 2, 2019
Bohemian Thoughts

My Twitter and Instagram feed has been flooded with news of a well known Social Media Influencer, who launched her cosmetics brand. I completely understand the stress of launching a brand. I know from first-hand experience what it is like to start a business. That is where the similarities stop.

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I don’t personally follow this person, but I know who she is because her name has been associated with a lot of online drama and its a lot of it. How is this woman even able to continue to have a large platform? Now I will not write about the issues about the launch, just hit the social media platforms, and you will be brought to speed. What stuck out I was watching a Youtube video, and the commentator read a Tweet from a fan that said something to the effect of, “I love you, but every time you have a launch something is problematic.” “There are always issues with it.”

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Now I’m going to put on my consumer hat and dive into how problematic this brand is. She consistently sells sub-quality products at a high-end rate while getting rich from her fan base. I am having a hard time understanding why people continue to support her and a brand that’s putting out shit quality. In her latest release, her product possibly pose safety concerns, that didn’t get recalled. I mean come on, why would you, as a consumer, spend your hard-earned money on a makeup brand that has nothing but negative reviews. The owner won’t even correct the issue. Instead, she blames the consumer, comes up with all kinds of off the wall excuses. Even other Influencers despite their watered-down commentary could not get around the fact, the product was utter crap. I wouldn’t be surprised if they got paid to review products, albeit it is biased and sponsored.

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There are millions of other makeup brands on the market. I personally commend anyone who launches their own, without a large following or major endorsement is hard. For those who are fortunate to have a large fan base or platform, think about your brand. Just put out the best, a quality that is inclusive for everyone and safe. I get it shit happens, but if you fuck up, have a moral and ethical obligation to rectify the situation or give them their money back. The money is not a priority if the brand is being dragged through social media and word of mouth. That’s why it’s so important to be hands-on and surround yourself with a team who will not let you fail. Put the customer first, the quality control standard will reflect this.

As a customer, you have options. You deserve products and services that are to standard and won’t pose a health risks. Stop making brands wealthy when they are not even thinking about your safety only your money. This applies to every consumer goods on the market.


Do You, Be You, Love You.
Bohemian Life

Plastic Surgery a Double Edge Sword of Contradictory

October 2, 2019
Bohemian Issues

Cosmetic surgery is not “cosmetic,” and human flesh is not “plastic.” Even the names trivialize what it is. It’s not like ironing wrinkles in fabric, or tuning up a car, or altering outmoded clothes, the current metaphors. Trivialization and infantilization pervade the surgeons’ language when they speak to women: “a nip,” a “tummy tuck.”…Surgery changes one forever, the mind as well as the body. If we don’t start to speak of it as serious, the millennium of the man-made woman will be upon us, and we will have had no choice.
NAOMI WOLF, The Beauty Myth

Looking for quotes for this article, many influential people viewed Plastic Surgery as something insecure people undergo. Maybe that’s not the case. Everybody dislikes something about their bodies. What’s wrong with doing something about it? Yes, the media does focus on individuals who go to the extremes lot achieve this perceived view of perfection, but what about those who simply want to feel comfortable in their bodies? Major or minor changes or so-called body improvements.

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According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, the definition of Plastic Surgery is a branch of surgery concerned with improving the function or appearance of parts of the body through reconstructive or cosmetic medical procedures. Basically, if you physically alter any form of your body regardless of the reason, it’s plastic surgery. Many people choose to address their physical insecurities through plastic surgery procedures. While others don’t do it for various reasons.


For the purpose of information and insight, this discussion is for cosmetic, elective surgery. Reconstructive surgery meaning the person undergoes the procedure due to severe damage from a disease or trauma. This type of surgery is excluded from this discussion because the procedure was medically necessary. This discussion is targeted towards individuals who elected to have a procedure for strictly cosmetic reasons outside of disease and trauma. Quite frankly it’s nobodies business what a person decided to do with their bodies. It’s their choice and dollars.

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Everyone has insecurities some manage to deal with them while others obsess compulsively over them. Disorders derive from them. Young and older people develop eating disorders, dysphoric body disorders, anxiety, depression, and every other mental health disorder known to man. All because they are trying to achieve some level of perfection. It’s not a pleasant situation. Some people seek help to recover fully, others continue to struggle, and sadly, some succumb to the battle, and their lives are cut short tragically.

Heres where the social contradictions lie. Social media, mainstream media, and general society as a whole have created unrealistic standards of beauty. PhotoShop and Face Tune give people the ability to change their appearance ultimately, but it warps the perception of beauty. Once again, that’s none of my business. What becomes problematic is when people in the position of influence, meaning the beauty and entertainment industry impose this unrealistic standard of beauty when marketing to the general population. It’s a double edge sword when mainly women and young girls alter their appearance to look like said celebrity/influencer, they are dragged on social media for going under the knife to achieve this standard of beauty.

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Being a woman, even a man living in the United States is Rough, I mean it’s literally like being stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to the standards of beauty. If you’re in the entertainment industry, it’s even worse. The contradictions and hypocrisy the general public has towards plastic surgery are almost hilarious when you actually sit back, listen, and observe. Who wants every inch of their bodies, examined, critiqued, rated on this unrealistic standard?

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Girls as young as 18 are opting for lip fillers, breast augmentation, and other procedures to look like their favorite celebrities for graduation gifts instead of a car or summer trip. In 2018 NATIONAL PLASTIC SURGERY STATISTICS from the American Society of Plastic Surgeons showed a break down of cosmetic procedures. Looking at the number of Breast Augmentations, Lip Fillers, Butt Implants, Liposuction has increased more than 50% since the previous year. So what does that mean? Besides the fact, a lot of people are going under the knife, but many who do are bashing others for their decision while doing the same thing in private.

In public, they stand on their soapbox lecturing a complete stranger on why they should love their body, but in the dark researching how they can get a tummy tuck or breast implants. It’s a double edge sword, you want to look and feel your best, not become obsessed with it. Many influencers and celebrities are honest about their elective procedures by sharing their stories on their platforms. Yet when you scroll through their comments, the nasty judgment is right there. Those who don’t publicly admit it, or claim their bodies are natural are met with the same judgment. It seems if you’re in the public eye, you can’t seem to win. The best approach is to ignore negative comments altogether. This comes from having a strong sense of self-love, a stable support system, and a grip on reality that no matter how big your platform is, people are just flat out rude and disgusting and don’t realize, these ugly comment is a direct reflection on their own insecurities and self-loathing. It’s completely normal to feel insecure about a feature, it’s ok to want to improve those you deem imperfect as long as you the individual are happy with the outcome.

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Whether you chose to under the knife to modify something you don’t like, it’s your choice and your body. As long as you are happy with your decision and can live without regrets who cares what some Internet troll or stranger cares. It’s your life.


Do you, Be you, Love you.
Bohemian Life

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